More angels

It's been a long day. Our doctor had room for my husband around noon, took his vitals, and as soon as he saw his blood-oxygen, called an ambulance. The one that answered the call was sitting almost outside the building when it came in, so they were there almost before the doctor's secretary hung up the phone. They came up with a gurney, put him on oxygen right away, and off they went. Then our angel of a doctor prayed for him, the other medical people, and for me, before I left for the nearest hospital.

Nearest -- that was a blessing for all the hospitals in our city of one million were backed up and saying 'no' to any more ambulances at the ERs. They were going to send us to another city, but the EMT angels said no way, and took him about 30 blocks instead.

Our doctor sent a letter requesting 4 specialists, so he was not long in the que. After a multitude of tests, x-rays, etc. we were told he has viral pneumonia, maybe bacterial pneumonia also. The oxygen is helping, but he is on an IV and being watched closely by a multitude of angels in scrubs. He is ordinarily very healthy but CLL lowers the immune system making this a large threat.

But God has angels. He kept another one awake last night, then Lord directed her to read this blog this morning. She called first then showed up and brought us something to eat. 

I'm home and will go back in the morning hoping to find him in a ward and not in the ER waiting for a bed.

Thanks for praying, dear friends.

Sorrow

As it says in my profile, my husband has CLL, a chronic form of leukemia. This particular version develops slowly, some having it twenty years. However, it is relentless. Each time his blood is tested, we are reminded that there is no escape; all of us are terminal.

Yesterday’s test results showed a big leap in the numbers that matter. My heart is heavy. I know that God could intervene with this disease as He did with another less serious, yet normally incurable ailment that my husband once had. However, that does not change the fact that every person dies, and some will suffer greatly.

Spurgeon’s reading for today points me to Jesus, who when dying on the cross was offered a temporary balm for His agony. 

And they offered him wine mixed with myrrh, but he did not take it. (Mark 15:23)

The devotional reading is bitter sweet. Again, I paraphrase Spurgeon’s words . . .

    A golden truth is illustrated by Jesus refusing the wine-cup. On the heights of heaven the Son of God looked down upon our world and measured His long descent to the utmost depths of human misery. He knew the horrible agonies which redemption for sin would require, but did not back down. Instead, He solemnly determined that to offer a sufficient atoning sacrifice, He must go the whole way. This meant descending from the throne of highest glory to the cross of deepest woe.
    This cup mixed with myrrh with its sleep-inducing influence would have abated some of that utmost misery, but He refused it. He would not stop short of all He determined to suffer for His people.
    How many of us have longed for relief to our grief — not thinking that such relief would injure us more? Have I ever prayed for ease in hard service or relief from suffering with a bad-tempered or selfish and wilful attitude? Has life ever taken from me the desire of my eyes with a stroke? If the Holy Spirit whispered to me, “If you so desire it, that loved one of yours shall live, but God will be dishonored,” could I put away the temptation and say, “Thy will be done”?
    It is sweet to be able to say, “My Lord, if for other reasons I need not suffer, yet if I can honor You more by suffering, and if the loss of my earthly things will bring You glory, then so let it be. I refuse the comfort, if it comes in the way of thine honor.”
    Oh that I could thus walk more in the footsteps of my Lord, cheerfully enduring trial for His sake, promptly and willingly putting away the thought of self and comfort when it would interfere with me finishing the work which He has given me to do. Great grace is needed, but great grace is provided.

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Father, I do not know what You are going to do in my life or in my husband’s life with this increasing threat. I know that he is using it to speak to others about salvation. His attitude is cheerful. Such is grace.

As for me, I needed to read this and to realize that You are not acting randomly. All of life’s events are part of Your plan. I need grace and that peace that passes understanding. It was no coincidence that You had me read these verses this morning also. I love what they say. Help me live this out each day . . . 

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. . . . And I know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.  For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son. . . . What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? . . . . Who (or what) shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?. . . . No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:18, 28–39)

Life is short

Since he was diagnosed with CLL (chronic lymphatic leukemia), my husband often tells people that all of us wake up each morning by the grace of God. He demonstrates how a threat like this has a blessing in it; it reminds us that every life is terminal. Because life is short, we realize the importance of making sure where we stand with God.

Certainly some will say, “Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die” (Luke 12:19) denying that “it is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment” (Hebrews 9:27) and displaying the foolishness of those who say there is no God.

Those who take this attitude live with no hope, yet for most of us, the shortness of life hits us with thoughts of eternity. So it should. Even Jesus considered His relationship with the Father as He hung on the cross. Luke tells us that just before He died, Jesus showed great faith:

And when Jesus had cried out with a loud voice, He said, “Father, ‘into Your hands I commit My spirit.’” Having said this, He breathed His last. (Luke 23:46)

Peter wrote about Jesus’ attitude as my example. He was talking about how I should “not return evil for evil” but instead bless my enemies (1 Peter 3:9) and then told how Jesus did it by “committing Himself to Him who judges righteously” (2:23).

The Greek word translated as “committed” means “to hand over for someone to keep.” When Jesus suffered, He handed over His circumstances and Himself to God because He was confident in the righteous judgment of God. He knew His Father had the power to make all things right. This confidence allowed Him to accept what was happening to Him, even death.

I see this in my husband. When he was told about the CLL, then a few months later had a heart attack, his trust in the Lord deepens and he encouraging others to also trust Christ. After all, what are the options? We could deny that death is inevitable, or say it is just the end and nothing else happens. Or we can look at Jesus. He died for us so we don’t have to face the wrath of God’s judgment on our sin. He rose from the dead for us too, so we know that God has power over death.

Life is short. No one knows when their life will end. The best option is to put our faith in Jesus Christ and commit our spirit into the keeping power of God.

The bonus is that He gives us an overwhelming confidence. We know that no matter what happens to us, He will hold us in His hands and we are eternally safe in His care.

UPDATE

Every four months my husband has a blood test to determine what is happening with his CLL. He got the results of his most recent test yesterday. Much to his doctor's amazement, his white count, which has been rising and is one indicator of CLL, has dropped considerably. It is below the levels from last fall. All other numbers for various other blood factors are also down and not only that, his blood pressure and other vitals are perfect.

So does a heart attack affect CLL? Maybe a better diet and increased exercise are good for the immune system? The doctor used the word miracle (the numbers were that good), however we are just praising the Lord and not trying to figure it out. Like the doctor said, "Keep doing what you are doing!"

That last hurdle

Hard news. Yesterday was blood test results day, and my husband’s numbers related to his CLL have gone up three points each. They were over normal anyway (hence the diagnosis), but another three point increase means a more rapid escalation than we hoped. He still feels well, and has no other symptoms, but if this continues, well, I’m having trouble thinking about it.

CLL is an odd form of cancer. It happens in bone marrow which is producing cancerous white cells, creating a problem in the immune system. Any treatment for cancer weakens the immune system, so CLL is normally not treated until those numbers reach a certain point. Then, any treatment only slows the progress; it cannot be cured. My husband hasn’t decided yet if he wants the rigors of treatment since it will not ‘fix’ it, and could make him more miserable than the disease.

He is in good spirits. His attitude is amazing, actually. He makes me think of Agnes, an elderly friend who had Lou Gehrig’s disease, a slow, relentless killer that eventually suffocates its victims. She was sweet, prayerful, full of joy almost all the time. She was not in denial and her attitude was real. Agnes showed everyone how to die.

This morning, I’ve asked God for a good word and He never fails. This is where my devotional book took me, in Hebrews 2, to this: “Inasmuch then as the children (of God) have partaken of flesh and blood, He Himself likewise shared in the same, that through death He might destroy him who had the power of death, that is the devil, and release those who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage.”

Jesus came to die. He shared in something outside His nature, flesh and blood, so He could destroy the power of that which eventually takes all of us who are by nature flesh and blood.

Death’s power is two-fold. These verses talk about our fear of it. Fear holds people in bondage. I remember from the past few days the exhortation to “know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” That means no bondage, not even to this fear.

I think of all the things people do in fear to try and avoid death. They don’t talk about it, and avoid any reminders of it, like aging. In fact, aging is ferociously fought, as if it were a den of tigers. Thousands of products exist because of this fear, their ads filling magazines. Fearful people try to defy it, doing dangerous things. Nevertheless, the fear of death permeates life.

The other bondage is spiritual. Because we sin, we are condemned to die, not just physical but also spiritual. Spiritual death is being separated from God, in this life and eventually forever. While some smirk and say they don’t care because they want to be ‘partying with their friends’ anyway, the fear of death still eats at hearts. We know that we deserve it, but we also don’t want it. Only those in great despair reach out for death, mistakenly thinking that even dying must be better than their current pain.

Lies about death and this gripping fear are Satan’s power. He uses them like chains, filling minds with falsehoods, filling hearts with dread. Like my husband often says, everyone is terminal, and everyone knows it.

But not everyone is held in bondage by death or the fear of it. Yes, Jesus was put in a tomb, dead, but He didn’t stay there. In dying He paid our penalty for sin, died our death and experienced separation from God for us, but He is not dead; He is alive. He came out of that tomb, was seen by many witnesses, then returned to glory where He “ever lives to make intercession for us.”

Jesus said, “He who believes in the Son has everlasting life . . . .” The verb is past tense. When we respond to His gift of salvation and receive His gift of eternal life, death becomes merely a transition from this place to the next.

Eternal life belongs right now to us who believe, me, and my husband included. Physical death cannot take it from us. All it can do is separate us from one another, for a little while.

I know all the verses about Jesus never leaving me, or forsaking me, and that He will take care of me. I know that when either of us die, we will be with Jesus, and all of life’s challenges will fade from memory. I know that a great and eternal joy will be ours.

Yet sometime between then and now, there will be trauma, sorrow, and days filled with tears. For today, it’s that part that shakes me.