I cannot save myself

It has to be God who puts in my heart the desire to continually improve. No matter what area of life, I’m never satisfied with the status quo. I could do better in prayer, better as a teacher, better as a friend.

Yet with this desire comes the realization that no matter my effort, God is the only one who can produce permanent change. He does not do this through me “trying harder” — because I am not my own Savior, nor am I the best judge of what my life should look like.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:10)

God saved me and placed me in His kingdom, giving me new life in Jesus Christ. Ultimately, His goal is that I am transformed into the image of Christ, but along the way He has prepared tasks for me to do, a path of life that He wants me to take. Sometimes I get confused about the path. More often, I am disappointed with the way that I walk. I waver and stumble along, without any sense of progress. Failures and even rebellion happens more often than I intend, yet I feel helpless to overcome this waywardness, and often do not even what I know I should do instead. Sometimes I cry out the last line of this verse, and sadly forget the first part: 

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands. (Psalm 138:8)

Spurgeon rightly points out that the confidence the psalmist expressed was not in himself. He cried to God and knew that God would fulfill His purpose. He did not say that he had all it takes, or that his faith was bulletproof. He had no claim about his own determination to be a better believer.

There is the difference between this psalmist and me. So often I think if I just resolve to trust more, obey more, be more focused, then I will not be moved. It doesn’t work. Whenever I indulge in any confidence not grounded on the saving power of Jesus Christ, my efforts fail leaving me upset, angry at myself, and disappointed. How could I forget that Jesus is the Savior and I am not? But I do — and doing it “my way” is the very nature of sin.

The Psalmist knew better than I in that his confidence was entirely in the Lord’s work. When Paul wrote to the church at Philippi, he expressed the same understanding and confidence,

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:6)

Yet I look at those verses where God tells me to strive for perfection and to work out my salvation. He says He works in me a willingness to obey Him and gives me power for the same purpose. The enigma is trying to figure out what that looks like in daily life. How do I rely on Him to do it, yet also do what He asks?

The Lord began a good work in me, carries it out in me and finishes it in me. I cannot sew up my robe of righteousness myself as those stitches unravel. Yet I also cannot listen to the lie that I will never be able to stand, conquer sin, or overcome temptation. I know in myself this is not a lie, but thanks be to God, He will take me from this stumbling and bumbling to what He wants me be.

More and more I am realizing that key to victory over every temptation and sinful attitude of my heart (those things I trip over without even noticing them in my path), includes a greater humility and more prayer. When my confidence says, “I can handle this” without adding “through the power of Jesus Christ” then I will not handle it. The prayer has to be more like: “I cannot face, accomplish, resist, even recognize my weaknesses in any area of my life. I need Jesus Christ to enlighten and empower me. Without Him, I am nothing.”

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Father, this utterly groundless attitude that “I can do it” keeps me from doing Your will and throws me in the ditch more often than I realize until it is too late and I’m calling on You to dig me out. Today, all day, even this moment of today, I need You to perfect that which concerns me. Without You, my sin, even my determination not to sin, will take me away from the path that You have prepared and the goal that You have for my life. Do whatever it takes to keep me from relying on myself and kick me off the throne that You put in my heart for only Yourself.