Poured out not the same as tipped over . . .

Lately I’ve been convicted about several bad habits. The word ‘habits’ is not an excuse. These are sinful things, but habits best describes them because they are seemingly automatic responses in certain situations that I’ve done often and for years without even thinking about them. But now God is saying ‘Enough.’

This makes me sad. I don’t know if I’m sad because I’m ashamed of myself or sad because change seems overwhelming. I know God forgives me. I know God changes me, but sometimes habits cling. These are living things that don’t want to die, and that makes me sad.

God’s part is forgiveness and cleansing. My part is spiritual discipline. When certain situations come up, and along with them those seemingly automatic responses, I have a choice and need to be aware of what is happening. Instead of habit, God asks me to consider Him and make different choices. He must rule my life instead of these foolish habits.

One of them is expressing criticism at perceived wrong. I don’t always do it; the serious stuff takes me to prayer. It is those little things, things that other people may not even notice, but I am irked. My heart tells me that I need to pray about these things too, but instead, I beak off my annoyance.

Another one is grumbling on the inside. Whatever threatens my plans and comfort zone may not show a visible reaction, but I know when my focus turns inward to ‘poor me’ instead of looking up to God for help with the challenge. That is called ‘resentment’ and is not only deadly to my immune system, but totally useless otherwise.

A wise man once told my husband that our lives are like a water glass. When we keep short accounts with God, the glass is upright and the Holy Spirit can fill it with Himself. When we sin, the glass is tipped over. Gone is all the spiritual fruit He gave us and we are empty and impossible to fill. The man added that we need to accept the fact that we will go through life tipping over and turning upright, tipping over and turning upright. He said the best we could hope for is staying upright longer between those times of tipping.

It seems there is more to this illustration. Sometimes I may think I’m upright and even look like that to others, but there is a slow leak happening. My inner attitude is like those little foxes that spoil the vine as mentioned in Song of Solomon. These little habits are actually far bigger in the mind of God than they have been in my mind. He sees what they do to my relationship with Him and how they spoil what He wants to do in my life. Instead of tipped over or a slow leak, He wants the Spirit ‘poured out’ for others in my service for Him.

I’ve been thinking of this the last couple of days, and yet am amazed at the grace of God. He hates sin and wants me to be sorry and turn from it, and He wants me filled with His Spirit, but at the same time He reminds me of His graciousness. In Psalm 103:8-14, He says:

The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in mercy. He will not always strive with us, nor will He keep His anger forever. He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor punished us according to our iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.

God knows that apart from Him, I am dust tipped over. Without His grace and mercy, I would be lost. However, even though my needs are great, I can rely on Him to tip me up and fill me up because His compassion is enormous.