To Live is Christ — making choices

We have a young Christian woman staying with us for a few months. She was telling me this week about the first time someone corrected her regarding anger. She had said that one person “made me mad” and another person told her that she could not blame anyone else; her anger was her choice and no one else was causing it.

“But that person did . . .  and if they had not done it, I would not be mad.”

That sounds familiar. All our lives we have heard people say, “You (or he or she) make me angry.” We’ve said it to our children, our spouse, and even ourselves. By doing this, we give other people and outside actions control over how we respond to life. When I say it that way, then I see my anger in a different light.

Just as I have a choice to be patient in traffic (those other drivers are not out there trying to make me impatient – they don’t know I exist), I have a choice in how I respond to the actions of others. God knows that I might respond in anger, an anger that seems to be spontaneous and without choice. For that reason, He says,

“Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. (Ephesians 4:26–27)

However, the more I think about anger and about this verse, the more I am convicted that at the root of my “spontaneous” anger is a selfishness that far too often governs my choices. I’m also thinking how I need to deal with this root when it comes to the little annoyances. If I can identify my selfish issues, it is easier to calmly choose patience. It is also easier to think about the needs of others. If I can do that with the minor stuff, it should be easier with the larger issues.

Example. I’m rushing to finish my chores before supper and my hubby calls from work and asks me to bring something upstairs that he would normally get himself while I am setting the dinner table. It is a 60-second job, but selfishness sees it as annoying. On the other hand, if I am obedient to the Holy Spirit, I can see this as an opportunity for a kindness. His knee might be sore and he doesn’t want to do the stairs or he just called for any excuse because he is having a bad day. Annoyance is a mild anger and it is also a choice.

What about the big things? Recently a person I thought was a friend accused me of several things that were not true. I’d shared the gospel with her as lovingly as I could, but she lashed at me personally in a defensive and angry response. I felt wounded and betrayed. This was not fair. I could go the selfish route and strike the same posture, defending myself too, and retaliating with barbed words. Anger was there, threatening to boil over.

After lots of prayer and admitting my attitude to God, He told me what to do: “Be still, and know that I am God,” a familiar phrase from the Psalms. I sensed that He would vindicate me if that was needed, but more important, He would work in this person’s heart. I didn’t need to say or do anything because this was His department of expertise. Instead of responding, I have been praying for her almost every day.

Thinking about anger during my quiet time is making me think about anger during ordinary life. God does give me a choice. I can choose to be patient, yet if I, without thinking, make the choice to blow up, He still offers me another choice — I can humble myself and deal with the anger before the sun goes down.