Becoming my best self?

Libraries and book stores have large sections of ‘self-help’ books, mostly about how to look out for me, how to make things happen, and how to be my very best self. After being a Christian for more than fifty years, and even after making many decisions to improve myself, I am totally aware that my best self is totally inadequate. 

Aside from sin (which the Bible defines as ‘going my own way’), living a self-directed life doesn’t work anyway. Most people struggle with their yearly resolutions, plus I have enough ADHD combined with a bit of autism to make focusing a challenge. I’m easily distracted, and no matter how hard I try, sticking to even a short to-do list is tough. I also crave simplicity and struggle with interruptions.

Piper says this about the biblical reality of being my best self:  

True selfhood flourishes in covenant faithfulness. By “true” I mean the self that has been created in Christ Jesus and is being transformed into his likeness. For example, Paul says in Colossians 3:9–10, “Do not lie to one another, since you laid aside the old self with its evil practices, and have put on the new self.” 

He refers this to keeping promises, making resolutions, and trying to stay on track. In myself, I cannot do it. In Christ and in the power of the Holy Spirit that governs that new nature, I can — but only then. My true self does not emerge or flourish in a life governed by self-gratification. It only flourishes when I have yielded to the Spirit and do what He tells me. This is true covenant keeping, a life under the guidance of God rather than life run by whatever strikes me as important.

Thinking about this today, I have several household chores, dozens of quilts either in progress or on my to-do list, plus a long list of undone stuff like hang a few pictures, purge the storage room, harvest more lettuce from my backyard planter, and go across the street for a few groceries. When I walk into my study, I see books unread and a host of other things on the go, or waiting to get to the start line. Add a touchy Achilles tendon that hampers walking and the desire to pray and exercise. Then there is that soup cooling on the counter that needs to be strained and put in the fridge, never mind the bathrooms need attention along with four loads of laundry. 

Sometimes I use a priority chart and after numbering chores, I just start at the top — and get the last one checked off — if nothing distracts me, like a phone call or a visit from a neighbor. The positive in all this is the realization that self-effort is useless. Without the Holy Spirit, I would sit in front of the TV, or read, or have a nap, or not do anything.

Is it only those with youthful energy and no attention-deficit issues that can live an orderly life without relying on God? I know age nor human inabilities are not the issue. It is always sin: “I want what I want” or “I will do it my way.” Trusting God and listening for His leading requires yielding to Him. Knowing and trusting His promises is vital. Otherwise, I’d stay in bed in the morning. I cannot live and prosper without Him. 

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. (Psalm 37:5)

From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for those who wait for him. (Isaiah 64:4)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. (Proverbs 3:5–6)

Piper writes about keeping our part of the covenant we have with God, yet I know this cannot be done in my own strength. Piper does too. He says:

God is exalted in our honesty when we look to him and not to our schemes. And when God is exalted in our lives, we discover what we were created to be. No pursuit of self-enhancement without this exaltation of God will succeed. But if we humble ourselves with confidence in God’s future grace, and by this faith submit to his command for promise-keeping integrity, then he will exalt us in due time: “For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.” (Luke 18:14)

 PRAY: Jesus, You are most honored when I admit I cannot, and that I need You for all things. Long lists or short, hard days or easy ones, without Your promises, no matter how hard I try, I cannot improve myself. I need You. May You be glorified today and every day. 

Repay? Or be Thankful?

A friend shared that she struggles to be thankful. She explains that years of being cared for by God without a great deal of stress seems to cause her to take His care for granted. We are supposed to be thankful. It is part of worship and my friend agrees with verses like these:

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. (Colossians 3:15)
give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

That said, I was a bit surprised at the first line in today’s devotional reading: “Gratitude is a joyful emotion for worship but a dangerous motive for obedience.” Piper adds, “How can we not be thankful when we owe everything to God?”

He went on to explain that gratitude is a dangerous motive for obedience as it tends to be expressed in debtor’s terms like, “God has done so much for me… I owe Him everything…” But is that possible? How could anyone pay Him back for the grace He has given us?

“Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?” For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen. (Romans 11:35–36)

It is impossible because all we have already belongs to Him. Do I think of my life and possessions that way? I cannot even take another breath — being alive is his gift. Having a comfortable home, and a remarkable church and church family, and children and their children, and abilities and all else is because of God’s goodness. All belongs to Him ad well. I’ve only my gratitude.

Lately becoming aware of helplessness and weakness without Him, and aware that all strength to do His will is due to the Holy Spirit. Sometimes Christians say, “I did this for God” or “You need to obey Him” as if they do not understand what Jesus said:

Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. (John 15:3–5)

This is clear, and even the abiding is His work because apart from Him I cannot abide or would not want to. Like those who resist all that God requires, unless I’m filled with the Spirit of God and yielded to His leading, I am just like them. How can I pay anything back to God unless He does His work in my heart? And even then, it is never enough.

One thought: I do owe love to God and to others, yet even being able to love is also a gift by grace, meaning we do not earn or deserve it or payback God for it…

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. (1 John 4:7–12)

PRAY: Jesus, I’ve never thought about paying You back. It sounds too much like arrogance, as if I have the ability and means in myself to do it. Keep me from having a wrong motive pressing me into anything but loving obedience.

When Jesus changes lives…

 

The Lord taught me much at our family reunion that last weekend in July. As I reflect, it was not just for family that we were entirely blessed. He blessed me by letting me experience what it was like to be filled with His Spirit and feel entirely free to do or say whatever came to mind — and whatever came to mind was always praise and honor to Him. Complete freedom. I never once worried what others might think or that I might look like some sort of nitwit. Later, I was told by someone who wasn’t even there that I made a lot of people happy. That was Jesus at work and when the weekend was over, the joy remained. I felt like I’d just experienced a taste of heaven. Indescribable joy and worship.

That lesson reinforced what I’d known but never experienced in such measure. When God is in charge, there is no thought of self, no concerns about being rejected or sneered at, nothing negative, just great love and care for others to the point that self is totally out of the picture.

I didn’t make this happen. Being aware of God at work, I often felt like a bystander or an audience. He made clear what it means to be totally consecrated to Him. I didn’t even get tired, at least not until hours after on the way home. This was an amazing event for our family, but also for me.

Today’s reading is a description of how God made consecration to Him a reality for the person who wrote it. The writer used words like more light, no provision for the flesh, giving up all of self, having her will slain, and resting nowhere but in God. I don’t know what happened that revealed this to her, but it is definitely a NT norm:

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. (Colossians 3:1–10)

Looking back at many learning experiences, it seems that once God does an amazing thing in my life, without me even asking or thinking about it, I’m never the same afterward. One time one of our children took off with a friend in the middle of the night. They soon decided that was foolish and came home, but before that, the parents of the other child were numb with fear. However, my husband and I were oddly calm. We knew it was God giving us peace that was beyond comprehension. It made no sense to be calm, but we were a stabilizer for those other two people and not surprised when the two children walked in the door. This experience of God taking over made a huge difference. Since we learned He could do it, we now seek it when life throws us a giant-sized curve.

In the same way, I’ve learned what the Spirit of God can do for me in being responsible for a big event, just as the author learned what consecration is like when God makes it happen. It is His gift to show us the glory of putting self to death and putting on the new self.

Yesterday, a few of us were asked to do something scary. Experiencing God’s grace in other scary things takes the fear away for saying yes to this request. I’m trusting God to give what is needed to do the task, and also trusting Him for the others who claimed they are too inadequate for the task. May they discover that God knows we are not adequate; no one can do it without Him and feeling helpless is far better than having fleshy confidence. As John 15 says, without Him we can do nothing.

PRAY: Jesus, without You, I am as limp and useless as a glove without a hand. You give what is needed when it is needed. Forgive me for the times I try to do things in my own strength. Help my friends realize their need for Your power and boldness, and to recognize the difference between that and mere human confidence. Thank You Jesus.