Guard my conversations. . . .

Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler. (Proverbs 20:19)
Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered. (Proverbs 11:13)
Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin. (Proverbs 13:3)

Yesterday I met with two others for prayer and sharing our thoughts. We have learned that some subjects bless us, but not gossip. Sharing our thoughts can build us up, but not if our words are tearing someone down. We have also learned that each of us has wisdom to share. I’m learning the value of listening…

Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. To draw near to listen is better than to offer the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they are doing evil. Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few. For a dream comes with much business, and a fool’s voice with many words. (Ecclesiastes 5:1–3)

Not gossiping yet being watchful regarding those who do, or those who cause other problems is not easy, for if we speak evil of them, we become guilty of the same thing they do. This is a challenge:

I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive. For your obedience is known to all, so that I rejoice over you, but I want you to be wise as to what is good and innocent as to what is evil. (Romans 16:17–19)

The answer to this came in a discussion about current political issues. Rather than be critical or correcting policies that we have no control over, this passage came to mind:

First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way. (1 Timothy 2:1–2)

Then this thought: it is impossible to hate someone that I continually pray for, so is it possible that God commands us to pray for our politicians so we do not hate them and instead give them prayer support? If our hearts are not filled with malice or personal preferences, perhaps with anger too, the Lord will soon give us productive prayer requests.

This command is not so those leaders will make my life peaceful and godly, but so I will be behaving that way rather than worrying and complaining about the behaviors I do not like, as if I know how to run the world better than they do — or better than God does.

Lord Jesus, the media and many others constantly criticize those in leadership. This is disobedience. We are to pray. It may be appropriate to voice our concerns, but not to each other. Your Word says to take criticism or rebukes directly to the person who is not doing right, not to gossip about them. That is unfruitful and sin. If I pray, You give me the right course of action, or may even tell me to keep my mouth shut because You are in charge. Thank You. I will be praying for those in high positions more often — without talking or complaining about them instead of listening to You. 

When the lowest score wins…

While baseball’s hall of fame hitter Hank Aaron was exaggerating, he expressed the frustration of many golfers by saying, “It took me 17 years to get 3000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.”

There is more than one “G” activity where a low score is the best score. It is GOSSIP. I can imagine how coming up to bat or to hit a golf ball is like gossip being observed by the Holy Spirit to see whether or not I will score.

This is because with gossip, scoring is about doing nothing, saying nothing, and being positive to the ‘crowd’ around me. Actually, gossip is usually not about keeping score, but more about getting even, trying to make myself look better than someone else, or smarter, or more knowledgeable about the sins of others. Yikes, even a ‘hole in one’ is not low enough to escape the judgment of God on telling tales that should not be told.

The OT says this:

Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered. (Proverbs 11:13)
A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends. (Proverbs 16:28)
For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases. (Proverbs 26:20)

Betraying a confidence ruins relationships, adds to conflict and ruins lives. The NT lists it with other sins that are much easier to look down my nose at, yet God isn’t overlooking this one at all. He even points to those the most apt to do it — people who have better things to do but spend their time gossiping: “Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.” (1 Timothy 5:13) These NT lists clarify the seriousness of idle chatter aimed at those who are not present to defend themselves:

For I fear that perhaps when I come I may find you not as I wish, and that you may find me not as you wish—that perhaps there may be quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder. (2 Corinthians 12:20)
They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God’s righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them. (Romans 1:29–32)

My beautifully transparent sister once told me her method for stopping those who gossiped. She said, “I start gossiping about myself.” 

Actually, gossip is a form of being judgmental. Jesus had much to say about that. In a nutshell, He tosses this evil talk back at those who do it:

Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. (Matthew 7:1–2)

Jesus does not have to judge me to make Himself look better than I am. He does not expose my follies to others so they are impressed with His insights. He judges me to show me where I need to repent and confess — and that would not happen if He did it behind my back. He also does it to enable me to become more like Him. Instead of gossip, love either gently confronts the object of such talk or prays for that person and keeps my mouth shut.

PRAY: Jesus, too many times my gossip score rises above zero and I need You to hit me with my own imperfections and swat me with my need to treat others with that same loving care as You treat me. You are gracious and so quickly forgive me. May I be more like You and score nothing in that sinful G game by not playing at all, or perhaps learning to ‘gossip’ about myself, or better yet, tell people about the virtues of others.


 

What about that ‘village gossip’. . . ?

 

 

READ Proverbs 17-20

A series of novels takes place during and after the first world war. Every story in this series has at least one “village gossip” usually more. Much of their talk is based on what they heard from someone else other than first- hand experience or on suppositions rather than truth which borders on slander.

Gossip is common, happens everywhere, and hardly anyone is exempt. Current social media could be renamed ‘The Village Gossip.’ Do any of us realize that the Word of God puts gossip in a few lists of serious sins?

In the NT, 2 Corinthians 12:20 lists “quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder” and Jesus said, “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person . . . .” (Matthew 15:19–20)

In today’s reading, several verses warn against control of the tongue, particularly in this area of talking about other people in negative ways. These are strong reminders!

Gossip/slander ruin relationships and lives.

Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. (Proverbs 17:9)

Gossip/slander offend God.

He who justifies the wicked and he who condemns the righteous are both alike an abomination to the Lord. (Proverbs 17:15)

Gossip/slander identify fools.

Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. (Proverbs 17:27–28)

A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion. (Proverbs 18:2)

A fool’s lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating. A fool’s mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul. The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body. (Proverbs 18:6–8)

If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. (Proverbs 18:13)

Gossip/slander bring judgment against those who do it.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. (Proverbs 18:21)

A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will not escape. (Proverbs 19:5)

A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will perish. (Proverbs 19:9)

While there are times to identify sin and warn God’s people to avoid associating with liars, fools, and gossips, it is easy to slide over the line and spread information that is harmful to the reputation of someone else. When another person or a group I’m with begins to gossip, what can I do?

I remember a discussion with my sister. She said, “I just start gossiping about myself” — she changes the subject by telling stories about her own sinfulness or foolish behavior. Her humor came out as she described how embarrassing that is to her friends who love her and how quickly they change their whispers against someone else to a defense of her confessions with words like, “Oh no, not you . . . .”

In my own heart, I recognize why people tell stories that put down others. It is pride, envy, insecurity, or resentment. That is, I think I am better than others, or I want what they have, or I feel less of a person than they are, or they did something to hurt me. If I was the one gossiping, it would help me if my listener asked pointed questions and redirected the conversation to my root issue. Handling gossip this way requires loving concern for the person doing it, not using it as an exposing ploy.

Gossip really isn’t funny. I could defend the person who is the subject of the gossip, but what if the “have you heard this” story is true, then what? Some might suggest that “we should mind our own business” or tell the person talking to go directly to the person they are talking about as Jesus says in Matthew 18.

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” (Matthew 18:15)

If the gossip is false and slanderous, better to suggest ‘more research’ before siding with Satan who is the ‘father of lies’ and ‘the accuser’ of God’s people. Or in some cases, it’s good to simply walk away. Make sure the gossip ends with me and then do not associate with people who tell tales on others. Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler. (Proverbs 20:19)

Another response, and perhaps the best one, is to say, “Jesus is here. Let’s ask Him to help us respond in a godly way to this person’s needs and problems . . . ” then bow my head and start praying.

 

Dreams that God uses . . .

Leviticus 8; Psalm 9; Proverbs 23; 1 Thessalonians 2

This voluntary social distancing could make me even more self-centered. In efforts to avoid that, I’m praying more, calling people, and thinking about others and their struggles with this trial. However, last night I had another dream, this time not so pleasant as one yesterday. I dreamt we were still attending another church where we’d been for many years and where I led a Bible study for most of those years.

In the dream, I walked into the ladies’ washroom without being noticed and some of the women were talking about me. Their words were both false and unkind. I listened for a minute then left to sit in the sanctuary.

When the pastor came to preach, he’d changed the message from the regular Bible book series. Instead, he said the Lord laid on his heart to speak about gossip. He began talking and I woke up, glad yet feeling a bit hurt and betrayed. How odd, but God teaches me in dreams. I read the above four passages listening for His voice.

First, I was impressed by the command/obedience theme in Leviticus. “And Aaron and his sons did all the things that the Lord commanded by Moses.” (Leviticus 8:36) Several times I’ve heard a pastor say that God changed his sermon plan. In my dream, not only did the ladies from the washroom need to hear it, but I also needed to hear that when others sin against me, God will “maintain my just cause; you have sat on the throne, giving righteous judgment.” (Psalm 9:4)

David knew oppression, unfair treatment and betrayal from those who seemed his friends. He also wrote this:

“But the Lord sits enthroned forever; he has established his throne for justice, and he judges the world with righteousness; he judges the peoples with uprightness. The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.” (Psalm 9:7–10)

Proverbs had only a short item of advice for me. I’m not aware of any fools to whom it applies but it helps me remember that unkind words are not always deserved. As a Bible teacher, I need to remember that some people will be convicted by what I say. Instead of giving attention to God’s message, they will attack the messenger:

“Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, for he will despise the good sense of your words.” (Proverbs 23:9)

This did not happen to Paul regarding the people he taught at Thessalonica. He and those with him “worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you, while we proclaimed to you the gospel of God. You are witnesses, and God also, how holy and righteous and blameless was our conduct toward you believers. For you know how, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.”

These people were not the fools described in Proverbs 23:9. Paul said of them,

“And we also thank God constantly for this, that when you received the word of God, which you heard from us, you accepted it not as the word of men but as what it really is, the word of God, which is at work in you believers.” (1 Thessalonians 2:9–13)

Prior to that, Paul describes his attitude in the ministry he’d been given. This is extremely good advice:

“For our appeal does not spring from error or impurity or any attempt to deceive, but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts. For we never came with words of flattery, as you know, nor with a pretext for greed—God is witness. Nor did we seek glory from people, whether from you or from others, though we could have made demands as apostles of Christ. But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.” (1 Thessalonians 2:3–8)

APPLY: Pay attention to words of ‘good sense’ and make certain that what I say also contains words of good sense, given by God for me to say. Keep my motivations pure, loving others and discerning when to speak and when to be silent. Also, use the Word of God and don’t be anxious if some attack me rather than obey Him. He can deal with their needs just as He deals with mine.