Forgive like God Forgives

08/28/07
Forgiveness is a confusing issue. At one time I thought it meant not being upset with the person who wronged me, or that I should just dismiss what they did and forget it happened. I also worried that if I forgave, they would just do it again. Since I can’t do the first two or control the third one, I wondered how forgiveness was possible.

The Bible is my instructor. It says in Ephesians 4:31-32, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”

First, forgiveness means giving up hostility and the desire to get even. I’m not to lash back and do the same thing to whoever hurt me. I’m not to be bitter, filled with rage or anger, make a big hoop-de-do about it, or even speak against that person in a malicious way. No retaliation of any kind.

Romans 12:17-21 clarifies non-retaliation even further: “Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord. Therefore ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

Getting even is not an option. This passage offers the alternative: do good to that other person. When my children were small, I discovered if they were upset with their father and I had them shine his shoes or do something nice for him, their bad attitude vanished. God knows that by doing good to someone who has hurt us, our heart becomes more tender toward them. Initially I never feel like offering goodness. It has to be an act of the will, not motivated by my emotions.

Second, forgiveness means thinking how God forgave me. There are so many aspects to this that I hardly know where to start, but Psalm 32:1-2 is a good place. It says, “Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man to whom the LORD does not impute iniquity.”

In that verse, “impute” means “charge his account with.” In other words, God does not write my sin in His ledger. He never denies that I sin, nor considers it unimportant, or wipes it from His memory, but He does not hold it against me.

He asks me to forgive others the same way. Yes, that person hurt me, and yes, their actions were wrong and painful, and yes, I cannot forget what he or she did, but whenever it comes to mind, I can choose not to hold what they did against them.

Another aspect of how God forgave me is that He put the all the sins that I committed on His Son. Jesus bore the shame and punishment of my folly. When someone sins against me, I need to remember that He did the same with their sin. Jesus has already taken that unkind word or bad deed on Himself. The punishment that person deserves was already given to Jesus, so how can I add to His pain by retaliation or being angry and resentful? Those sinful reactions are also on Jesus and become part of His pain on the cross in bearing all the sins of humanity. When I am unforgiving, I need to ask myself how much do I love Jesus?

Sometimes people think forgiveness means just looking the other way, dropping it as if it never happened, being nice in spite of it. While God put my sin on Christ and doesn’t hold it against me, He never treats sin lightly. In His great mercy and power, He also works in my life to cleanse me from sin. This is more than wiping my slate clean; it is also wiping my heart clean.

If I sin by lying, He works in me to be a truth teller. If I sin in anger, He teaches me how to properly deal with my anger and to not let the sun go down without clearing it from my heart. If I should rob someone of what does not belong to me, He teaches me to work with my hands so I can meet my own needs, and even more, give to others who are needy. If I speak with corrupt, foul, or even useless words, He works in me so my words are good, pure, gracious and positive in the ears of others, building them up by what I say.

Sin is very serious to God, so serious that He will purge me of my sinful responses before He does anything to those who sin against me. Throughout Scripture, God affirms that He will take care of those who hurt me; it is not my job. But should I try to usurp His role, I become the first in line for rebuke and correction.

Yet sometimes I am supposed to confront sinners. Galatians 6:1 says, “Brethren, if a man is overtaken in a trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.” However, this is not retaliation, but acting toward sin the same way God does. He confronts me when I do wrong, but not to punish or get even; His goal is restoration. When He asks me to do this, I need to be very careful that there is no sinful motive or attitude in my actions, and that I am gentle. Otherwise I will need someone to confront me, or He will do it Himself.

As I reread what I am writing, I realize how impossible godly forgiveness sounds, yet I know it is possible. The Lord Jesus Christ lives in the hearts of His people and through His loving power, I can forgive others like He forgave me. This is not just for my sake (even though it makes me feel much better) and not just for their sake (even though they need forgiveness), but in a world filled with conflict and sin, Christian forgiveness reflects and glorifies God.