“Everybody does it”

If I put myself on the top of the heap, I am guilty of self-idolatry. If I blindly follow the opinions and values of others, I am guilty of people-pleasing, another form of self-idolatry for in pleasing others, I am really serving myself.

Either way, self-serving always leads to conflict simply because we live in a world filled with people who serve themselves and our desires seldom match. The Bible calls this core motivation sin . . .  

All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him (Messiah) the iniquity of us all. (Isaiah 53:6)

As a Christian, I am charged to abandon that old way of life, that “own way” that looks out for me, myself, and I. However, I sometimes I fall back into it. Scripture is filled with commands, admonitions, and warnings about the dangers of self-centeredness. Instead, the Bible tells me to focus on the needs of others and the glory of God.  

May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Romans 15:5–6)

When Christians have this goal in our hearts, living in harmony is made possible by the grace of God. He helps us love each other and abandon our mutual idolatries. Yet we don’t do this as a “herd” nor do we “go with the flow” into some kind of “everybody does it mentality.” Each person has to deal with their own issues of self-idolization and people-pleasing in order to be in harmony with the rest of God’s people.

Bad things happen when anyone decides to do the “herd” thing. One example is Saul before he became a Christian and was renamed Paul. He listened to a young Christian named Stephen who preached about the faithlessness of Israel. The rest of the crowd became enraged and “cried out with a loud voice and stopped their ears and rushed together at him.” (Acts 7:54–57)

Saul was standing there holding their coats, but he “approved of his execution” going with herd as did many others. That very day, “a great persecution arose against the church in Jerusalem, and they were all scattered throughout the regions of Judea and Samaria . . . .” (Acts 8:1–3)

Saul led that herd, “still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord.” He also “went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues at Damascus, so that if he found any belonging to the Way, men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem.” However, God had other plans for this man . . .

Now as he went on his way, he approached Damascus, and suddenly a light from heaven shone around him. And falling to the ground he heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” And he said, “Who are you, Lord?” And he said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. But rise and enter the city, and you will be told what you are to do.” (Acts 9:1–6)

Saul was blinded by this light and helpless. A man named Ananias was told to take care of him, but he was afraid and protested. God told him . . .  

“Go, for he is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel. For I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name.” So Ananias departed and entered the house. And laying his hands on him he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus who appeared to you on the road by which you came has sent me so that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” And immediately something like scales fell from his eyes, and he regained his sight. Then he rose and was baptized. (Acts 9:13–18)

The cure for following the herd into idolatry and sin is the same as the cure for a self-centered life of sin. We must surrender allegiance to God. When God sits on the throne of my life, I can be part of society, but motivated by what I can do for the herd, not by how they can feed my sinful desires.

You shall not fall in with the many to do evil, nor shall you bear witness in a lawsuit, siding with the many, so as to pervert justice. (Exodus 23:2)

The opposite of idolatry begins with the heart, but it shows itself in action. By loving God with all my heart, He sets me free to see that the herd is not a tyranny to follow but an opportunity to love others as He loves me.

Perils of people-pleasing

Politicians haven’t changed much over the centuries. After reading the accounts of Pilate trying to please his Roman counterparts, the Jews, and the demands of the crowd rather than do the right thing and free Jesus, I’m reminded of today’s demands on politicians. Voters, big business, and other political members have an agenda and expect their leader to meet their demands. It is no wonder that a few years in office a president or prime minister turns gray and gains far more years of wrinkles on his face than he would have otherwise.

At the end of Jesus’ ministry and after his arrest, Pilate examined the accusations and evidence brought against Him and thought Jesus was innocent of any crime. Pilate’s wife even had a dream and warned him not to touch this man. But Pilate’s political position was at stake. He based his decision on what would get him the most votes and retain his position.

King Herod did the same regarding John the Baptist. He feared John and although he didn’t understand this prophet, he knew John was “a righteous and holy man, and he kept him safe” (Mark 6:20). However, he also wanted to impress the nobles, military commanders and the leading men of Galilee. He invited them to a banquet on his birthday, had his wife’s daughter dance for them, and then made a rash promise to her, offering up to “half of my kingdom.”

The girl asked her mother. The mother had been a target for John as she was actually the wife of Herod’s brother before Herod took her. John publicly said this was a sin, so she told the girl to ask for John’s head . . .

And the king was exceedingly sorry, but because of his oaths and his guests he did not want to break his word to her. And immediately the king sent an executioner with orders to bring John’s head. He went and beheaded him in the prison and brought his head on a platter and gave it to the girl, and the girl gave it to her mother. (Mark 6:26–28)

Idolatry involves putting anything else before God and the will of God. Pilate and Herod were idolaters. Their own position was more important than even their own conscience, certainly more important than God’s laws of love and justice.

Our modern politicians struggle with idolatry too. They are subject to pressures that appeal to their desire to please people, win support, and look good in the polls. But before I become too carried away with finger pointing, how does their ‘disease’ affect me? Does fear of ‘what others think’ affect my words and actions?

One area where I am guilty is in sharing Christ with others as God says I must do. I can act in Christlike ways, but verbally telling others the good news of redemption through faith is not as easy. I’m often frozen by fear that they will not only reject my message, but shoot down the messenger. Is that any different from a politician who hedges over doing the right thing for fear of not being reelected?

Some will adopt the attitude, “I don’t care what anyone thinks” to correct this sin of people-pleasing, but I don’t think this is what God has in mind. I’m supposed to care about people and what they think, just not be anxious of what anyone thinks of me above what God thinks and expects of me. He loves me even when I make mistakes and refuse to open my mouth, but when I do those things, it reveals that I am not loving Him as I ought. Like Pilate and other politicians, I can make idols out of other people and put my own popularity above doing the right thing.

Pleasing God is always ‘in’

People-pleasers are those who will follow the herd, even if it means denying truth and righteousness. This thing called peer-pressure can be a debilitating form of idolatry. However, those whose first allegiance is to Jesus Christ can be part of the herd without being controlled by it.

God wants me to follow Him and love people. By knowing I am a child of God and loved with an everlasting love, I need not allow the fear of rejection govern my life. The love of God makes the difference between being a people-pleaser, or being able to stand for spiritual truth even if others are upset by my stand. Sticking by biblical convictions is also about abiding in Christ . . .

Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. (1 John 4:15–18)

This was an identifying characteristic of the early Christian church. When the disciples were arrested for sharing the Gospel, they began doing it again as soon as they were out of jail. The Captain of the temple and the chief priests ordered them to silence saying, “We strictly charged you not to teach in this name, yet here you have filled Jerusalem with your teaching, and you intend to bring this man’s blood upon us.” But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men. (Acts 5:28–29)

God repeatedly warns His people to fear Him, not other people. He says that, “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” (Proverbs 29:25) Part of His reasoning for this is that the opinions of people come and go, but our relationship with Him is forever.

Listen to me, you who know righteousness, the people in whose heart is my law; fear not the reproach of man, nor be dismayed at their revilings. For the moth will eat them up like a garment, and the worm will eat them like wool; but my righteousness will be forever, and my salvation to all generations. (Isaiah 51:7–8)

My mother once said something about the opinion of people that comes to mind whenever I’m pressured by my peers or anyone else. She was visiting friends and asked if she wanted an egg with her breakfast. She replied, “I don’t know. Are they ‘in’ this year?”

Public opinion comes and goes, but the truth of God is always ‘in’ and is my safeguard against the fear of man. Because of His love for me, I don’t need to be a people-pleaser and can instead be determined to please God.

Obedience or Popularity?

While it is not my aim to make enemies, the Bible tells me that if I do right and stand for truth, I will be in conflict with those who are not interested in either righteousness or truth. I will make enemies.

Lately I’ve realized how easily I can slide into a subtle compromise. Just being silent when I should speak is one way, but there are others. Any time that I go along with the world’s value system, I am denying what I believe. 

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever. (1 John 2:15–17)

A worldly value system is more interested in satisfying self and personal desire, being comfortable, even being exalted, than it is interested in obedience to God. It is one thing to love the world more than God, but how often have I encouraged this value system in others as well? How often had I lifted up status over godly character or achievement over integrity? What did I praise in my children’s lives to encourage a love of God rather than the love of things in the world? And did I do things like this to avoid losing relationships?

The motivations for taking the world’s route can be as simple as not wanting to make enemies. Christ may be the Prince of Peace, but He also said this . . . 

Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. (Matthew 10:34–36)

When His light came into my life, it did not necessarily come into the lives of those around me, including my family. The presence of light should make darkness flee, but if resistance to Light refuses to yield, and if truth sticks to its guns, there will be conflict. Truth always puts lies underfoot, and those who believe those lies will shake their fist at the putting.

This includes those close to me, but it goes farther. Spurgeon says, “If you follow Christ, you shall have all the dogs of the world yelping at your heels.” That means that if my life stands under all tests to my faith, the world might first applaud, but it soon will not speak well of me. Those who are true and faithful to Jesus Christ will find others resenting that unflinching stand because it is a testimony against their sin. It was true for Him and is also true for me.

If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours. But all these things they will do to you on account of my name, because they do not know him who sent me. If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not have been guilty of sin, but now they have no excuse for their sin. Whoever hates me hates my Father also. If I had not done among them the works that no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin, but now they have seen and hated both me and my Father. But the word that is written in their Law must be fulfilled: ‘They hated me without a cause.’ (John 15:18–25)

Today’s devotional reading also says I need the courage of a lion to pursue such a course, because it will turn my best friend into my fiercest foe. For the love of Jesus, I must be courageous to stand for truth, knowing such a stand is hazardous to popularity and acceptance, even from my own family.

Only the Holy Spirit can do this. When pressed to choose between reputation or obedience that risks the friendship of others, my natural response is to back off and be careful, to say as little as possible. But when I do that, I am a spiritual coward. I am forgetting the life of Christ and how He never wavered.

I’m also forgetting that His life lives in me. When I choose to obey, He will come forth, giving my lips and legs and even my heart all that it needs to do what He asks. Whether my words and actions are embraced or rejected, appreciated or ridiculed, it is better to experience the worst of reactions for a brief time or even a long time, than it is to see a frown on the face of my Savior.

********

Lord, I’ve an attitude to confess. I want to be a “sweet little old lady” — which is not a bad ambition, but if my motivation is a desire to have everyone love me, then I must ask for Your forgiveness and grace.

Instead, my desire must be to always love You and not be concerned what others think of me. You said, “If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love” (John 15:10). Abiding in Your love means obedience, not compromise — even for the sake of merely being a sweet little old lady.