Character Builders

My husband often tells people that children are “character builders.” He says that raising kids is more about them raising us, about us learning to grow up.

While that isn’t entirely all there is to being a parent, when I take an honest look at my life, I can see how God uses the joys and trials of raising kids to show me where I need to become more mature as a Christian.

The Bible is filled with admonition about how to raise children. It also gives some bad examples and a few good ones. However, God Himself is the best example of what parents need to be like as we wrestle with the task of teaching and caring for our families. He loves us with an everlasting love, a love that is unconditional and never quits.  That is first and foremost, but a challenge when they make choices we do not agree with. Yet I need also to love my children as He loves His.

He cares for His family too. One verse says, “I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his children begging for bread” (Psalm 37:25). While it is important to teach them good stewardship and skills that enable them to eventually take care of themselves, parents should never neglect the physical needs of their children because God doesn’t.

God also teaches His children truths for life. He shows us how to live well, and how to be godly people. As we learn from Him, we are to pass this along to our children.

Give ear, O my people, to my teaching; incline your ears to the words of my mouth! I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark sayings from of old, things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the LORD, and his might, and the wonders that he has done. (Psalm 78:1–4)

Yet as I read this, I must add that sometimes children grow up and as they begin living their own lives, their interest in spiritual things begins to fade. Instead of focusing on God and His wonders, they are busy with life and the cares of this world.

For parents who care about the eternal destiny of their children, this lack of interest is a concern. We want them to know “the glorious deeds of the Lord.” Their disinterest is also a trial for us. It does two things: it reveals character and then, if we cooperate, it can also build character.

To have unbelieving adult children brings out the measure of faith in a parent’s heart. We ask such questions as, “Is God able to bring them back?” Even if we believe that, we wonder if He will do it, and how long will it take, or what will He put them through before their hearts are changed?

In this we also learn to let go. We cannot order our children how to live once they are adults, but we also cannot tell God what to do when we pray for them. We have to let go of our manipulations and any desire to have our own way. We need to put them in God’s capable hands and leave them there. This is for all Christians with concerns for others, children or not, but God certainly can use children as character builders.

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Father, I’ve lots on my heart about this matter. You have taught me much about trusting You. I’m also glad that You are a model for parents, a perfect parent Yourself. While I cannot imitate Your skills, by grace I can display Your amazing patience and unconditional love to some degree. While I cannot mold or shape the lives of my kids now that they are grown, I’m thankful that nothing is impossible for You. I’m also thankful that I can talk to You about these things, even though most of the time it seems that it is me, not them, who needs to grow up!

(Clip art credit)