I need reminding . . .

Yesterday was emotionally difficult. As the Lord has instructed me, I’m clearing out most of the art supplies in my studio. I’ve not used them for a long time and after our trip to Canmore, realized that this part of my life is over.

However, I struggle with it because it feels like I’m giving myself away. I know that artists identify themselves with their work, but I never realized that we also identify ourselves with all of our equipment. The books were not the worst; I can be creative without art books. The paper and canvases were fairly easy to load into a giveaway box; I can be creative without them too. I have a stash of inspirational material, mostly photos and pictures, and kept some of them to go through later. I cannot be creative without inspiration.

But the paints . . . they were a surprise. They are in that giveaway box, but I feel like my heart is in there with them. The box sits just outside my studio door and I feel like the child screaming as she clings to her mother’s leg.

This morning I asked God to reaffirm that this is really what He wants me to do and He sent me to Psalm 103. As I read it, I wondered how this could be the answer to my question, but it is.

Verses 2-5 says, “Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits: Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases, Who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies, Who satisfies your mouth with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.”

My first thought was last year’s ladies Bible class in which we studied the difference Christ makes in our lives. These are incredible and obvious things so the question might be asked: Why do you have to study this topic? The answer is found in verse two. Even though this list of benefits is incomplete, the reason we need to study them is because we forget!

How often have I sinned, berated myself, felt cut off from God, worried that He would punish me for it, and forgot that I am already forgiven! Christ secured my pardon on the cross over two-thousand years ago.

How often have I had some ache or pain or germ take after me and forgot to consider all that the Bible says about the purpose of sickness? It is far too easy to get in a panic and rush off to the doctor in great anxiety. God is the healer, and if I am to be healed (some sickness is unto death), He will heal me, but I forget.

Disasters happen too, and sometimes I fear for my life or the lives of my family when I should be trusting God and looking for His help and purpose in the disaster. I forget that He can use anything, even destruction, in a redemptive way.

The psalmist affirms that God puts lovingkindness and tender mercy on me like a crown. These are regal terms. I reign in life and in death because of God’s grace. Do I always remember that? No. I need to read it over and over.

The psalmist also affirms that God satisfies my mouth with good things so my youth is renewed like an eagle. Does he mean only food? Psalm 92:14 says that “The righteous. . . . shall flourish in the courts of our God. They shall still bear fruit in old age; they shall be fresh and flourishing.” Isaiah 40:31 says, “Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.”

God wants me to be like an eagle. Not only do they live a long time, but one of the reasons for their longevity might be that they make use of updrafts to reach great heights. For me, aside from normal aging, the energy of the Lord is a promise to those who trust Him. I’ve seen it in others and know it myself. When people ask how I get so much done, I know it is because God is lifting me. Why flap when I can soar?

After reading this, I realize that no matter what I do with that pile of paint and all the related art materials, my life and well-being depend on my Maker, not on me making pictures. Whether I paint or not, or do anything else or not, the blessings of life are from the Lord, not from the doing of things. Not only that, my identity is not in tubes of paint or even years of applying that paint to a surface. My identity is in Jesus Christ.

Sorry, Lord. I forgot.