Unity in Christ for married couples

 
Our church had a ‘date night’ yesterday with a delicious catered meal, some silly games, and speakers who told us how to strengthen our marriages. The couples were attentive yet those of us married a long time kept wanting to add something to the advice given. Friends at the next table had sixty-three years together. We talked and the end and the husband echoed our ‘secret’ of a happy marriage in three words: Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.

Today’s reading is about the unity produced by the Holy Spirit in the early church. He came on the day of Pentecost and changed their lives.

When the day of Pentecost arrived, they were all together in one place. And suddenly there came from heaven a sound like a mighty rushing wind, and it filled the entire house where they were sitting. And divided tongues as of fire appeared to them and rested on each one of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit…

That was the beginning of what God intended to do and still wants for those who believe in Jesus Christ and follow Him. Paul wrote to the church:

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. (Ephesians 4:1–6)

Our unity is because of the Holy Spirit. As we talked with two other long-married couples last night, we agreed on the power of the Lord to bring unity to marriages. I remember someone saying that the closer two people move toward God, the closer they become to each other. This works in relationships with other believers and is really true for marriages. Christian marriages are not exempt from separation and divorce yet behind all rifts and splits are lies from the pit. Satan does not want “the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” so if he can get us to sin, he will ruin unity and marriage.

One of the ‘tips’ stressed by the speakers was communication. They didn’t mention the power of God to deepen this between couples, but I noticed something reading about the early church. When the Holy Spirit filled them, they began to communicate with others as never before. In that event, they “began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit gave them utterance.” (Acts 2:1–4)

Reading through shows how this involved people with languages they did not previously understand. I chuckled because that is like getting married — two people eventually realize they do not understand one another! However, the Holy Spirit took care of that problem as: “both Jews and proselytes, Cretans and Arabians—we hear them telling in our own tongues the mighty works of God.” (Acts 2:11) This list is longer with several nations involved. God can do that with us too, not so much speaking in other tongues but helping couples hear and understand what at first seems foreign to them.

It began with those who knew Jesus and “with one accord were devoting themselves to prayer”(Acts 1:14). While prayer was mentioned at the date night, the power of God to make marriage last and glorify God in the process is the work of the Holy Spirit.

PRAY: Jesus, while You gave me a few other worthwhile ‘tips’ to strengthen our marriage, seeing Your power to bridge gaps in communication is wonderful. I need to always listen and obey as You tell me to speak and act in ways that make our marriage stronger and that will help others who are curious and want the same unity.

Marriage reflects . . .

Exodus 1; Job 18; Luke 4; 1 Corinthians 5

The Bible is filled with metaphors and symbols. One of them is particularly significant in these days because of increased divorce rates and a great deal of promiscuity . . .

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. (Ephesians 5:22–24)

 Because submission is wrongly interpreted (to mean doormat), many people miss what this is saying. It is not about him/boss and her/slave, not at all. Look again: marriage is God’s illustration of the relationship between Jesus Christ and His people. He asks for His Bride, the church, to follow the leading of Jesus. The man is to love his wife as Christ loves the church and the wife is to respect her husband and follow his lead. Sin in both sides creates a lot of problems, but rather than get into the issue of submission, I’m thinking of the other ways that marriage illustrates the relationship of God and His people.

The Lord is faithful to us and expects our faithfulness. In marriage, fidelity is expected. If I ran around on my hubby, my actions would illustrate those who worship and follow other gods instead of the true God.

For this reason, and because it causes so much pain to those involved, God condemns fornication and adultery. Even non-Christians know (by the pain) that such behavior is not the best way to live. Today’s reading in 1 Corinthians describes the will of God concerning those who pay no attention to the importance of being faithful:

It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that is not tolerated even among pagans, for a man has his father’s wife. And you are arrogant! Ought you not rather to mourn? Let him who has done this be removed from among you. (1 Corinthians 5:1–2)

This church may have thought that tolerating such a person is the ‘loving thing’ to do, but that is not love as God loves. He cares about us to a far greater degree than tolerating our sin. He died for it. He purges it. He knows that sin leads to death. It separates us from Him and from each other. He tells the church at Corinth that sin in their midst is serious, even more serious than the same sin in those who are not believers. After all, the people who do not know Christ cannot be expected to behave in a godly way, but those who belong to Him are called and equipped to live a higher standard:

I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. (1 Corinthians 5:9–11)

The rest of the passage instructs the church to put unrepentant sinners out of their midst. They are like yeast and will permeate and affect everyone. Without fellowship and their support, that person will experience spiritual defeat and must fully repent or risks losing life itself.

Revelation 2:19ff records a letter to a church also guilty, this time because of a woman who was “teaching and seducing my servants to practice sexual immorality and to eat food sacrificed to idols.” The Lord “gave her time to repent, but she refuses to repent of her sexual immorality.” As a result, He “will throw her onto a sickbed, and those who commit adultery with her I will throw into great tribulation, unless they repent of her works, and I will strike her children dead.”

This is the seriousness of violating the will of God. If I or anyone else believes in Him but mocks Him by ignoring how I’m supposed to live, I stand on a slippery slope.

We live in a world that tolerates sin, not because it is ‘loving’ but because it opens the door for those who tolerate it to do the same things. Much of what God calls sin has become so commonplace that even Christians are no longer upset to see it all around us. At the same time, I need to remember that the Lord equips His people for victory over sin. He also wants us to tell the world about Him so that everyone can also be victorious. Without Jesus, and without obedience, I have no message about the wonderful plan of God.

A place to practice obedience

Last night I got ticked off at a couple of things my husband did. Remembering that God says not to let the sun go down on my anger (Ephesians 4:26), I offered an apology before going to sleep. This morning, I thought how easily small things can mess up my God-given spiritual well-being. Keeping short accounts with God and with others is really important. Without it, nothing else seems to go the way it should.
 

God, true to His normal way of speaking to me, offers verses about marriage in today’s devotional reading. As I read the following verses, I thought how modern readers sometimes argue over what the New Testament says about marriage as these verses sound as if Paul thinks everyone should stay single. I’m sure there are times in every marriage when many would agree with that idea…

Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. (1 Corinthians 7:25–28)

Paul concludes this passage with another statement that adds to the idea that marriage is a big hindrance to serving God.

So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better. (1 Corinthians 7:38)

However, I’m cautious about lifting anything out of its context. This passage says more than those verses. What is Paul’s real reason for telling his readers that marriage brings troubles and singleness is better? These are more of his thoughts and motivations for what he has written…

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:32–34)

Paul is wanting all Christians to live in freedom from the cares of this world and the cares of trying to please a spouse, as opposed to being holy and pleasing the Lord. I don’t think he is saying the two are mutually exclusive, but that marriage adds an extra challenge to those whose hearts are set on putting Jesus Christ first in their lives and priorities.

Paul also says, “I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:35). He is not wanting to restrict people to singleness but cautions his readers against the reality that marriage can divide their devotions and put them in either/or situations where they must choose between the clear commands of the Lord and the present demands of married life.

Yet is this really the issue? In my own life, I have found marriage and the demands of being married an arena for godliness rather than a distraction from it. My focus is how to be a good Christian in marriage. I have different challenges than I would as a single person, but also different opportunities to develop a Christlike character. If I were a single person, I would not be concerned about all the husband/wife passages in the Bible, nor how to respond to my spouse in a way that demonstrates the relationship between Christ and His bride.

This is not to say that singleness is without challenges, but the relationship between married couples who love the Lord gives them a challenge to demonstrate obedience to God that might not otherwise be theirs. While working on this intimacy and relationship could be a distraction from service to the world “out there” it still has great value in developing that “good order” and “undivided devotion” that Paul talks about. This can make married people better equipped for any ministry.

Marriage also is an arena where Christians can learn how to be free from anxiety. We learn that, not by abandoning interest in pleasing God but learning how to please God with the added responsibility of caring for our spouse. He teaches me to please Him rather than being worldly and concerned with this life only. He also teaches me to do all that I do for my spouse with godly motivations and in the strength and grace supplied by the Holy Spirit. 

Whether he was married or not, maybe Paul said singleness was better because he could see that learning to rely on God in marriage is not an easy challenge!

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Father, thanks for these thoughts from Your Word. You challenge me to respond to my husband as the church should respond to Christ. You also challenge me in many other ways to live for You and what better place to learn and practice that than in my home!

Marriage is made in heaven

Marriage is compared to many things, often negative, but not too often do I hear (or see) it compared to the relationship between God and His people. This biblical comparison gives marriage a high calling and sets a lofty standard. The idea begins in the Old Testament.

For your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called. (Isaiah 54:5)

And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord. (Hosea 2:19–20)

This union between God and His people points forward to an even more intimate union in the New Testament. Here the church is said to be the Bride of Christ, presented to Him by the Father. 

For I feel a divine jealousy for you, since I betrothed you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ. (2 Corinthians 11:2)

In the commands to husbands, this comparison is made strong and clear:

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. (Ephesians 5:25–27)

God’s purpose in marriage is supposed to be a picture of His own divine relationship with the people He has chosen for Himself. The Old Testament story of Jacob’s affection for Rachael pictures or points forward to how Jesus gave himself for His betrothed, willingly paying the bride-price by laboring for her, even dying for her. His sacrifice for His church is the only way His people could be presented to Him in purity, forgiven and cleansed.

The Bible talks of a marriage supper in heaven when their intimacy will be complete, yet here and now, the church is still referred to as His bride because we are united to Him by His great love for us. We are precious in His sight even as we wait for that full and eternal intimacy with Him.

This picture of marriage is better understood through knowing the marital practice in the time of Jesus. At that time, a couple was betrothed and considered married during their engagement period and before they had consummated their union. So it is with the church as the bride of Christ.

Admittedly, the bride of Christ needs a lot of work. We wander this world often in need of further sanctification and cleansing as those verses in Ephesians say, yet we are still dear to Him, precious in His sight, written on His hands, and united to His heart. Jesus treats His church with all affection, making provision for her needs, even her wants, pays her debts, allows her to assume his name, and to share in all his wealth.

The world may not see this love and care as easily as those who receive it. The reason is that there is a “church” that calls itself so, but filled with people who have never known Jesus or the intimacy that this marriage brings. They may be zealous but have missed this Husband-Bride relationship that is only for those that have been betrothed to Him by the regenerating power of the Holy Spirit through saving faith. Thus the true union is muddled with those who claim it but don’t have it.

In this divine marriage, the word divorce is not used. God hates divorce for separation ruins the analogy. Also, the analogy does not include death. The end of physical life severs the ties in an earthly marriage, but it cannot sever the tie in this immortal marriage. Human marriage does not carry over into eternity as Jesus said we would be “like the angels of God” yet there is one exception. That union between Christ and His Church will be celebrated with a feast and enjoyed forever.

Marriage these days has been taken through the muck. What God intended to be full of purity and joy so often is not. But even when a husband and wife more closely mirror the heavenly model, that relationship is still a faint picture of the mystical marriage where Christ left His Father and became one flesh with His bride.

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Jesus, my heart is filled with so much from thinking about these truths. For one thing, I need forgiveness on two levels. In my own marriage, I so often fail to mirror what You intended. I do not behave toward my spouse as the church ideally responds to You. Not only that, as a member of Your Body and part of the people who collectively are Your Bride, I also fail to remember and respond to You as the One who loves and cares for all of Your people.

Yet You do. You never leave us nor forsake us. You are always for us, not against us. You sacrificed Yourself that we might be holy and without blemish. For all that You do, I am amazed, grateful and filled with love, wanting to serve You with my whole heart in this delightful partnership.