He will clean out the crud

It is Tuesday. We are in Flagstaff, Arizona. Last night we phoned eleven hotels before we found one with a room left, their last room. We are in a suite so picked up a can of soup at a convenience store and heated it for a late supper. There is no dishcloth, no towel racks, and we have either heat, air conditioning, or off. The table is too high and the chairs are too low.

Both of us were tired and I was irritated. We drove too far yesterday. We plan to stay here two days but it is supposed to blizzard so it might be wise to get out of the mountains and into the desert. Still, our suite is brand new and this location is beautiful.

I tried to be thankful and not crabby. Trusting God for a safe journey worked out. Trusting that we would find a place to sleep worked out. After answered prayer for these and other things, I asked my hubby how he liked being married to God’s spoiled brat! But the trouble with grace and blessings, is that when the Lord isn’t pampering me, I find out how easily I take Him for granted.

So now I read this: “Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure.” (1 John 3:2–3)

This is a rebuke of sorts, and a blessed promise. One day I will see Jesus and be like Him. That is an incredible expectation and fills me with joy. He will do it and I will forever be with Him. But, right now I am not like Him – did He get crabby and irritated with such minor things? I’m certain He did not. Did He take the Father’s care for granted? I’m certain He didn’t do that either.

So here I sit like a pouting brat who should be spanked. I don’t think He will do that either, but He does expect something of me -- because I hope in Him, I am to purify myself as He is pure. That means getting rid of, or at least saying no to, the grumpiness and irritation when things are not as comfortable as I want them to be. I am thankful for this place, for the stalwart man I’m married to, and for so much more. There really isn’t anything to grouse about, except that I’m still such a child – when I should be more mature.

A bit after the above verses, I read this and again am both rebuked and blessed: “No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God’s seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God.” (1 John 3:9)

God put His Son Jesus Christ into my life; He abides in me! Because that is true, then I cannot continue forever being a self-centered brat. The new life of God eventually will crowd out the old life of me. How exciting! I look forward to the day when sin is gone and I no longer act so childish.

The rebuke is simple . . .  why is it taking me so long to stop pushing against the inevitable and just cooperate?

Will I ever grow up…?

One definition of maturity is measuring how far I have come from “I want what I want when I want it.” This definition can also describe a lack of self-control.

And Esau said to Jacob, “Let me eat some of that red stew, for I am exhausted!” …. Jacob said, “Sell me your birthright now.” Esau said, “I am about to die; of what use is a birthright to me?” Jacob said, “Swear to me now.” So he swore to him and sold his birthright to Jacob. Then Jacob gave Esau bread and lentil stew, and he ate and drank and rose and went his way. Thus Esau despised his birthright. (Genesis 25:30–34)

Esau was so hungry that he thought he would “die” without something to eat. His birthright was a major part of Hebrew life, but at that moment, it did not seem as important as a full stomach. His appetite ruled his world and he was swept away by the desires of the moment, not too much different from a hungry animal.

Esau wasn’t all bad and Jacob wasn’t any better. He tricked his brother more than once to get what he wanted for himself. His selfishness and conniving schemes may not have been as base, but Jacob was just as immature by giving no thought to others and being bent on serving himself.

I could point fingers and condemn both of them. However, Esau’s lack of self-control is no uncommon battle. What about that chocolate cake? What about those shoes that I didn’t need? What about those hasty words that were not kept behind sealed lips? What about those thoughts that no one else can see but so easily go out of control?

Self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. While the natural man might have some of it, mere human self-control is a rationalization with self-betterment in mind, and still selfish. The self-control from God’s Spirit is about loving others more than me — and it comes with other qualities that prove it…

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another. (Galatians 5:22–26)

The mature Christian loves others with that self-sacrificing love Christ demonstrated in His death on the cross. The mature Christian is joyful, at peace, patient even when not getting what is wanted. If I am filled with the Spirit and behaving in a mature way, I will be kind, good, faithful, and gentle. I will also have a measure of self-control that enables me to put to death my fleshy desires (too much cake, shoes and so on) and walk according to the Spirit of God.

These verses describe Esau’s lack, but also expose Jacob’s behavior. He thought he should have more than he did (conceit and envy) so he pushed Esau to get it (provoking him). Both of them were walking in the flesh, and seemed to know very little about keeping in step with the Spirit.

I have no sympathy for these feuding brothers, but I cannot look down on them as if I am better at walking with God myself. The people in the Bible are real people with sinful attitudes and problems because of their self-centeredness. So am I. This is why grace and mercy are so important. Without God’s grace and without the selfless love of Jesus Christ, where is our hope? Can anyone grow up and be mature?

As the author of today’s devotional says, true self-control means willingness to resign the small for the sake of the great, the present for the future, the material for the spiritual. This is possible only by faith, and a faith that looks beyond right now. God didn’t promise me a rose garden here, but later. Only in eternity will I never have to struggle with, “I want what I want when I want it.”

Esau didn’t consider that he was losing the great by grasping at the small. When he felt a genuine and even legitimate need, the birthright appeared insignificant and far off in the distance. He had no self-restraint to keep him from surrendering to present gratification. His impulsive passion had no use for a far-off reward, so temptation could easily allure his eye, whisper in his ear, pull on his arm and offer satisfaction right now, making his birthright a poor thing compared to the stew.

The insistent “I wants” of life tend to distort my vision too. Temptation produces an exaggeration of the present need and makes those small I-wants look like the most important thing, and my immaturity and lack of Holy Spirit power will discredit the value of what giving in to temptation will lose.

Christian maturity

Much earlier in my Christian life I’d read several books by well-known Christian authors. In my mind, they were giants of the faith and I was excited when given the opportunity to go to a woman’s conference near Chicago and meet some of them. I learned far more about spirituality that weekend than I expected.

One of those writers arrived on the front steps of the lecture hall the same time I did. I don’t know what I expected, but was surprised at her ordinary appearance. She could easily have been the mother next door, hair uncombed, stirring cookie batter, wearing an apron and talking about petunias.

The plenary speaker told of locking herself in the bathroom the night before and sleeping on the cold tiles in her nightgown until she realized the door opened the other way. Another speaker told of being followed in a store by someone she thought was a shy fan, until the other woman told her she had her skirt on inside-out.

God used that weekend to show me that I should never put the saints of God on a pedestal. The are like me, and I know that I don’t belong up there either. Elevating others in this way demonstrates that I am living according to the flesh, which is my old sin nature and opposed to true spirituality.

But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready, for you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way? For when one says, “I follow Paul,” and another, “I follow Apollos,” are you not being merely human? (1 Corinthians 3:1–4)

In these verses, only two fleshy attitudes are identified. Both are things that small children do, so Paul calls these activities of infants in Christ. The first is jealousy. Every time I see what others have and want it for myself, I am behaving in a childish human way. The Spirit of Christ is not like this. Romans 12:15 says I should, “Rejoice with those who rejoice,” not want whatever they have that makes them happy.

This might be about material things, but it can also be spiritual achievements. I could be jealous of someone’s ministry, a writer’s success at selling books, a teacher’s ability to get a point across. I could want the spiritual gifts others have or the places of honor they have been given. All this is fleshy, infant behavior.

The second fleshy attitude is strife. The people at Corinth were fighting over who had the best leader. I’ve heard similar strife over who listens to the best preacher, or who attends the best or biggest church. Strife can also cover almost every area of life. Babes and little children will fight over anything, from whose dad is the strongest to who has the best toys, to who has the best method for getting cookies out of the cookie jar.

Both jealousy and strife come out of people who are trying to be the best and defend their position. Christianity is not about this. Those who are mature in their faith know where they stand with God. They are content with His care and trust His wisdom in what He has chosen for their lives. They don’t need to enter the pecking order or try to be what they are not. They don’t fight over trivia or anything else that will divide them.

Whether I put others on a pedestal or try to climb up there myself, I am acting like a child, a human yes, but spiritual no. If I am motivated by jealousy or insecurity over who I am, then I don’t know nor am I living by the realities of who I am in Jesus Christ.

Since that experience at the women’s conference, I have met many famous writers and preachers. Seeing them as fellow members of the Body of Christ makes a huge difference in the encounter. Instead of putting them in the awkward position of what to do with idol-expectations, they can talk to me as a spiritual person, recognizing that I am interested in them. When I have no envy and am not using them to feed my ego or prove my own worth by being in their company, not only am I set free from fleshy behavior, but so are they.

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Father, this is an important and ongoing lesson. I still run into people who are smarter, or more spiritual, or in some way outstanding, and I am tempted by fleshy responses. I want to prove myself, or brag that I know them, or do some silly thing that is not of Your Spirit but from my immaturity. Thank You for the lessons of the past and for Your present and future care to help me grow up and more consistently have the right attitude.

To Live is Christ — pressing on to maturity

Among other things, Olympic athletes have tremendous focus and self-control. They do it because winning a medal depends on those things as much as it does on physical strength and well-developed skill.

I’ve been thinking about the importance of focus and self-control, partly because of the Olympics and partly because of these verses I’ve been reading. 

For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age. (Titus 2:11–12)

God offers His grace that I might deny anything that pulls me away from obedience. The Ten Commandments lists sins like idolatry, murder, stealing and covetousness, but there are other sins more subtle.

Last night I was alternating between a magazine about quilting, a show on television, and the latest writers’ newsletter. I’d spent part of the day on a quilting project that I wanted to finish more than I wanted to make perfect, but was not happy about my workmanship. I was also thinking about how many interests that I’ve had but not fully developed. Easily distracted could be my excuse but I wondered if it was just plain lazy, that I didn’t want to make the effort to do one thing well. Dabbling in dozens and “good enough” was easier.

I often jest that I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but time is running out. That thought was making my heart heavy. Should I be focusing on one thing, like Paul who said, “This one thing I do  . . . ”? Or has God had me bounce around these many interests and occupations for a reason?

I prayed about it. One verse that I read this morning said, “ . . . the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Wherever struck me. Perhaps the choices are not so important as just making one. Whatever and wherever it is, God will be with me in it as long as it does not involve ungodliness or yielding to worldly passions.

Lurking in my mind was one of those worldly passions. It was the notion that if I do one thing (or many things) I must excel, do it well, be the best I can be. Yet I know that in God’s realm, sometimes He just wants it done. He supplies the skill to make it successful according to His way of measuring things, not mine. 

I also wondered if perhaps God gave me multi-interests and abilities that He might use them as arenas to teach me self-control and godly behavior. My Christian life isn’t about whether I write, or paint, or make quilts, or teach, or any other thing that interests me, but how I live, and why, and who gets the glory.

The questions I must ask myself come easily to mind. The first one: Will God be glorified in this? A sub-question: When I want something done well, is it because excellence reflects on Him, or is this about me?

Another question is this one: Can I happily go from moment to moment doing what God puts on my heart and not be concerned about career, life-statement, or anything that makes me feel satisfied or proud of myself?

The answer to such perplexity is found in the person of Jesus Christ. Did He concern Himself about such things? Of course not. He came to do the will of God, not His own. Even at the point of death, He said, “Not my will but Thine be done” (Luke 22:42). All Jesus cared about was obedience and bringing glory to God.

As I write these things, I can see that the root of my questioning is envy. The accomplishments of others (in the magazine, the newsletter, television) stirred up the green-eyed monster, which must vanish upon confession. This is ungodly and a worldly passion that has no place in the life of an obedient Christian.

My chief goal in life is spelled out in the Bible. The goal that God has for me is to transform me into the image of His Son. It also might be His will that I win medals or top the charts, but only if it is part of that transformation process. (Incidentally, He can use ALL things to do it, see Romans 8:28-29.)

The other reality about Jesus is that He listened to His Father. He didn’t start the day with a to-do list but on His knees. He was kept busy, was never bored, and never cared one whit about what He wanted to be because He is as grownup as a person can get.

Perfection and Growth

One of my children often expressed “I wish I was grown up.” He had ambitions limited by his age and size and thought that being an adult would fix everything. While I understood his desire for perfection, I knew maturity does not happen by wishing.

Growing takes time. Besides, why not be happy with each stage of growth? A new mother can say, “My baby is perfect” and this claim is not based on the child’s maturity. Besides, most mothers are not eager to see their children be instant adults. Rather, we want them to be all they can be at their current age and stage of life.

I need to remember that every time I think about verses like Matthew 5:48, “Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.”

Whatever God is doing, that work is “perfect” in whatever stage it is in. A baby is one example. So is a petunia or a rose. As the first shoot comes out of the ground, it is perfect. That shoot grows and gains height and strength, and is still perfect. It produces a bud, then flowers and is also perfect. At each stage of growth, any plant is where it ought to be. We might say that the plant is perfect when each leaf and flower has reached maturity, but in the mind of God, and any good botanist, perfection is just that—being what it should be right now.

When I was a new Christian, I knew I had much growing to do. I was self-focused, impatient, and in a hurry. I didn’t like James 1:2-4. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Maturity and patience have a price tag, and for me the “trials of many kinds” were not worth the results of being “mature and complete” but “lacking anything” was my idea of being imperfect, and in my self-focus, I wanted to be the perfect Christian. It seemed a terrible dilemma until I realized I was not in control of my growth or the trials that I faced.

Today’s reading from God is Enough says the obvious, “The maturity of a Christian experience cannot be reached in a moment, but is the result of the work of God’s Holy Spirit, who, by His energizing and transforming power, causes us to grow up into Christ in all things.”

This author also uses the baby illustration, that a baby may be all that a baby can be and therefore perfectly please its mother, yet it is very far from being what that mother hopes for in that child’s complete maturity. She adds that “God’s works are perfect in every stage of their growth.”

This helps me with my own impatience. Instead of being anxious that the bud of perseverance is not exactly in full bloom, I can be happy that there is at least a bud, and even if this was absent, my growth still is exactly where God wants it.

I know that seeds grow better if I don’t dig them up to see if they are growing. Why can’t I get through my head that a constant self-examination to see how I am doing is just as counterproductive? God produces the growth. He does it through His Word (so I need to keep reading) and through exercising my faith (keep obeying) and through the experiences of life. I’m to simply take each as it comes, paying attention to what He is saying about it, and let Him do the work of making me grow up.

In the meantime, or at least during the process, I can raise my leaves up to the Son and enjoy His rays and His rain, knowing that He is satisfied. As long as I am trusting Him, loving Him, obeying Him, then I’m okay right where I am.

Growing Up

Today’s reading in God is Enough ends with, “There are a great many Christians who look at the Christian life as I, in my childish ignorance, looked at adult life; they think religion means to give up the things they love and to do the things they hate. They call this “taking up the cross” and actually think God enjoys their grudging service.”

Along with this author, this has not been my experience either, even though God’s commands sometimes bring a big sigh from my heart. This relationship with Him is the same as falling in love. How could I hate doing things for someone that I love deeply and totally? No matter what my beloved asks of me, I might sigh at times, but if I truly love Him I will be eager and quick to do His bidding.

I’ve found it interesting that Jesus’ first miracle was turning water into wine at a wedding. While some struggle with the wine drinking thing and focus on trying to make that wine fit with their no drinking practice, I see this as Jesus announcing an important truth. He is showing me that with Him in my life I can expect joy and celebration, certainly not a life of drudging or grudging service.

In Psalm 40:8, David says, “I delight to do Your will, O my God, and Your law is within my heart.” If the law of God in his heart gave David a desire, even a delight to do God’s will, how much more should having Jesus Christ in my heart make me love serving God, not hate it or think it was hard and not much fun?

While delighting to do His will is a reality, not everything God asks is easy. I suppose my best illustration is quilt making. Some involve simple patterns that are easy to construct and easy to apply finishing touches. Others are a huge challenge and have taken me years to complete. Yet regardless of the difficulty level or length of time required, I’ve enjoyed each one. I love making quilts. Serving God is supposed to be like that, not drudgery.

The analogy in the reading is interesting too. As a child, I did think I would never cease enjoying my play. However, growing up brought change. I can still play, but I do things that I would never be interested in or capable of as a child. When I became a Christian, I knew that my life had changed, yet at that time had no idea at that time how much more He would change me. As 1 Corinthians 13:11 says, “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a (mature person), I put away childish things.”

In a relationship with Christ, desires and affections change, or they ought to. Because He lives in me, I should be content to do things that I once may have considered foolish or a waste of effort. He challenges me every day. Sometimes spiritual disciplines are often just that, disciplines, but this relationship is more like an adventure, and should never be drudgery or a reason to complain.

The devotional reading also says that because Jesus was dead to everything that was contrary to His Father’s will, He also delighted to do His will. His affections were set on just that; He came to do His Father’s will. He asks me to do the same thing. “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me” (Matthew 16:24)

By doing that, I’m yielding all that childhood stuff, those things that belonged to a past life that I no longer live. Because of Him, why would I even be interested? He has produced a change and a growth.

That little girl who was once oblivious to the kingdom of her Father now knows a whole new way of living. He supplies all that I need, including the joy of obeying Him, and simply asks that I walk with Him in this new place—and grow up.

Just wanting to grow up

A few years ago, as a grandmother in seminary, one of the students asked me, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” It was his polite way of asking why a person my age would be going for a master’s degree in religious education.

I told him my goal has always been to become a sweet little old lady. He couldn’t make the connection. Others can’t either. They usually chuckle, but they really don’t know me very well. I need all the Bible education I can get. Without Christ, I am black and white to the extreme, critical, dogmatic, self-centered, and always right. While the Lord has changed me a great deal, He’s got more work to do. Much more. I’m far from sweet.

This sweet, little old lady talk has come up in all sorts of ways. My husband and I have been discussing old age. While we are both under 65 (for a few more days), we realize the clock keeps ticking. Also, we cared for my aging parents when they lived with us for one year (ten years ago). We look back at that experience with fondness and joy (my mom and dad were both sweet), yet we know it would have been even better for them and for us had they talked and planned earlier for this stage in their lives.

I don’t want my children to guess what to do with me if I can’t remember their names, or can’t turn my head to shoulder-check when I drive, or cannot see to read the phone bill or the phone numbers, or cannot walk well enough to get up and down stairs. I want them to know what to do with me, and I want to be cooperative and willing to go along with their decisions and actions.

People live longer these days, but that does not mean we will be strong in those years to come. I was reading today in Joshua 14 about Caleb. He was not a young man when God’s people finally conquered the land that God had promised them. However, at eighty-five he said, “As yet I am as strong this day as on the day the Moses sent me; just as my strength was then, so now is my strength for war, both for going out and for coming in.”

Caleb had a great attitude. In his old age he asked Joshua, “Now therefore, give me this mountain of which the LORD spoke in that day; for you heard in that day how the Anakim (“giants”) were there, and that the cities were great and fortified. It may be that the LORD will be with me, and I shall be able to drive them out as the Lord said.”

Caleb might have been old, but he was fighting fit, and ready for any challenge God put before him.

Maybe I should aim higher, change that “sweet little old lady” goal to “Christ-like warrior” or “powerful witness to God’s grace” or “tower of wisdom and strength.” But then again, I know myself; that first choice is the greater challenge.