Too much like a duck

Yesterday’s spiritual uncertainties were unsettling enough, but then a family matter came up that shook me even more. Feeling crushed, I was glad for the mindless chores of cleaning and laundry so I could talk to God about both.

Silence.

Reading through the Bible this year has me in Job. The faith of this man was severely tested. Even though he’d done nothing to cause his problems, he lost almost everything he had, including health. However, even in his confusion and uncertainty, he could say of God, “He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold” (Job 23:10).

Then my devotional reading took me to Jonah. Unlike Job, Jonah was tossed into a bad situation because he had rebelled against God and God wanted to get his attention. Yet this was also a test; would he continue to rebel from the belly of the fish? Or would his faith come through?

Jonah may have been the most reluctant prophet in history, but inside that fish he said, “Then I said, ‘I have been cast out of Your sight; yet I will look again toward Your holy temple. . . . When my soul fainted within me, I remembered the Lord; and my prayer went up to You, into Your holy temple” (Jonah 2:4,7).

I take my instruction from these two men. I’m not aware if I’ve done anything specifically wrong (even Job was not perfect), but God seems to be testing my faith. Will I trust Him with the unknowns and clouds across my path? Will I trust Him to take care of matters where I’ve very little, if any, influence?

It seems easy some days to say “Of course I will trust God. Why would I do otherwise?” Yet those are usually the easy days, the times of life when trusting God seems so uncomplicated. It is when I am extremely uncomfortable or distressed that I tend to think something like Job. This man thought that God had abandoned him, that He was not listening and had no reason for allowing his afflictions. Of course he had his moments, like verse 10 from chapter 23 and other places where his faith flashed brightly amidst his despair.

I’m like that too. Sometimes I wonder if it is possible to be perfectly even, to always trust the Lord without any questions or a ripple. Jesus did, and He lives in me, but then there is me. I have to contend with my fleshy nature that automatically flies into a flap when life throws curves.

I remember a cartoon about a woman who appeared calm all the time. The punch line compared her to a duck swimming across a pond. To the observer, the duck is easily floating as she goes, but underneath her feet are paddling like crazy!

If I must have both these things going on, I’d rather it be the opposite. On the surface, I might be just sitting still or I might be moving about and doing a lot of things, even paddling like crazy, but underneath I want to be at peace, deeply trusting God and totally calm.