Learning to Love

A teenage girl told me that she wanted to have a baby because, “I want someone who will love me.”

While my heart went out to her, an abused and neglected child, how could I tell her that this is not the way it works? Infants are born with the same need for love as their parents. Without being loved, they will be concerned only to have their own needs met. Love for others needs to be developed. No one is born with it.

Yesterday, I was told of twin boys, age ten, whose mother is in jail for abusing them. They have been described as ‘feral’ and without any sense of boundaries. Without loving care, they have no care for others. The only time one of them looked happy was when he was abusing and beating his brother.

Children generally respond to love. If parents care for them, they develop the ability as nurture overcomes that me-first nature all of us are born with. However, as important as this family love is, it is not the same as the love our heavenly Father has for us, or the love that He wants us to have for one another. This love was unknown to me until the day that Jesus Christ came into my life.

On that day, a change of heart happened and astonished me. I’d known the commands to love God and love others, but I did not feel that I was doing it, at least not to the standard the Bible describe. Then, suddenly, that love was there. Many theologians will describe it not as a feeling but as the action of obedience, so perhaps the feeling I had would best be described as a sudden and very real desire to do what God said. I immediately loved Him and immediately became far more interested in others and in the needs of others than I’d even imagined. This happened because God sent His Spirit into my heart.

“And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he has commanded us. Whoever keeps his commandments abides in God, and God in him. And by this we know that he abides in us, by the Spirit whom he has given us.” (1 John 3:23–24)

By nature, I am a ‘why’ person, pragmatic and constantly seeking the bottom line, the reason for doing anything. God often obliges this desire and showed me the reason Christians are supposed to love one another . . .

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34–35)

This love is an important way to show the world that I belong to God and follow Jesus Christ. It is also a way of verifying that He is real and that He changes lives.

Not only that, He showed me that the love among family members, or between husbands and wives is not the same kind of love as the love of God. How is God’s love beyond ordinary human affection? John 3:16 is a big clue: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

The love of God cares about others to the point of self-sacrifice for their eternal well-being. It includes taking care of physical and emotional needs too, but isn’t about indulging people or being their resource or doormat. Instead, God wants me to demonstrate all of what He is like in His love for them. This is difficult to describe because it is both an attitude and action:

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:4–7)

As a new Christian, I felt differently, but it didn’t take me long to realize that loving God and loving others is a fruit of the Spirit (see Galatians 5). The Lord produces it, motivates it, makes it happen, but only in the heart of a person yielded to Him in obedience. That is why the Bible says to love God and keep His commandments. It is in obeying God that I can express love to Him and His love to others. As soon as I start putting myself first, love is gone.

^^^^^^^^^^

Lord Jesus, this journey with You is filled with opportunities to love others. It can be little things like making lunch when I feel like having a nap, or being patient when someone is slow to respond to a simple request, or refusing to compare myself with others who are making mistakes. It is also far larger sacrifices such as seen in the actions of your people in times of disasters such as fires, floods, and tornadoes, risking their lives for the good of others. The more I realize how much You love me, the more I’m inclined to drop that me-first attitude that I came wailing with into this world. What can I say? You are an amazing God and from You, I’m learning how to love and obey You, knowing that it is You who makes such love possible.