Subtle Doubts

The Bible speaks much of God's people having zeal or great enthusiasm to serve Him. New Christians often show the same attitude. So do I, but not always. Yesterday we heard an enthusiastic message, yet all I wanted to do afterwards was sleep. 

Today, I could sleep all day. My health has a thumbs up. I’ve the blood pressure of a teenager, no problems with eyes, ears, teeth, bone density, etc. but my zeal for life, even ordinary things, lags at times. Is this a spiritual problem? Or too many birthdays?

A bit of research lists a host of reasons such as worldly-mindedness, spiritual complacency, neglecting spiritual disciplines, unrepentant sin, a lack of understanding of God's truth, focusing on temporary gratifications, trying to please others, and overwork. In its list of twenty-two possibles, a few poked at me. . . .  

While I’ve sometimes relied on others to build my self-worth, an excessive workload often deplete my energy and enthusiasm. Sometimes I ask for help or prayer support and others tell me how strong I seem and assume that I don’t need encouragement. I can be emotionally drained at the state of the world, pray much about the needs I see, yet feel the fatigue of spiritual battle. A big drain is prayer without seeing tangible results. I can also focus on the challenges and difficulties rather than on God's power. At that, zeal begins to fade.

Interestingly, at least one OT prophet saw this problem as God withholding His blessing: 

Look down from heaven and see, from your holy and beautiful habitation. Where are your zeal and your might? The stirring of your inner parts and your compassion are held back from me. For you are our Father, though Abraham does not know us, and Israel does not acknowledge us; you, O Lord, are our Father, our Redeemer from of old is your name. O Lord, why do you make us wander from your ways and harden our heart, so that we fear you not? Return for the sake of your servants, the tribes of your heritage. Your holy people held possession for a little while; our adversaries have trampled down your sanctuary. We have become like those over whom you have never ruled, like those who are not called by your name. (Isaiah 63:15–19)

The NT says this about blaming God for a lackluster faith:

Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. (James 1:13–17)

And in the letters to the churches, God also says His people are to repent from whatever was lacking and do as He was telling them to do. Am I hearing but not doing? Is being too tired to do anything a challenge? or an excuse? Discernment needed…

For at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:8–10)
 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2)

After writing this, I received a positive and edifying email and it helped restore my emotions. God heard me whining.

PRAY: Jesus, sometimes my problem is trying to do more than You ask of me. The needs are great and although I trust You to be Lord of all, I sometimes tackle Your to-do list instead of waiting for Your instruction. Yesterday You reminded me how small actions create large results. Today this lack of zeal and that email tell me to “be still” and trust You to answer my prayers and take care of all my needs. Forgive my impatient discouragement that reflects a simple lack of trust that You will do what is best for me.