Discerning hearts. . . .

God amazes me. I’ve read this verse at least a dozen times without much thought, but yesterday could not get it out of my mind:

Do you think that you can reprove words, when the speech of a despairing man is wind? (Job 6:26)

Today’s thoughts from Piper’s book are so important. He says, “How quickly we are given to defending God—or sometimes the truth—from words that are for the wind alone. There are enough words, premeditated and studied, that need our rebuttal, but not every despairing  heresy blurted out in the hour of agony needs to be answered. If we had discernment, we could tell the difference between the words with roots and the words blowing in the wind.”

He goes on to explain that some words have deep-rooted error and deep evil, but not all words get their color from a black heart. Some are colored mainly by pain and despair that happens when the trials of life overshadow the grace we know and believe. This means that what I hear (or even say myself) is not from the deepest truth that is known and believed. As Piper says, these words are “real but temporary like a passing infection, but not the true heart of those who know God.”

These thoughts prompted by Job’s words tell me the importance of discernment. If another Christian speaks against me, or God, or the truth, I need to discern if they are “from the soul or from the sore.” If they are words for the wind, then a reproof is even more hurtful. I should wait in silence and if God’s Spirit requires a response, it will be to restore the soul, not throw salt in the wound. This is the way of speaking truth in love…

…to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. (Ephesians 4:12–16)

The goal is not to be ‘correct’ but to build up the faith of any who are tossed about by deceitful words or ideas that put them in panic mode.

PRAY: This reminds why the Word of God often calls His people sheep. These animals are easily frightened and need the calm voice of their shepherd to settle them. I may panic if events appear to be Satan winning when I know very well that he has already been defeated. No wonder You sent the Spirit to remind Your people of all that You promised and have secured for us — we so easily forget what we are in capable hands and that You use all things, including trials and the occasional rebuke to graciously transform us into Your image.

Speaking truth in love

 

 

READ Proverbs 25-28

While childhood experiences are not excuses for adult behavior, they can be explanations. I missed most of elementary public school up to grade seven. Children of that age learn social skills from experiences like saying the wrong thing and being laughed at or doing the right thing and making a new friend. Missing all that has made me wonder how I can be so happy in solitude, or if I’m autistic in not knowing how to talk to others, and so on.

However, this ‘blank slate’ sensation has a plus side — when I became a Christian I also became more open to learning social skills from God rather than avoiding people or learning the hard way of trial and error. Even though Proverbs and the rest of Scripture teach that God’s way is not like human ways, which is another plus, even if it leads to some challenges.

A few verses in today’s reading go against the common way of doing things. For instance, if someone is sad, the usual method to cheer them is by saying positive things, but this bit of wisdom says, “Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda.” (Proverbs 25:20)

A person told me that his ill spouse becomes easily depressed. He is very positive about everything with a view to a better future and tries to cheer her with those thoughts. But she isn’t helped by that, even gets angry at him and tells him to stop. I’ve learned from our conversations that depressed people can be frustrated by “be happy” because they are craving understanding and sympathy, not a solution. Telling them to be happy comes across as ‘your sadness bothers me so stop it’ and thus sounds selfish on their part.

My study in Job shows another side to this also. Job needed his friends to put their arms around him and be with him in his suffering, not try to explain it or ‘fix’ it with reasonings about its cause and what Job should be doing and thinking. Jesus did not insist that we sinners should smarten up. Instead, He took our place and bore our sorrows.

I’m no expert at compassion and sympathy. It does not come naturally to listen rather than my tendencies to offer solutions, but this verse does help me to listen and commiserate rather than trying to cheer up someone who is suffering.

Another verse that goes against popular thinking says, “A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin.” (Proverbs 26:28) Saying what is not true and flattery are both used to get on the good side of another person or sometimes to ‘help’ them when they are discouraged or feeling like a failure. But God says that words that build up need to be true words — and it may take time and thoughtfulness to find out the root issues and deal with them in a wise way.

Saying things like, “Oh, never mind how your boss treats you, you are a good worker” to someone who has been slacking off is not helpful. Truth may hurt, but kindness is never a lie or flattery. Two other verses show how God’s way is different and opposite to what many do in cases like this:

Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. (Proverbs 27:5–6)

Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue. (Proverbs 28:23)

Yes, truth can feel like someone is wounding me, but if my sadness or struggles are caused by an attitude or behavior in my own life, telling me I’m okay is a lie and not helpful at all.

Jesus said to the Jews who believed in Him: “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

They answered him, “We are offspring of Abraham and have never been enslaved to anyone. How is it that you say, ‘You will become free’?”

Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin. The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son remains forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” (John 8:31–36)

As a child of God, I’d rather hear truth that hurts and be set free than be governed by bad habits or wrong doing. And I ought to have that same desire for others to the point that my words reflect what God says rather than be conformed to the way the world operates. The challenge is always to speak those words in love that edifies — not with any attitude that puts anyone into a deeper pit.