Tested again . . .

Some people are more lovable than others. Sometimes a person is more lovable at times than at other times, like a cooing baby vs. the same baby whining all day. The measurement is usually how that person (or baby) makes me feel. This is not the love of God.

The love of God is not about being lovable. If it was, He would have no reason to love me. I can be a pain in the neck to people, never mind to a holy and perfect God who looks for righteousness and whose standards are higher than I can reach or even imagine. Thankfully, His love is not based on my performance.

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:6–8)

The love of God is about who He is, not about who I am. It is unconditional and flows from His heart because that is who He is — a loving God.

And He tells us to love one another like that, not because of the performance of the other person but because I am given this unconditional love and able to pass it on, to love others unconditionally because of Jesus.

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. (1 John 4:7–12)

I got tested on this last night at a quilter’s meeting. Quilters are a generous group and usually kind and loving rather than demanding. I sat beside a person I’d not met and soon discovered that she was an exception, critical of the way the meeting was run, the speaker, how they did the door prizes, the quilts that were displayed in ‘show and tell’ time, the temperature in the room and how long the meeting lasted.

Since love begins in the heart, my initial battle was in my own attitude. I could have responded with criticism of her critical spirit. I could have contradicted her remarks. I could have got up and moved. This was, for me, one of those “what would Jesus do?” situations.

The test included a critical remark about one of the charity quilts. She didn’t know that I had made it. Her remark was subjective and a matter of taste as the quilt itself was not wonky or ugly. How was I supposed to respond to what she said? I didn’t. I thought about defending the quilt but realized that this was not necessary. What was more important was my attitude before God. She had no idea that He was using her to test me and I knew that whatever was motivating her had nothing to do with me. Even so, thoughts of retaliation ran through my head. Thankfully, even though they came in, by the grace of God I was able to let them keep on running and go back out again.

Today I write about this as a reminder that Jesus died for me while I was still a sinner. His grace set me free from the wrath of God. I have no right nor reason to be angry with anyone who ‘sins’ even if they sin against me. Jesus changes love from something based on how the other person makes me feel to something based on the reality of His love that is based only on His character.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Lord Jesus, this is a vivid illustration of Your amazing care. I know in my head that Your love is given without me doing anything to deserve it. From this experience, I also have a bit of a glimpse of how Your love feels when I act like a jerk. I’m both amazed and humbled that You care for me because of who You are, not what I am. I’m also dumbfounded that You grant me the grace to care for others the same way.

Today’s thankful list . . .

- God loves me no matter what.

- the Holy Spirit causes that love to be spread to others through His people.

- another wonderful time of prayer with my sisters in Christ.

- a good medical system where I don’t have to wait all day for blood tests.

- my hubby is helpful wherever he sees a need!

- Finishing a quilt — finally.

From out of the heart . . .

Yesterday one of my neighbors invited me to the local “Festival of Trees.” We had an enjoyable time looking at everything from old fashioned décor to the latest in Christmas tree fashions. There even was one made out of PVC pipe. However, the show winner was, get this, made out of plastic water bottles. They had been cut in half and shredded to look like angel hair, then fashioned into a tree with lights. It was unique, if nothing else.

We also enjoyed singers, dancers, gymnasts, and other action on a stage, and got to vote on our favorite decorated cakes and gingerbread creations. It was a lovely afternoon and I thanked my friend for inviting me.

Today I read this passage of Scripture and thought of her. She is an easy person to care about . . .  “Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law. Besides this you know the time, that the hour has come for you to wake from sleep. For salvation is nearer to us now than when we first believed. The night is far gone; the day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.” (Romans 13:8–14)

I cannot imagine doing anything like the sins listed above toward my neighbor I spent the day with, but then realize that some neighbors are easier to love than others. On more reflection, I don’t think God wants my love for others to be based on how loveable they are. If that is the love He has in mind, then He could never love anyone.

No matter who we are, or how virtuous we might be, the Bible says that all have fallen short. At one time or another, I’ve failed to love others the way I ought. I haven’t murdered anyone, but the thought has been there. I’ve not taken anything that wasn’t mine to take, but the thought was there. I can imagine doing sinful things and feel just as guilty about those thoughts as if I had really done something bad.

Some might argue that thoughts are merely temptations and not sin, but none of us would want our thoughts made public. The Bible says that Jesus knows the thoughts and intents of the heart. I might be able to keep them from others, but can anyone keep secrets before God? I’d rather admit that they were there than try to pass them off, or excuse them as a bird flying over my head, as if there is nothing wrong on the inside of my head.

Didn’t Jesus also say that it is what comes out of the heart that condemns us? And Proverbs tells me to guard my heart, for out of it flows the issues of life?

The desires of the flesh and of the mind are not always what they should be, but Romans 13 says not to make provision to satisfy them. For me, that means when I think about anything that is against the will of God and unloving toward others, I’m not to let it stick around or entertain it. Make no provision for it. Offer nothing that will feed or nourish it. Starve it and put it to death.

Again, some people are easy to love. But these commands are not about them, even as they are not about those less easy to care about as God cares about us. The question is: am I thinking with the mind of Christ? If so, it does not matter who my neighbors are or how likeable (or not) they might be. The issue is what is going on in my heart.  

Make peace, not war

The Holy Spirit convicts me today of being heartless. We have a neighbor who professes to be a Christian, yet her world is all about her. She listens to no one and is angry at or suspicious of most of the people on our street. We have been patient, but the last couple of days, not so much. 
 

God continually introduces us to people and situations that are at least inconvenient if not bothersome. It often happens when we are under other pressures, like moving. Unfortunately, unless I am filled with God’s Spirit and worshipping Him, the most natural thing to do is to respond with annoyance. 

If in that attitude I try to speak to fleshy Christians of God and how a Christian should behave, I will give them a truth or a verse like the jab of a spear. Instead of relying on Him for wisdom in how to deal with difficult people, I may even behave in worse ways that the person I accuse of thoughtlessness. To this, Oswald Chambers asks, who grieves God the most? Is it His immature child whose focus is always on herself, or His child who gets annoyed with the selfishness of the other child? 

Chambers uses that phrase, “the most natural thing,” to describe reliance on the old nature instead of the most unnatural thing of relying on God. When I rely on God, cares, tribulation, anxieties and even pesky people cannot get to me. When I recognize the abiding presence of Jesus Christ, worry cannot get in because God is with me. Such deep awareness of His presence and total reliance on Him is an effective barricade against all onslaughts.

God challenges me again. Instead of interceding for her and relying on God to provide grace and growth, I am frustrated that this is not happening. Instead of asking God for the right words to say, I’m blurting out my frustrations and hoping the poke of a strong rebuke will make stop her constant demands.

God calls me to live differently than that. While I am free in Christ and do not have “a list of rules for difficult people” I do have His Word telling me how to think and behave.

For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another. But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another. (Galatians 5:13–26)

I could make excuses, such as: if I was the pest, then I’d want the other person to tell me to stop doing it; or we are moving and cannot be the sole resource for someone who has turned off everyone else from helping her. I could say the Spirit didn’t give me anything to say. Or I can take responsibility for my own lack of living in step with the Spirit. If He gives nothing to say, that means I should shut up.

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Lord, at this point, I know that You don’t want me to be heartless and that You do want me to rely on You for a right attitude and right words toward others.  I’m certain that right now, if I tried to apologize to this neighbor for my heartlessness, I would also push for one from her for her thoughtlessness. Actually, I don’t think she is even aware of how she acts and seems oblivious how her behavior causes others to pull away. We have refused to feud with her, and have helped her in the past. We have no intention of making war. Grant us the grace needed to do whatever You want from us, in the Spirit and not bothered by whatever treatment we get in return. Blessed are the peacemakers…

Affection for the hard-to-love?

I’ve heard Christians say, “I love that person, but I don’t like them.” They are talking about agape love, which is an act of the will, a love that seeks the best for another and often at a personal cost.

But this statement isn’t biblical. Christian love isn’t just about self-sacrifice (which could be done without emotion); it is also about affection. Many passages say something like the words in this one:

Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another. (Romans 12:10)

The word translated “brotherly love” in this verse is not agape but “philadelphia” which is the normal affection that any person can have for another person.

Actually, there are at least four Greek words for love and two of them are used in this verse. The highest form is agape, that self-sacrificial love involving a choice made to seek the best for another. This is the love that took Jesus to the cross, and the word used in verse 9, “Let love be without hypocrisy.” It is a special love that Christ gives me and expects from me.

The second word for love is philos. It has many forms including philadelphia which is in this verse. It means an “affectionate regard” for someone, and is often translated brotherly love.

A third word is philostorgos which means “family affection” and this one is also in this verse. It means to be “kindly affectionate” and refers to the family aspect of being a child of God. We love one another because we have the same Father and are spiritual brothers and sisters.

Another word, eros, is the root word for erotic. It is about that physical ardor and sexual emotion that many people think is the only kind of love. This word does not occur in the New Testament.

Even though the idea of being willing to sacrifice myself for someone I don’t really like is not a biblical idea, it happens. Some people are difficult to care about. Yet I’m seeing that God wants me to do more than choose agape; He wants me to feel affection.

Over the years, God has taught me some lessons about this. I’ve discovered that even the unlovable people I know have some characteristic or even a quirk that is endearing. For instance, one of my aunts was always hypercritical, but when she was finished raking someone (who was usually absent) over the coals, she would get this funny little grin out of the corner of her mouth. She almost looked embarrassed at what she was doing and this little smile seemed to soften her in some way.

This facial expression has become my endearing and enduring memory of her. I cannot remember the negatives, when I think of her, only that grin. Because of it I feel affection, even though she was not an easy person to care about.

I wonder if God does the same with me. I am a big pain at times, and even though I’m sure that His love for me is secure and eternal, I must stretch His affection.

However, Zephaniah 3:17 says, “The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”

The more I know Him, the more I realize that when He look at me He does not get annoyed at my quirks. Instead, He rejoices over me with singing. That sounds like affection. He might be “focusing on that which is endearing” but He also looks at me and sees Jesus.

I’ve lots to learn, both about love and affection!