Self-worth means being loved

To be emotionally healthy, a person needs a positive sense of self-worth. Most research says that for this to happen, people need to know that they are loved, accepted and capable. With those things in place, their feelings about themselves have a strong foundation.

After years of studying and teaching this topic, my conclusions are that the best love is an unconditional one, and the best acceptance is not based on my attributes or performance but the attitude of others. Also, the best sense of being capable comes from knowing that reliable help is always available.

My mother used to say that no matter what, a child’s parents always love them. This was before some of the horrors in our daily news where children are married off to old men and fathers lock their daughters in the basement. Even though Mom loved us and wanted her saying to be true, some parents fail miserably in the love department. I’m sure my mother based her opinion on her own love for her children, yet even a mother’s love is seldom unconditional. Besides that, true unconditional love is not restricted to “my children” only.

The only love I know that is fully unconditional and totally inclusive is the love of God. The reason for this is that His love is not about who I am; it is about who He is. God is love. It is His very nature to love, and His love is pure and without restriction.

Yet even as a Christian, at times I’ve felt unlovable and unloved. During one very dark period of my life, I discovered Jeremiah 31:3, “The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying: ‘Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.’”

“Everlasting love” needs no explanation. I memorized this verse. Whenever it seems that no one cares or that I’ve been particularly undeserving and ashamed of myself, I remember that God loves me. He proved it too. Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

God loved me even when I totally rebelled against Him. That kind of love fulfills that need in my life. It isn’t that other loves have no importance, but human love inevitably lets me down. God’s love never does. My devotional reading says it like this:

We can, therefore, assign no beginning to the love of Christ, for it existed when He existed, which was from eternity. Neither can we put any end to that love, for it can only end with Himself; and as He had not beginning, so He has no ending. His love then is as Himself, which as it knew no beginning, shall know no end. O what a mercy it is for those who have any gracious, experimental knowledge of the love of Christ, to believe it is from everlasting to everlasting; that no incidents of time, no storms of sin or Satan, can ever change or alter that eternal love, but that it remains now and will remain the same to all eternity!

Does that make a difference in daily life? It sure does. So many people spend a great deal of energy and time trying to be loved, doing things that they hope will make people love them, or worrying about whether or not others even care. Knowing that Almighty God loves me sets me free from all that angst and anxiety.

Philippians 2:4 says, “Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” Without Jesus, I’d always be looking out for myself, but because He meets my needs, including my need to be loved, I am set free to obey this verse and care about others.

I’m tired today though. Yesterday was a high day with answers to prayer and excited emotions. On top of that, the phone rang many times with people and their requests. Loving and helping others takes a swack of time and energy too. I’m just glad that this verse says “look out not only for his own interests, but also...” which indicates to me that occasionally I’m allowed to turn off the phone and have a nap!