Hope looks forward, not over its shoulder

And Peter remembered the saying of Jesus, “Before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times.” And he went out and wept bitterly. (Matthew 26:75)

And throwing down the pieces of silver into the temple, (Judas) departed, and he went and hanged himself. (Matthew 27:5).

Saul was ravaging the church, and entering house after house, he dragged off men and women and committed them to prison…. still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord, (Saul) went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues at Damascus, so that if he found any belonging to the Way, men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem. (Acts 8:3; Acts 9:1–2)

The two great preachers of the Gospel were destined to be Peter the denier of Christ and Paul the persecutor of Christ. Why didn’t Judas the betrayer of Christ make up a third?

All three of them had strong I-wants, which is a sinful focus that excludes faith. Everyone has been there, myself included, yet the faith of Jesus is greater than all our sin. Judas never took his sin to Jesus. He dealt with it himself in the only way he thought would work.

Yet the biggest difference between Judas and the other two is more about his inability to face the future. All three failed. All three had to look God in the eye and move on, but Judas could not. His failure consumed him because hope had eluded him.

Hope knows something is real even though you cannot see it. I wrote a class paper about hope using the smell of cinnamon buns as a descriptor. Every day I parked my car in the lot far from the college kitchen, yet as soon as I opened the door, I could smell them. Each breath brought greater anticipation. My mouth still waters at the memory. Hope is a delicious smell!

Even without experiencing the things hoped for, hope keeps the heart from total despair. Hope reflects God’s mercy, echoes His love. Hope gives me energy, strength to go on. Without it, sorrow for sin would cripple me. The hours move relentlessly and my energy is not what it used to be. Brooding over my past errors is a waste of time and effort, doing nothing for me or for the kingdom of God.

I have been tempted, have yielded and sinned. It is right to do what Peter did, weeping tears of repentance before God, but even more right to return to Christ and be sent to strengthen His lambs. Hope moves me to active love and devoted service. Hope safeguards me against remorse and its suicidal nudges.

Hope produces zeal. It puts the past beyond recall, behind me. Hope sees magnificent opportunities, makes me energetic, even courageous. Jesus’ voice whispers things like, “Let the dead bury their own dead”—dead opportunities, dead regrets, dead failures, yes, even dead sins—and “follow me” (see Matthew 8:22).

Judas had no hope. He looked at himself and what he had done instead of at Jesus, instead of waiting to see what Jesus would do. This sinful and hopeless man took matters into his own hands and never saw the astonishing good that God brought out of the evil that he had done. He forgot (if he ever knew) the grand redemptive program of God that began before the foundation of the world. Instead, Judas zeroed in on “poor me” and put himself outside of God’s plan and into the hands of Satan. Without faith and hope, he never knew what God could do or what he could have been.

Peter and Judas

If all are sinners and none deserve the mercy of God, what is the difference between the fate of Peter and the fate of Judas? Both betrayed Jesus.

Peter’s betrayal was to protect his own skin. He was afraid of being put to death too, so when asked if he knew Jesus, he denied it, not once but three times. After doing this, he felt great guilt and remorse.

And Peter remembered the saying of Jesus, “Before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times.” And he went out and wept bitterly. (Matthew 26:75)

Judas’ betrayal was about money. He’d shown himself to be a greedy man, so when the idea occurred to him, he approached the chief priests and asked what was it worth if he delivered Jesus to them. They paid him thirty pieces of silver.

Exodus 21:32 says if an ox gored a neighbor’s slave to death, the owner of the ox was obligated to pay the owner of the slave the price of thirty pieces of silver. Historically, this became a symbol of contempt. That is, it was a great putdown to pay someone thirty pieces of silver. A modern example might be in tipping a waiter in a restaurant a penny for poor service. It shows more contempt than no tip at all.

Judas took the money. By doing so, he was shown contempt too. After the deed was done and Jesus was delivered to Pilate, Judas tried to return the money to the chief priests. He confessed to them his sin in betraying an innocent man, but they told him they didn’t care.

And throwing down the pieces of silver into the temple, he departed, and he went and hanged himself. (Matthew 27:5)

Both men had been with Jesus, listened to Him preach, saw Him heal the sick and raise the dead. Even in their betrayals, they both displayed remorse over what they had done. Yet the same night was fatal for Judas and a turning point for Peter. What made the difference?

God pardons sin. Their guilt was great, but mercy is greater. Today’s devotional says that the forgiveness of God “does not nicely calculate less or more.” Yet there is a difference in the recipient. When I look at my own life and my own sin, I see nothing to suggest that God should pardon me. Vanity and pride might whisper that I deserve it, but I know better.

Like these men, it is good to grieve over my sin, but if I spend too much time looking at myself and my failures, I wind up in despondency, overwhelmed with sorrow and crushed by inadequacy. Being a Christian isn’t about me or my performance. It is about faith in Jesus Christ and hope in His incredible promise for my future, a hope that turns its eyes from the past and fixes them on the Cross.

As long as I look at myself, as Judas did, the more appealing self-destruction becomes. Satan, the liar and destroyer, would have me diverted from faith and hope, forgetting that there is no sin too great for God to pardon. He would have me go the route of Judas and hang myself, rather than go the route of Peter who wept bitterly then found his way back to Jesus.

Faith in God and hope for the future produce life-giving repentance. As long as I keep looking at myself and what I have done, pardon seems beyond reach. Instead, sin must be a stepping-stone, not a stumbling block that strangles my devotion and drains my zeal for God.

Looking at myself shows me how feeble, wavering, and ignorant I am. I see my failure and sin. I need to look at Jesus. The Bible says so, even commands it. My strength, forgiveness, comfort and renewal are in Christ, not in me, ever.

Peter knew this; Judas missed it. Also, Judas saw God as an avenging judge, but Peter knew the Lord as a loving Father and a forgiving Savior. For them, there was little difference in their sin and emotional reaction. What changed the outcome was their understanding of God and of why Jesus died.