The hardest lessons . . .

Last night something woke me. It was silence. We have an air filter in our bedroom that battles allergens with ultraviolet light. It makes a hum and it wasn’t humming. When I couldn’t turn it back on, I thought it had burned out. This morning, after fixing several flashing clocks, I realized that the power had been off, a rare occurrence in our part of the city.

This morning I started thinking about all the things I depend on. My car to get me places, the lights to turn on at the flick of a switch, clean water from the taps, even the sunshine and the seasons. After reading the newspaper, I’m reminded that not everyone in the world can depend on even these simple things. For some, the stability of the ground under their feet is iffy, air quality is dangerous, and severe weather is killing them.

Psalm 62:5 talks about what I ought to depend on. It says, “My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him.”

Is it? And if I really think that it is, is my soul silent? Or am I hoping that this person will come through for me, and that person will meet my needs? And if I am waiting on God, how much noise do I make about the fact that what I hope for is not happening yet? Do I grumble when I should be thanking God that He hears and answers prayer? I may not see answers to my prayers, but if my expectation is in Him, why be anxious and complain? Isn’t God dependable?

Today’s devotional reading contrasts my needy condition and the dependability of God who meets all my needs. It says that God will bring me into a great sense of my own poverty, inability and destitution before He communicates the greatest of His blessings. The author says that my soul cannot be truly satisfied until I experience and enjoy the union of my helplessness and His almighty strength. It is in feeling the greatest need that I will experience the greatest blessing.

This is why the Apostle Paul could say he took pleasure in being needy. He had learned this lesson that, for me, seems so hard to learn. In his case, he’d experienced more “highs” with God than any believer, yet he also had serious troubles. In 2 Corinthians 17:7-10, he says:

And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

The lesson is spelled out by Psalm 62:5 also. Both Paul and the psalmist could say that they waited for God alone because their “expectation is from Him.”

I’m not sure a great blessing awaits me, but I do know a sense of inability and weakness that seems to increase. I’ve not yet learned to take pleasure in it, which is what God wants me to do, nor have I learned to be silent while I’m waiting for this hard lesson to take hold.