Leaving it with God

Years ago, in another life when I was not a Christian, my first husband used to arrive for supper later than the time he said he would be there. This happened almost every night. I chewed him out, he mumbled his apologies and ate his cold supper. But nothing changed.

Then I heard on a radio program that if you do not react to such behavior, it can have a surprising effect. The idea is that when a person expects to be chewed out and it happens, they are satisfied and can carry on. If they do not get what they expect, their guilt does not go away because they didn’t get punished and they have to deal with it themselves.

I was not a Christian then, but I decided to do “this act of grace” so the very next time he was late, I served his supper without saying anything about his lateness. I acted as nothing was wrong and he had been on time. He never did the late-for-supper thing again.

This is a principle right from the Bible. We deserve the wrath of God for our sin. While the element of dread is there, we know in our hearts that we deserve some sort of punishment for the times we lied, hurt others and cursed God. But God did not do the expected. Instead, He sent Jesus Christ and . . . 

For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. (2 Corinthians 5:21)

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. (Romans 8:1–2)

Thinking about this, I wonder if this is why some people cannot accept this good news? It is far too distressing to be offered forgiveness and new life. Some even say things like, “I’ll take my chances” when it comes to God’s judgment of their lives.

For me, in those former days, the household law was “be late and be scolded” but that new law of “be late and get a hot supper anyway” was too much for my former husband’s conscience. He quit being late. While this story isn’t exactly like what God does and how salvation works, the grace given by God does have an effect on how we behave. Who wants to sin when God has so graciously accepts us, even put our sin on His Son that we might not be punished?

I’m not sure where I got the wherewithal to do this before I became a Christian. For me at that time, I wasn’t certain that “mercy” would work and may have had manipulation in mind. I didn’t know or recognize God’s power, yet in retrospect, He was teaching me something I needed later.

However, now that I am a Christian, I know that acts of mercy cannot be a form of manipulation. When someone does something that deserves wrath (or even a strong tongue-lashing) and God calls me to be merciful, I have to mean it. I also trust (without presumption) that He will take care of the guilt and punishment of those who wrong me. He says, 

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:17–21)

Yesterday, I decided to do the mercy thing instead of blowing my top at two people who had hurt me. I needed help, but God gave me grace — even in my emotions. While I was not joyful about withholding anger, He did give me the strong sense of doing the right thing. For this, I am grateful.

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Lord, I’m also grateful that You are able to “avenge” if You so desire, but I would rather see you work in the lives of the two people that hurt me, one quite deeply. It would be good all around if You made them aware of their attitudes and convicted them of sin. It isn’t about what they did to me, but what they are doing with their relationship with You. I’d like to see repentance and changed lives, not coals of fire.

Thank You for granting me the grace to step back and trust You to take care of this. I could blow up, but You have other ways to deal with those who are inconsiderate and sinful toward You and Your children. Even if these two people never change, because You helped me obey You, I am at peace.