The present is sometimes too much like the past

Never being a person who dwells on the past, I have difficulty remembering events that are vivid for my children and others in our family. However, one thing I do remember well — what I was like before I became a Christian.

Therefore remember that you, once Gentiles in the flesh… that at that time you were without Christ, being aliens from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers from the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. (Ephesians 2:11–12)

At that time, as these verses say, I was alienated from the promises of God, separated from Him and hopeless regarding anything spiritual or eternal. The biggest reason that I can remember what this was like is that every time I stray from God and try to do anything without Christ, I experience those same emotions and that same sense of separation as I did then. The biggest difference is that it is not God who turns away now, but me. Why would a Christian do this? We have everything God can give us and are no longer alienated from God.

But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. (Ephesians 2:13)

The blood of Christ covers all sin and removes the alienation. The big words are atonement, propitiation and redemption. The shorter version is that because Christ died for me, my sins are forgiven. Because He lives for me, I can depend on God for whatever I need.

Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)

And instead I rely on myself? To do so means that I pridefully think I can? Or that God does not care about my issues and problems? Whatever my reasons, the Holy Spirit reminds me that I am no longer separated from the promises of God or alienated from Jesus Christ. He is for me, not against me. I have been brought near.

If God is for me, who can be against me? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for me, how shall He not with Him also freely give me all things? Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for me. Who shall separate me from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? ... Yet in all these things I am more than a conqueror through Him who loved me. I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate me from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus my Lord. (Romans 8:31–39, personalized)

I’m not sure of my mental IQ but sometimes I just bottom out on my spiritual IQ. So dumb. Put in black and white, nothing seems more foolish and hopeless than to depend on me and put myself into any situation without relying on God. Yet He is my Savior. He always knows how to pull me back out of those holes that I dig for myself and remains faithful to do so, even as I behave so foolishly!

Thank You.