Oblivious to the obvious

Years ago someone asked, “If money, education, or any other circumstance was not an issue, what would you like to do with your life?” My selfish ambition gave what I thought was a noble response: “I would like to start a Bible school.” I later found out that several prominent schools had begun because of a woman, so that justified my ambition. At the time, I didn’t consider the will of God nor what changes my life needed to make that ambition happen.

Then the mother of the sons of Zebedee came up to him with her sons, and kneeling before him she asked him for something. And he said to her, “What do you want?” She said to him, “Say that these two sons of mine are to sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your kingdom.” Jesus answered, “You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I am to drink?” They said to him, “We are able.” (Matthew 20:20–22)

These two boys didn’t realize it either, nor did their mother. It didn’t matter what they thought of themselves. The reality was that their present lives contradicted what they asked for and they seemed oblivious to the obvious, just as I was in the same state of oblivion about my ambition.

Eventually they figured it out, just as God opened my understanding to the difference between such ambition and the humility required — plus a great many other character qualities and learning experiences. Another Christian servant and a half-brother of Jesus wrote this:

Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. (James 3:13–18)

Sometimes I feel the pull of selfish ambition just by wondering why God didn’t give me much in the arena of important work, or at least how I would define important. This passage always convicts me. The description “earthly, unspiritual, demonic” puts me in my place. God isn’t looking for people who want to set the world on fire, or make headlines, or even do outstanding things. He wants an entirely different list of accomplishments — none that can be obtained by my efforts.

First, some self-examination. How am I like James and John? How do my words, attitudes, and choices contradict the very gospel that I love and defend? Am I impatient with people? Do I talk unkindly about others? How could I lead an educational institution if I was not able to live up to the principles that would govern the curriculum? What would my staff do with my weak faith or my  rudeness, or insincerity, or my irritability with them or others?

PRAY: Jesus, You are my patient teacher. To lead others requires far more gifts and a deeper character than I have. I’m just grateful to be in your classroom, gifted with your righteousness, and secure because of Your grace. Each time I eat the bread and drink the cup, You remind me of Your death and that I am united to your life. You call me to your likeness and I’ve no right to be upset over anyone’s sin but my own. Keep working to make me less oblivious to my obvious need for your transforming grace and change all my ambitions to the most important one — that I will always listen to You and obey what You say.