Who is on the throne of my heart?

 

Every morning before reading the Bible I spend time singing. My voice is not great but the lyrics are prayers as well as worship. One song today is fairly new to me: “Oh give me rest from Self” with verses like: “This cruel self, oh, how it strives and works within my breast, to come between Thee and my soul, and keep me back from rest.”

Today’s devotional reading says the same thing! It describes how most people think they are the greatest or the most important people in the universe with lives made up of endless variations on the word “me.” I know that problem. While the Bible is clear that my old self died with Christ and is separated from God, the desire to be the center of everything, or fulfill my dreams, or share my views and wisdom, or get others to follow my ideas, blah, blah, blah. I enjoy people but am content to be alone, which does not help this battle with self. What I know is mostly related to myself.

The reading quotes Solomon’s battle with self-made happiness. He said in his heart:

“Come now, I will test you with pleasure; enjoy yourself.” But behold, this also was vanity. I said of laughter, “It is mad,” and of pleasure, “What use is it?” I searched with my heart how to cheer my body with wine—my heart still guiding me with wisdom—and how to lay hold on folly, till I might see what was good for the children of man to do under heaven during the few days of their life. I made great works. I built houses and planted vineyards for myself. I made myself gardens and parks, and planted in them all kinds of fruit trees. I made myself pools from which to water the forest of growing trees. I bought male and female slaves, and had slaves who were born in my house. I had also great possessions of herds and flocks, more than any who had been before me in Jerusalem. I also gathered for myself silver and gold and the treasure of kings and provinces. I got singers, both men and women, and many concubines, the delight of the sons of man. So I became great and surpassed all who were before me in Jerusalem. Also my wisdom remained with me. And whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them. I kept my heart from no pleasure, for my heart found pleasure in all my toil, and this was my reward for all my toil. Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun. (Ecclesiastes 2:1–11)

In these verses, the word “I” is repeated more than a dozen times, yet at the end of his efforts, he realized that self rule did not profit him nor did it help anyone else. It was a waste of time and energy, a waste of his life.

Jesus  was not that way. He could pray, “Not my will but thine be done” because self was not the center of His universe — the souls of sinners were more important, and the will of His Father was at the top of the list. He spent all of His waking hours doing what God wanted Him to do — be with needy people, teaching them and being gracious unto them. His life was spent to redeem unworthy sinners such as me.

This makes Jesus the most important person in the universe. Without His grace, I would not even be alive and breathing, never mind forgiven and on my way to endless life with Him. He loves, heals, perseveres, is ever-present, all wise, full of grace and truth. To be like Him is to put the will of God front and center, knowing that my old self was crucified with Him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that I would no longer be enslaved to sin. (Romans 6)

PRAY: Keep my focus on You, Lord. It is too easy to consider my ideas and plans, even get annoyed if You bring interruptions to what I’m doing. How vain. Forgive my lapses into self-rule and enable continual trust in You, with all my heart and soul by Your grace, for You are the center of everything.

An Obvious Theme . . .

 

READ Matthew 1–4

At the command of an angel, Joseph married a pregnant virgin. At the appearing of a star, Maji went searching for a king. They were told to report to a foreign king but warned in a dream, they did not. In another dream, an angel told Joseph to flee to Egypt and he took the child and his mother and fled, returning only when another angel told him it was safe.

Told by the Lord to do so, John the Baptist told people to repent. When Jesus requested to be baptized, John was unsure of the need, but consented and obeyed.

Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. He went, even fasted and passed the tests from the evil one. He, God in human flesh, submitted to the ministry of angels. Then He also preached repentance. He called Simon and Andrew from the fishing to follow Him. Immediately they left their nets and followed Him, as did John and James.

He healed the sick and cast out demons and the people brought the sick and those afflicted; He healed them all and great crowds followed Him.

I’m thinking how slow I can be to hear Him call and then do exactly what He asks. Would I be more apt to obey and quicker if angels told me what to do? If I had dreams giving me directions? If He came to me while I was working and specified exactly what He wanted? If I could see Him? If He answered all my prayers for healing and spiritual victories? Or do I make excuses, have my own agenda, make my own plans, and just want to keep doing my own thing?

His disciples dropped what they were doing and went. Yesterday, Jesus kept whispering to me to come aside and pray. Yes, He helped me with the project that had me preoccupied, but I didn’t drop it to give Him my full attention. I’d chat, briefly, then return to my project.

James and John paid a price to follow Jesus: And he said to them, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” Immediately they left their nets and followed him. And going on from there he saw two other brothers, James the son of Zebedee and John his brother, in the boat with Zebedee their father, mending their nets, and he called them. Immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him. (Matthew 4:19–22)

 They left their nets and their father, their jobs and their families. All He asked me to leave was a project that would still be there after I finished praying. They obeyed immediately, a word translated from eutheos, meaning at once or instantly, without any hesitation. This entire reading is about obedience, and as a test of my response to Jesus, I flunk far too often or don’t give Him my full attention.

Lord God, I know You forgive and give second-chances. I also know my salvation does not depend on me in any way except that obedience shows that You have redeemed me. This habit of being easily distracted to do my own thing needs to change. I know that I cannot rescue myself or make myself be totally surrendered. I can only yield to You each time You ask until obedience becomes the norm instead of a battleground. Make me more like You, whatever it takes.

 

Contentment in doing whatever I can do

 

 

READ 2 Corinthians 5-8

When Christ took me into His kingdom, I was extremely ambitious with many interests and eager to try new things, something like an untamed horse turned into a lush pasture. I wanted to be everything that God asked for and do it perfectly.

That changed. I remember reading something by Watchman Nee, a Chinese Christian martyred for his faith. He said that he felt like a pretzel when God taught him first to keep his mouth shut — then to open it only when God wanted him to speak.

This principle hit my life and because I am stubborn and determined to do well, it has taken me a long time to learn that God wants my skills and abilities to be used for Him, by Him, and when He wants them used, or even if He wants them used. I learned that His idea of skill did not match mine and He measures success differently than I do. Learning to shut up is always a challenge. So is learning to listen to God. I’m better than before, but still have flaws and failures in listening, never mind the obedience part.

Yet over the years, the Lord has taken away much of that human striving and much of my ambitions and interests, teaching me to listen to Him, realizing His ways are different from mine. I feel that I ‘never do enough’ but He keeps reminding me that He is able to work with whatever anyone does, big or small. For instance, a small boy offered fives loaves and two fish — and Jesus used that little bit to feed a multitude.

At the moment, world events have me again thinking that ‘I must do something’ and the unbelief all around me often pressures me into thinking ‘I must do something’ — and I’m anxious because I don’t have the skills or the wherewithal to do anything about either situation. That is a hard reality for someone who had a track record of rising to the occasion. It is also difficult for those who have never had many personal resources. Both realities keep me in prayer. Even though I cannot do something, nothing is too hard for God!

This morning, I read this passage with one line in it that explains what God expects of His people, regardless of what we have or do not have. It is in the context of giving money, but the principle applies to any sort of Christian service . . .

We want you to know, brothers, about the grace of God that has been given among the churches of Macedonia, for in a severe test of affliction, their abundance of joy and their extreme poverty have overflowed in a wealth of generosity on their part. For they gave according to their means, as I can testify, and beyond their means, of their own accord, begging us earnestly for the favor of taking part in the relief of the saints— and this, not as we expected, but they gave themselves first to the Lord and then by the will of God to us. Accordingly, we urged Titus that as he had started, so he should complete among you this act of grace. But as you excel in everything—in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in all earnestness, and in our love for you—see that you excel in this act of grace also. I say this not as a command, but to prove by the earnestness of others that your love also is genuine. For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you by his poverty might become rich. And in this matter I give my judgment: this benefits you, who a year ago started not only to do this work but also to desire to do it. So now finish doing it as well, so that your readiness in desiring it may be matched by your completing it out of what you have. For if the readiness is there, it is acceptable according to what a person has, not according to what he does not have. (2 Corinthians 8:1–12)

God never expected me to be like Billy Graham, or Mother Teresa, or any other spiritual ‘giant’ in His kingdom. He accepts what I do according to what I have and according to the needs that I can meet. Some of my skills are not beneficial for building faith or comforting those who suffer. One or two are useful to God. Focus on that and match that focus with completion, not giving up in discouragement because it doesn’t seem like what I do is enough or important enough. Let God decide that!

Lord, help me discern the difference between my old ambitions (which may have been a blessing to me) and Your zeal for doing whatever brings You glory and brings blessing to others. And give me faith that my five loaves and two fish are enough for Your purposes — may I be content with that.