My Father

January 15, 2008

The author of today’s devotional reading ends it with, “Discomfort and unrest are impossible to souls who come to know that God is their Father.”

This devotional was written in 1906, yet I’m sure that even back then fathers were not the perfect strongholds and comfort this author portrays. Today this might be worse. Children are beaten, abandoned, ignored, yelled at, given harsh ultimatums at the hands of their fathers. Mental and verbal abuses come to mind for many at the mention of the word ‘father’, and yet as terrible as these things are, perhaps worst damage is done by imperfect fathers in that they are giving their children an imperfect idea of God.

My father was a good man. He worked hard, loved his family, and had no vices. When I was ill and he wasn’t sure I would survive, he spoiled me. That is, whatever I wanted, he did his best to provide, even giving me my own horses (a tough concession for a man who loved all things with carburetors). When I became a Christian, I thought God would do the same. After a few hard lessons with unanswered prayers (of course they were totally selfish), I learned that God was not like my dad.

I’ve learned since that almost all children form their ideas of God from their earthly father, and if they want to truly know God, most of those ideas need reshaping. What are those lessons like for someone who has been severely mistreated and abused by their father? What are they like for those who have been abandoned or ignored? Some will think that God caused their sorrow, that He cannot be trusted. Others will think that God is not at all interested in their lives. I’ve known people in both situations. Learning that God is good was difficult for them, far more than for me. I’d assumed His goodness was about indulging me. They assumed goodness didn’t exist.

Because of this (and other reasons) some people take issue with verses like Proverbs 13:24, “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly” and 23:13-14, “Do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod, and deliver his soul from hell.”

These instructions were written in a different era, a time when fathers did not abuse their children but indulged them, sometimes to the point of letting them sin without correcting them. Eli is a classic example. His sons held roles as priests yet they treated the sacrifices with contempt and had illicit relationships with female worshipers. Eli rebuked them but didn’t stop them, and God had to step in and deal severely with their sin.

Part of the role of a loving father is discipline, not because he is angry at the child but because he cares about the child’s well-being. Hebrews 12:7-11 says:

“If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

God’s purpose in chastening is to make us better. Far too often, today’s fathers chasten a child for reasons of personal ego, or the child is annoying them, or they demand perfection to make themselves look good. Not so with God. He knows who He is and is not thinking about our behavior being a threat to that, but a threat to us.

Besides, when we sin, His love remains; it is never turned off. “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).

I found an illustration about the fatherhood of God that begins by telling of a father tucking in his six-year-old son in bed for the night. The father asked him, “Son, when does Daddy love you the most? When you’ve been fighting with your sister and getting into a lot of trouble? Or when you’ve been real helpful to Mommy and real nice to everyone.”

The son thought for a moment and then said, “Both times.”

How many children know that they are loved no matter what? How many children are confident that even when they do something that violates his rules and makes their father sad or upset, he still loves them?

I’m humbled as I think of God’s gift of my parents, particularly as I realize their importance in helping me understand His goodness and that He is enough. Their love for me isn’t as perfect as God’s love, but they did model love. I feel deep compassion and concern for those who didn’t have the same role models.

We cannot choose our parents, but we can choose God. We can learn both the similarities and differences between our heavenly Father and our imperfect fathers here on earth. We can also rely on Him as a God who knew that our parents might let us down. Psalm 27:10 says, “When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me.”

Today I’ll be thinking of and praying for those who are blocked from knowing God because their father (and mother) stand in the way as bad examples of the fatherhood of God. Everyone needs to know that whatever anyone in our lives, fathers included, have failed to be, our Father God is enough.