I need to leave this pity-party . . .

Boasting of good health for many years makes a poor patient. Two things are on my whine list: my left eye that hasn’t fully recovered from the trauma of cataract surgery, and my heart. It enlarged when I was a child with rheumatic fever, became closer to normal but with a slight murmur due to a leaky mitral valve, and has now enlarged again resulting in an arrhythmia that is no fun at all.

The eye means blurry vision and even hurts sometimes. My specialist will examine it again today. The heart means energy when it beats faster, fatigue when it drops lower, and confusion when it does its slow/fast dance. I need way more sleep yet am getting way more done. Vitals are good, but I know this cannot go on forever.

Tozer hits my struggles at an angle that most people do not think about. First, he offers one of my favorite Bible passages:

“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose.” (Galatians 2:20–21)

Then Tozer asks what this means to an individual? How can this theology be translated into life? Of course, the answer is the Gospel. Life happens to those who repent of their sin and believe in Jesus Christ.

But there is more. That person not only must forsake sin but go on to forsake himself, or in this case, herself. I cannot cover anything, defend or excuse anything. I cannot make bargains with God. I can only bow before Him acknowledging that because of sin, I am worthy to die. In doing this and in trusting the Lord Jesus Christ, I have life and cleansing and power.

This happens at salvation, yet the lessons take a lifetime to learn. The situations of life, including ornery eyes and a wayward heart test whether all of me is yielded to God. Can He have my eyes? Are they not His already? Can He have my heart? Didn’t I give it to Him more than forty-five years ago?

It is far easier to trust God when life is easy and everything works. I’ve had trials and He has brought me through them. Now He is trying my faith very up-close and personal and what do I do? Whining isn’t working. Bargaining isn’t either. I must declare, and totally mean it, that these eyes and this heart belongs to Him — to do with as He pleases.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:26)

Tozer says that the cross that ended the earthly life of Jesus also puts an end to sinners, that means an end to our self-rule. And the power that raised Christ from the dead now raises sinners to new life with Christ. He adds that there will be nothing in heaven that does not have the mark of the cross upon it.

^^^^^^^^^^

Jesus, I know this is true just as I know I was crucified with You and You live in me. Everything has changed because of You. Grant me the grace needed to sail above this trial just as You have done with all of those that came before. May I trust You with my body health just as I trust You with the health of my soul and spirit. One day I will join You in eternity in a perfect body. I need Your blessing to carry on for now in this one!