Steep learning curves

I’ve often joked about a new challenge that “the learning curve is so steep that I keep falling off it” — but the latest curve isn’t very funny.

I was with Christians and shared with them whatever the Holy Spirit put on my heart. Afterward, I felt guilty, as if I’d done something wrong. It was not clear to me — which helped because God has shown me that the accusations of the devil are usually vague. Was this false guilt?

Maybe. However, this feeling would not go away, and I was sliding into a very bad attitude. I tried to analyze what I may have done wrong and realized that a couple of things I had shared were not well-received. Both were about amazing things that God is doing, but it seemed to me that my listeners did not believe me. This morning I realized that I was relying on their reception as proof that I was doing what God was telling me to do.

The lesson is to be faithful, regardless of the response. As soon as I realized this, the tense feeling of ‘guilt’ fell away. Faithfulness is never about the results; it is always about obedience, no matter what. Jesus is the measure. He was totally faithful, yet it led Him to His death. His life and attitudes are a great way to measure of the will of God.

Tozer says that God speaks to us with many voices, but He speaks most perfectly from His Word. In this case, he meant the Scripture also. We might not understand what Jesus would do, but God’s will is in black and white in the Bible. The psalmist had the right attitude:

I said, “Behold, I have come; in the scroll of the book it is written of me: I delight to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart.” I have told the glad news of deliverance in the great congregation; behold, I have not restrained my lips, as you know, O Lord. I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart; I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation; I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness from the great congregation. (Psalm 40:7–10)

Many pastors know the frustrating emptiness that comes from a negative response. They preach but nothing happens, or they get emails complaining about the flaws in their sermons. Their learning curve is the same one God has me climbing: do not evaluate faithfulness by whether people agree. While this can be a good way to learn correctness in what I say or do, the ultimate measure is that inner voice of the Spirit and the plain teaching from God’s book.

A tender conscience is good but can be unreliable. My sense of what is right can be affected by pride, but also by Satan’s false accusations that produce false guilt. God is the only one who knows the truth about any situation. I can trust Him to show me when I’ve done something that violates His will, and He is always crystal clear about it.

^^^^^^^^^^

Jesus, You are in my life to clear out and cast away all hindrances to walking with You. You want me to be one with You here on earth as I will be one with You in heaven. I’m to pay attention to others, but also realize that You are working in them to build their faith. If there is unbelief or skepticism in their hearts about You or Your power, I can encourage faith, but only You can fill them with that same sense of wonder that You bring to my heart by what I hear about You and from You. Thank You for bringing back to me a sense of the Holy Spirit’s assurance. Also, thank You for picking me up and putting me back on that learning curve. I’ve a feeling You are not done yet!

It sounds so simple . . .

The love of Christ is not the same as even the strongest human love. He described it Himself when He prayed and said this about us, “I have loved them as You have loved Me” (John 17:23). Jesus loves us as God loves Him, which has to be the purest and strongest love.

Not only that, His love is totally selfless; we may not give much back, but still loves us. His love also has nothing to do with our worth; He loves us because it is His nature to love.

When Paul wrote to the church at Corinth, the people were having trouble staying on track. Much of what they did was fleshy or carnal (selfish), yet he said to them, “I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I am loved” (2 Corinthians 12:15). This is the love of Christ.

Even though Paul was working and praying continually for spiritual growth in the lives of the people in this church, they didn’t seem to appreciate him. They were gifted, yet divided. They fought over who had the best gifts, who was following the best leader, and disagreed about a host of other things. If I had been there, I would likely have taken pot shots at some of them and complained about the rest.

Not Paul. His ministry toward them was for them, not for himself. He didn’t do it for what he could get out of it. Again, this is the love of Christ.

I particularly appreciate what the author of my devotional has to say about this verse. I’ve met this man and sat under the power of his preaching. I’ve also observed the way people in his church reserve front row seats to hear what he has to say and witnessed his humility. I see it again in what he wrote:

There have been times in my ministry as a pastor that I’ve wondered if anyone is listening to what I’m teaching. Do people really appreciate me or the teaching of the Word? It’s easy to fall into that kind of woe–is–me complex.

I understand this. When I first read this verse (and I remember it clearly), it offered me encouragement and direction. It told me that this is how I must feel. Even if those that I cared for did not respond, or were not thankful, I still must love and care for them. To me, this was wonderful and set me free from being worried about responses.

Yet when I read it today, I am convicted. Perhaps I’ve fallen into a trap that the devotional reading describes, that of looking at what I do as something I get, rather than something I give, but regardless of the cause, I find myself complaining rather than being thankful. Too often I feel fearful about acceptance rather than gladly doing as God asks without concern for the results.

Paul says that even if the people hated him, he would still love them. That means living a life filled with the Holy Spirit who can shed abroad in my heart the love of Christ. This love does not depend on responses. It is here for me, as close as that first step needed to get it flowing.

The Bible is clear that I need to confess my sin and be forgiven and cleansed (1 John 1:9). Then I must quit making excuses, quit complaining, and simply make choices that deny myself and do good things for others.