Can a person be too nice?

This week someone at his workplace told my husband that he is ‘too nice’ and needs to be ‘tougher’ to get work out of people. While some are convinced more flies are caught with honey, this person believes more flies are caught with a fly swatter. The problem with that is that the flies are destroyed. In this analogy the goal is not to kill the flies but get them buzzing.

Being good to people may or may not raise their production, but in the sight of God, anyone who can remain gracious at all times definitely has the attitude He wants.

“So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.” (Romans 14:16–19)

I’ve failed that attitude test many times. The most recent was during a few short days in the hospital. At first, I was in the ER. On the other side of the curtain I could hear a woman telling the medical staff all her symptoms, only to spurn every solution they wanted to give her. She was ‘allergic’ to this medicine and had ‘already tried’ that one and it ‘didn’t work.’ Nothing was acceptable. Finally, she asked for a sandwich. A nurse brought her one. After she ate it, she got up and left. As she walked by the end of my curtained-off area, I could see a big smirk on her face.

I asked a nurse how they could be so kind and patient with a person like that. I wanted to get up and go give the woman a smack on the side of the head. Obviously, I did not pass the gracious attitude test.

Sometimes Christians behave in godly ways that others do not regard as good. In those verses from Romans, the topic was whether believers should get picky about the behavior of other Christians. This seems a no-brainer, but some of us can get in a knot over the silliest things, everything from what day we should celebrate communion to what color we should paint the foyer. I’ve heard criticism against a person who visited his sick father rather than come to prayer meeting, and against families who decide to home-school their children. The point of these verses is that we do whatever will maintain peace and build others up rather than tear them down.

Romans 14 also suggest another angle, that when criticized for doing good we do not retaliate and make an issue out of it. The entire chapter looks at both sides of contentions. How does a critical person act? And how does a criticized person act? My hubby could have told his coworker to take a hike, or to mind his own business, or whatever, but that would be making a lie out of the very thing he was accused of being — too nice.

Tozer sums up these thoughts with: “I think God looks beyond the situation to the spirit and attitude. I think He is more concerned with how we react to abuse and mistreatment than to the fact that someone has abused us . . . Will you reveal a stubborn spirit intent upon revenge? If you resist the Spirit of God asking you to demonstrate the love and grace of Jesus Christ, your Savior, you can be sure of one thing: God will resist you!”

^^^^^^^

Jesus, as always, You are the example. Isaiah says You were oppressed and afflicted yet did not open Your mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so You opened not Your mouth. (Isaiah 53:7) I know there are times when You might charge me to make a defense, but even then, my attitude and desire needs be stuck on ‘nice’ and on making peace that builds up others. Every day, You challenge me and remind me that changes are still needed.