Spiritual weeding

I’ve complained at times that the sins I confess do not go away. God says they will . . .

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

However, He has shown me that a persistent disobedience takes more than one confession. That is, I might confess the action (such has speaking ill of someone) but have not confessed or even realized the heart of the matter — I did that action because I’m selfish. The action is forgiven, but the attitude is still there.

Chambers points to a king in ancient Israel whose heart was true to God, but his actions did not reflect it . . .

But the high places were not taken out of Israel. Nevertheless, the heart of Asa was wholly true all his days. (2 Chronicles 15:17)

My problem shows a mismatched external-internal obedience. Asa’s problem was the same, only reversed. His heart was right but he was not following through with his actions. For this, Chambers says, “Beware of anything of which you say—‘Oh, that does not matter much.’”

God is very patient, but He is also very thorough. If He were weeding a garden, He would not stop until every last weed is gone, every dead leaf removed, every wilted flower deadheaded. My life is like that garden. Weeds are persistent and worse if I don’t care about the flaws in my garden. But God cares, and He will keep at weeding until I respond.

If I profess to be right with God, yet those “high places” remain, then disobedience exists somewhere. Chambers says it will show itself in doubt. I will be uncertain of all being okay between me and my Savior. It might be in my physical life, or my thought life, and something unseen or not noticeable to others, which can make it easier for me to keep it rather than letting God weed it out.

It might also be a lack of spiritual concentration. Chambers says that I cannot have a moral holiday and remain moral, nor can I take a spiritual holiday and remain spiritual. God wants me to be entirely his, and this means that I must keep myself fit. This takes full concentration.

Such spiritual discipline could be compared to shedding a few pounds. The desire is there, the prayers happen, but when the chocolate cake shows up, all desire switches to “I must have that” and the praying stops. I’ve even said to myself that this or that snack doesn’t really matter.

Shedding those “doesn’t matter much” indulgences takes a tremendous amount of time, effort and concentration. I’ve even thought that I could ‘clear that unwanted stuff’ in a few weeks, but it has been years of neglect, bad habits, and excuses that put them there, and it may take years of spiritual concentration before God gives victory and the junk is removed.

Disquieting inertia

Discouragement settled over me this morning even as I got out of bed. Spurgeon’s devotional words seemed just words. I tried My Utmost for His Highest and those words were also just words. Then I noticed the reading for tomorrow. Its title: “Are you discouraged in devotion?”

The author asks if I have ever heard Jesus say a hard word. Of course, but then I thought about yesterday’s word. It seemed so lovely, but already it is hard. He told me to begin a new habit. We had company last night and by the time we had dessert and tea, it was late. Going out to “meditate in the field” seemed too hard. I wanted to go to bed, tried to meditate there, but fell asleep. I did not get off to a good start in this new habit.

While this rich young man who came to Jesus was looking for salvation, we are alike in that he also found the words of Jesus very hard.

When Jesus heard this, he said to him, “One thing you still lack. Sell all that you have and distribute to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” But when he heard these things, he became very sad, for he was extremely rich. (Luke 18:22–23)

The devotional writing points out that Jesus put no pressure at all on this man. He did not plead, cajole or make him feel that he must do it. Instead, He spoke those words and said nothing.

This is exactly how I heard Him speaking to me about changing my evening routine. I listened. It sounded great. I understood exactly what He asked and even liked what I heard — but I didn’t do it. Like this young man, I came to Him full of desire and now feel thoroughly discouraged. Instead of His Word producing enthusiastic devotion, it produced nothing.

Jesus did not go after him. Instead, He let him go. The devotional writer says that the Lord knows that when once His word is heard, it will bear fruit sooner or later. Is that true? He says so, and says that when I do make up my mind to follow through on this particular issue, He will never cast my failures in my face. This encourages me, but I know that if left to myself, I cannot obey. In helplessness, I must rely on His Spirit to give me the motivation and follow-through for even this seemingly pleasant change.

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Lord, as I follow, You lead me through green pastures and beside still waters, but You also take me over mountain passes and up steep slopes. Changing a habit seems a simple thing, particularly when You are asking me to do something that in itself is lovely. Why then is it so difficult?

Part of this is about the inner resistance of my old nature to all that is good and godly. Part of it is inertia; old ways are easier that taking a higher road or a new path. Break my love of routine and move me in the direction You are asking me to take. I agree that what You ask is good, but my physical body needs to move beyond mere acquiescence to actual obedience.

The bottom line of beating bad habits

Today’s average person is bombarded by attention-grabbers: movies, television, books, music, food, clothing, advertisements for goods, the Internet, Facebook, Twitter and so on. For those who are easily distracted, this plethora of external stimuli could keep us off track for years.

In fact, I remember when we first signed up for Internet service. I was afraid to go there because I know myself — I might never come home. I’m thankful that aside from a few flights of fancy looking for images of art quilts, etc., my surfing is limited and I can stay focused. Email and Facebook offer similar challenges, but these two still have me looking for a way of maximum use in limited time.

As a Christian, I must guard my mind, emotions, and will. I need to continually seek the will of God. The best way to do that is by meditating on His Word and letting His will become mine. I know that an unprotected, uncontrolled, and unyielded mind is going to be invaded by selfish desires that will result in sinful actions. Part of the task is controlling how my emotions and thoughts respond to the tempting bait that continually dangles in front of me.

Two passages of Scripture are helpful. The first is a warning and offers one step in beating temptation. The second offers me the resources in how to win this battle of the mind and heart. 

Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life. Put away from you a deceitful mouth, and put perverse lips far from you. Let your eyes look straight ahead, and your eyelids look right before you. Ponder the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established. Do not turn to the right or the left; remove your foot from evil. (Proverbs 4:23-27)

Of course temptation is easier to avoid if I don’t go there. If I was not on Facebook, I would never waste any time with it. If I never bought a chocolate bar, I more easily could avoid eating one. If we did not have a television set, I would not watch it too much.

Yet these verses are talking more about the heart. The desires of the heart make life happen and are at the root of sin. If I want to waste time, I will find a way. If I want to indulge, I will find something, perhaps not in the pantry, but somewhere. Moving far from the temptation will not change my “I-wants.”

However, from these verses and from my own battle, I can see the need for focus. The writer of Proverbs says to think about what I do and form good habits. Stay away from the bad stuff and move on without thinking about what I might be missing. That is good advice.

For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:4-5)

This passage is about where my strength comes from. Avoiding sinful pleasures and indulgences is not about a steely, self-determination. Turning away from lifelong bad habits (strongholds) cannot be accomplished by sheer determination. God offers His power for these things, which makes winning the battle one that begins with humility.

I need to be humble because all selfish and sinful bad habits are a resistance to the plan and will of God. Whenever I do something that indulges me, I am shaking a clenched fist at God. If I want to overcome that indulgence, I need to bow my knee and open my hands to receive. Humility recognizes that I cannot win the battle by myself. I must be willing to cast down all my arguing with God and instead bring every thought into obedience. That makes humility the bottom line in overcoming sin and bad habits.

Overcoming old habits

I’m learning how to use a new piece of software. It is a challenge. One of the functions takes several steps and what seems like forever. Since this function is important and I need it, that part of using this software has become a tedious and almost dreaded process, but it has also become a habit.

Finally the light dawns. I discovered that this tedious function can be done another way. Instead of taking minutes, I can do it in seconds. The menu not only offers the function, but it has a shortcut that uses one keyboard stroke. I am released from the repetition and simply delighted at the freedom of it. Yet now and then, the habit kicks in. I begin those old steps and then shake myself and wonder what I am doing. This is so silly.

I thought of that when I read today’s devotional verse. It is about the challenge of living and the frustration of repeating things and feeling as if I do not know what I am doing. It is also about finally understanding how to walk with God in those matters, and learning how to overcome the pull of going back to my habit of doing those things without Him.

So Jesus said to them, “The light is among you for a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, lest darkness overtake you. The one who walks in the darkness does not know where he is going.” (John 12:35)

Instead of a relatively simple task of finally figuring out how software works, God is continually teaching me how to do things His way. Instead of fumbling through life in my own strength, He offers me a far better way. It is like being given light in a dark place.

The author of today’s reading likens that fumbling without Christ to being lost in a cave and struggling in the dark. Finally a tiny point of light is seen and the lost person gets out of the cave. The silly part would be if he decided that he liked it in the dark and turned back into the cave. That would be the same idea of me returning to my 14-step process of making that software do what I wanted it to do instead of doing it in one easy step. How foolish.

In the more important matters of how to live my Christian life, Jesus offers examples and instructions for each situation and challenge. He is my Light and He gives me light. When I finally “get it” I need to put it into practice. Otherwise, the darkness of meeting those challenges in my own strength will overtake me and I will again be back in the situation of not knowing where I am going.

This is one of my greatest challenges. I know the way out of the cave. I can find the path that gets me into light. My problem is to stay walking on in until it becomes my lifestyle. Far too often I fail to keep at it, walking confidently and obediently in the light until I am well out of the cave.

Poured out not the same as tipped over . . .

Lately I’ve been convicted about several bad habits. The word ‘habits’ is not an excuse. These are sinful things, but habits best describes them because they are seemingly automatic responses in certain situations that I’ve done often and for years without even thinking about them. But now God is saying ‘Enough.’

This makes me sad. I don’t know if I’m sad because I’m ashamed of myself or sad because change seems overwhelming. I know God forgives me. I know God changes me, but sometimes habits cling. These are living things that don’t want to die, and that makes me sad.

God’s part is forgiveness and cleansing. My part is spiritual discipline. When certain situations come up, and along with them those seemingly automatic responses, I have a choice and need to be aware of what is happening. Instead of habit, God asks me to consider Him and make different choices. He must rule my life instead of these foolish habits.

One of them is expressing criticism at perceived wrong. I don’t always do it; the serious stuff takes me to prayer. It is those little things, things that other people may not even notice, but I am irked. My heart tells me that I need to pray about these things too, but instead, I beak off my annoyance.

Another one is grumbling on the inside. Whatever threatens my plans and comfort zone may not show a visible reaction, but I know when my focus turns inward to ‘poor me’ instead of looking up to God for help with the challenge. That is called ‘resentment’ and is not only deadly to my immune system, but totally useless otherwise.

A wise man once told my husband that our lives are like a water glass. When we keep short accounts with God, the glass is upright and the Holy Spirit can fill it with Himself. When we sin, the glass is tipped over. Gone is all the spiritual fruit He gave us and we are empty and impossible to fill. The man added that we need to accept the fact that we will go through life tipping over and turning upright, tipping over and turning upright. He said the best we could hope for is staying upright longer between those times of tipping.

It seems there is more to this illustration. Sometimes I may think I’m upright and even look like that to others, but there is a slow leak happening. My inner attitude is like those little foxes that spoil the vine as mentioned in Song of Solomon. These little habits are actually far bigger in the mind of God than they have been in my mind. He sees what they do to my relationship with Him and how they spoil what He wants to do in my life. Instead of tipped over or a slow leak, He wants the Spirit ‘poured out’ for others in my service for Him.

I’ve been thinking of this the last couple of days, and yet am amazed at the grace of God. He hates sin and wants me to be sorry and turn from it, and He wants me filled with His Spirit, but at the same time He reminds me of His graciousness. In Psalm 103:8-14, He says:

The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in mercy. He will not always strive with us, nor will He keep His anger forever. He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor punished us according to our iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.

God knows that apart from Him, I am dust tipped over. Without His grace and mercy, I would be lost. However, even though my needs are great, I can rely on Him to tip me up and fill me up because His compassion is enormous.