Leaving the answers with God

 

There are two kinds of spiritual battles. One is a battle in prayer against the lies and purposes of my enemy the devil. The other is wrestling against God over something He wants and I don’t. The first is a battle of faith for the right ends. The second is a battle of “not Your will, but mine” which is contrary to faith and to my heart that trusts God to desire the best for me.

This second war is not always about a lack of faith. I know the power of God and that He can do all things, and I am not doubting that; I just don’t want the tough stuff. I have a friend who is very old, very sick and I do not want her to die, yet when I pray I know that I must trust God to do His perfect will in her life. He knows the best time to take her home; I don’t. This is just a small spat. There are others that are filled with turmoil. Again, these disagreements with God are not about doubts but about the I-wants that seem contrary to what He is doing. I trust His judgement but at times do not like it.

Concerning this wrestling match, today’s reading brings up the example of Jacob.

And Jacob was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day. When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he touched his hip socket, and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. Then he said, “Let me go, for the day has broken.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” And he said to him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Jacob.” Then he said, “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed.” Then Jacob asked him, “Please tell me your name.” But he said, “Why is it that you ask my name?” And there he blessed him. So Jacob called the name of the place Peniel, saying, “For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life has been delivered.” The sun rose upon him as he passed Penuel, limping because of his hip. Therefore to this day the people of Israel do not eat the sinew of the thigh that is on the hip socket, because he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip on the sinew of the thigh. (Genesis 32:24–32)

Jacob’s victory was not in wrestling but in becoming weak to the point that he was unable to continue. It was not Jacob who wrestled with the angel but the angel who wrestled with Jacob. Jacob was the one to be overcome. When the angel found that Jacob’s resistance was so great that he could not prevail against him, he was obliged to make him lame by putting his hip out of joint. Then the victory was won. Jacob gained power when he lost it; he conquered when he could no longer fight.

I can relate to this. The Lord wrestles with me to bring me to entire dependence on Him. I resist until I feel totally helpless and have to give up. As much as I am stubborn and hate to lose, He is teaching me what has become a very important lesson:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9–10)

 PRAY: Yielding to Your will has shown up as a bonus in so many ways. This move is only one. In surrendering my I-wants, You keep surprising me with better than I could have imagined. This brings to mind all the prayer requests that I make in deep conviction that the only possible answer is what I come up with — and many times praying seems like a wrestling match with You, not with the enemy and not putting my desires on the mat. You remind me again that giving up isn’t about ceasing to want You to act, but about ceasing to insist that the answers fit with my ideas of what You should do. In other words, I don’t need to let go of You, but only need to ask for a blessing and be totally surprised at what You do about the burdens on my heart.