Strike out or take a walk?

I enjoy watching baseball, a game I understand. While stats and technical conversations are not as interesting as the action, I know the significance of a full count: two strikes and three balls. The next pitch could determine the inning and even the game. It will make the difference whether the batter is on base or put out.

Fortner’s devotional today reminds me of baseball. He gives three ‘strike out’ pitches that parents might toss at their children: neglecting to teach them the Word of God and how to worship; lack of discipline; and setting a bad example.

As I think of these, I wonder how many Christians can say that their parents ‘struck them out’ yet they still wound up on base in the kingdom of God? This is to encourage others who, like me, did not fulfill their role in an ideal way, partly because their own parents did not do it either. Parenting well from a position of being raised without biblical guidelines is not an easy task.

Today’s passage gives Christians several examples of what it means to be filled with the Spirit and living (or going up to bat) for Jesus. Note that several of these verses are directly about roles for husbands and wives. Obedience to these not only bring glory to God, but give children an image of how the church is an obedient ‘helper’ to God. Below are two sentences that speak directly to children, and then another speaks directly to raising children in the power of the Holy Spirit:

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), ‘that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.’ Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:1–4)

As I read the entire passage, it occurred to me that a dad who loves his wife, and a wife who partners with and respects her husband is more of an example to the children than their church-related activities.

Also, the most important command says not to exasperate or goad them to anger, but raise them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Some versions use ‘educate and train’ or ‘admonish and encourage’ them in the Lord. This last part could mean to raise them as He nurtures us. It could also mean being ‘in the Lord’ and filled with the Holy Spirit. In other words, from the way parents interact with their children, the youngsters are brought to spiritual maturity because they are seeing what God is like. Since most of a child’s ideas about God come from how he sees his parents, this is an important command.

Interestingly, a pastor says he noticed that “the wildest young people came from conservative Christian homes which allowed them no personal choices or freedoms.” While freedom of choice must be gradual and suited to their age and other factors, this enables children to develop personal conviction and faith, rather than second-hand parental guidelines that often will fail them when they are tested. This isn’t in these verses, but a vital part of nurturing our kids.

That is, rather than behavior which causes exasperation, parents are to nurture their children in a supportive manner. They are to “bring them up” or “nourish and protect” regarding “training” which includes the interrelated ideas of education and discipline, just as God does with His children (see Hebrews 12:5–11). It also includes punishment to produce improved behavior.

The second concept is “instruction” and any verbal reprimand or “warning” which is more appropriate for dealing with older children.

I’ve also observed that children need to know and acknowledge their sin, see Jesus and the gospel as sin’s remedy, and to rely on Christ as they encounter life’s challenges. Telling them “Chin up, you can do it” eventually leads to discouragement and frustration. All of us need Jesus.

What if parents do not do this? Does it prevent God from saving a son or daughter of bad parenting or abuse? History and personal experience offer a few examples, not enough to make excuses for poor parenting, but enough to encourage those who find out all these things when it is too late — and their children are adults.

That said, it is never too late to implement the commands of God. Mom and dad can love and respect one another, live for Jesus and set a good example of what God is like. We can apologize to our children for the times we provoked them to anger. We can tell them that God loves them, no matter how often it appeared that we did not. We can also give them freedom to make their own choices. If we don’t agree, we can say so, but we can also respect their decisions and pray for God’s Spirit to guide them and teach them through those decisions.

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Jesus, I know that all is not lost. If the salvation of my unsaved family members depends on my perfect performance, no one can be saved — I will strike out. Instead, salvation depends on You. You can change the heart of the worst of sinners and bring them into a walk with You. The Apostle Paul testifies to that, and so do I. You saved me; You can save anyone.

Imperfect Parents

Today’s devotional makes me sad. The author points to Lot as a bad example of a parent, a man more interested in success in this life than eternal matters. He picked a wicked city to live in and raise his family. Finally, God told him to leave because He was going to judge Sodom . . .

So Lot went out and said to his sons-in-law, who were to marry his daughters, “Up! Get out of this place, for the Lord is about to destroy the city.” But he seemed to his sons-in-law to be jesting. (Genesis 19:14)

Lot lost his home and most of his family. Today’s devotional reading condemns him for poor choices and hints that things might be different had he concentrated on following the Lord. While all that may be true, some people do try to follow the Lord and their children choose to walk away rather than listen. Why is that?

Romans 3 says that there is no one righteous, and not one person seeks God. It takes the power of the Holy Spirit to awaken the human heart to their need. God might use the example of godly parents, or He might do it without any good example in a person’s life. I’ve seen rebellion in children who were raised by godly parents, and people surrender to Christ whose parents were set against Him.

That said, Lot was supposed to be a good example. So am I, not only to my children but to all those around me. Jesus said:

“You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet. You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house.” (Matthew 5:13–15)

Clearly, I am responsible to be a light and let my light shine, but the Bible also says:

“Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.” (Psalm 127:1)

It is partnership with God that makes a difference in raising a family, yet nothing is guaranteed. God, the perfect father, created Adam and Eve and put them in a perfect environment, yet they still made the wrong choice and sinned against Him. That was not God’s fault or His failure to be a good example.

Even good parents have regrets. I do. However, when our daughter was still a teen, she said to me, “Mom, don’t ever blame yourself for my bad choices. I made them and none of them are your fault.” More than thirty years later, I’m still blessing God for His incredible grace in giving her the wisdom and kindness to tell me this.

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Jesus, when Your people err, You continue to show mercy. You took our sins and foolish mistakes upon Yourself and died for them. You live forever to intercede for us. We are imperfect people living in an imperfect world, yet we have You, a perfect Savior, to guide and help us, and to forgive our sins as we stumble along trying to do our best. Without You, all would perish. Thank You for grace that encourages those who have made wrong choices and help to get back on the path. Encourage those whose children have rebelled against them and against You. Remind them that their story is not over and to keep praying because You hear the cries of our hearts.

Knowing the truth is good, but not always good enough

2 Samuel 13:1–39, 2 Peter 1:9–15, Psalm 140:1–13

Many parents have a difficult time rebuking and correcting their children. How can it be done when a spanking has become “child abuse” for little ones, and the older the child, the more difficult to confront or control their bad behavior?

David’s family was large. He had several wives and several children. Because he was the king, he had his hands full with those responsibilities. Not much is said about his relationship with his children when they were small, but the problems they had as adults indicated that he may have missed some areas in their education and in his relationship with them.

It is said that a parent’s weaknesses are multiplied in at least some of their children. For instance, if I have not learned to control a bad temper, I should not be surprised that at least one of my children will have the same problem.

David’s sons had problems that seem related to his problems. For example, “Absalom had a beautiful sister, whose name was Tamar. And after a time Amnon, David’s son, loved her. And Amnon was so tormented that he made himself ill because of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible to Amnon to do anything to her.” (2 Samuel 13:1–2)

One of Amnon’s cousins came up with a scheme. Amnon was able to get Tamar alone and then raped her. Immediately, his lust turned to hatred and he put her out of his house to a life of shame. In the meantime, Absalom plotted revenge and waited two years, eventually killing his half-brother, Amnon. Then he fled, which indicates that he at least feared what his father might do. However, David mourned for Absalom and he did all he could to bring him back home.

Dysfunctional is today’s word for all this. I’m wondering if the biblical word might be disobedience. Parents are to discipline their children. Scripture is full of instances where father’s failed to do this and the results were always catastrophic.

However, adult children are also responsible for their own choices. For members of God’s family, either under the OT covenant or under the new covenant of faith and new life in Jesus Christ, we are told to work at it. We cannot work FOR salvation, but those who are God’s children have responsibilities. We are supposed to obey God, for our own good and the good of our families.

Parents are to raise their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. If those children grow and become part of the family of God through faith, they are told also to “make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.” (2 Peter 1:5–7)

The next verses warn about failure. Those with genuine saving faith will not lose their eternal life, but “whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to confirm your calling and election, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall.” (2 Peter 1:9–10)

Peter, whether he had children or not, realized the importance of teaching how to make good choices and why. He said, “And I will make every effort so that after my departure you may be able at any time to recall these things.” (2 Peter 1:15) He didn’t want the people in the family of God to fall.

David may have tried to teach his sons also, and they would not listen. Either way, they needed to hear the truth about cause and effect, disobedience and consequences. Like Peter, David’s attitude and teaching needed to be diligent, not looking the other way or being ignorant about what was happening in his family.

David wrote many words about goodness and evil, about God’s attitude toward unrighteous behavior, words like: “Let not the slanderer be established in the land; let evil hunt down the violent man speedily! I know that the Lord will maintain the cause of the afflicted, and will execute justice for the needy. Surely the righteous shall give thanks to your name; the upright shall dwell in your presence.” (Psalm 140:11–13)

He knew the truth, but as I’ve also learned, just knowing it is not enough. I must do what God says to conquer my determined sinful desire to ignore what I know and follow the temptations that are so eager to lure me away from total faith in Jesus Christ.