This morning, I’m challenged by Oswald Chambers who writes about living by impulse. He says that Jesus never lived that way nor was He coldly intent on His plans without regard for any interruptions. (I’ve tried that; it doesn’t work.) Instead, Jesus had a calm strength that never got into a panic, no matter what popped up before Him.
For me, this describes the lessons of my years of a Christian. God has been trying to teach me not to heed my impulses nor live according to my temperament. He continually checks my blurting and distraction-motivated actions. His convictions produce self-consciousness and the realization that I have not been praying, or that I am not trusting Him. Far too often, I am motivated by whim or that natural part of me that is interested in everything and not able to easily focus on one thing. Chambers says this is “all right in a child, but it is disastrous in a man or woman” and that such behavior must be “trained into intuition by discipline.”
He is right. Impulse is not the same as that intuitive knowing that this is what God wants me to do and jumping to quickly do it. Intuition is related to faith and obedience. Impulse is more akin to selfish desires to be somebody or prove myself. It could be what Peter did when he saw Jesus walking on water . . .
And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” (Matthew 14:28–30)Chambers describes Peter getting out of the boat as an easy thing for “impulsive pluck.” Peter wanted to do something big and bold, and humanly speaking, most of us can rise to such a spectacular action. Peter only had to see the wind and waves to realize he was not sufficient for this task!
I understand this impulsive pluck. I’ve jumped into things without a thought whether or not Jesus wanted me to do it. I’ve also heard Him say, “Do this . . .” and did it without question. These actions may externally appear to be the same, but they are not. I know when it is me showing off and when Jesus grants grace to do something beyond my ability.
Chambers points out that most people, even non-Christians, can stand in a crisis. When it happens, adrenalin and human nature rise to the occasion. For me, this is what living on impulse is like. I get a grand idea and can carry it off without talking to God and without any thought of my need for grace. Perhaps He supplies it anyway, but this is not how He wants me to live.
Instead, and I know this is true, I need the supernatural grace of God to live twenty-four hours a day, every day, as His child, walking on water or walking on dry land. He will not ask for the extraordinary unless I am also able to rely on Him in ordinary, unobserved, even ignored activities of obedience. Pride and impulse calls me to do exceptional things for God, but He seldom asks exceptional actions. He just asks me to be exceptional in ordinary things, to be holy in ordinary life around ordinary people. This is not something I can learn in five minutes, nor check off my daily to-do list.
And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23)
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Lord, these are not new thoughts. You make it clear to me that being a godly person is a 24/7 calling, with or without an audience, and with or without clear directions. I have my to-do lists and You have taught me to do them as Your child, but also to consider interruptions as opportunities to be godly. The bigger challenge for me is ignoring the impulses to go out where You have not called me and instead live by the Spirit all the time. I cannot do this. I cannot can I chart my own path nor can I escape the way my brain is wired. You are my Savior. I’m depending on You to help me push aside those impulses to follow the distractions that fly through my head and listen only to what You are telling me to do.
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