Spiritual war

I’m not aware of what was happening in the spiritual realm yesterday, only that invisible forces were pulling me down a road that I didn’t want to travel. It seemed like both torture and war. I wanted something that I didn’t want. I was being drawn away from God but the temptation had no appeal. I went from praying to not able to pray, seeking God to feeling like I had been in a terrible car accident.

This has happened before. My prayers were specific, but the troublesome thoughts and temptations were a mis-mash without focus. It was like driving in the dark, blindfolded. I could sense the road, but something kept yanking on the wheel and it seemed that if I let go, I would wind up in the ditch. Crying out to the Lord didn’t seem to help. No destination, no directions, no map, nothing seemed clear. By suppertime, I was exhausted.

Then suddenly it was gone. I still cannot figure out what was happening, but that awful road trip ended. I slept quickly and soundly. This morning I woke with a bit of lingering confusion that soon vanished and left me wanting to see Jesus. He is the way. He makes clear the road of life. He is also the destination and my roadmap. I need Him to make sense of things, and even if He doesn’t, I need His comforting presence and assurance.

Spurgeon’s devotional for today led me to these verses and filled me with awe. God always knows what I am thinking and what I need to hear. 

Now among those who went up to worship at the feast were some Greeks. So these came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, and asked him, “Sir, we wish to see Jesus.” (John 12:20–21)

Perhaps these Greeks were curious. They may have heard about His miracles and wanted to see what He looked like, a mere mortal man compared to their myriad of gods. Some of them may have been ill and heard about His healing powers. They could have wanted some of that for themselves.

Whatever they wanted, they wanted to see Jesus. The next verses give the response Jesus gave toward their request. The Bible says nothing else about them or whether they ever did get to see Him, yet the answer Jesus gave is powerful and gives light to my confusion.

Philip went and told Andrew; Andrew and Philip went and told Jesus. And Jesus answered them, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him.” (John 12:22–26)

Reading this speaks to me first about my own desires to be with Jesus. Is this for myself, just to make me feel better?  If so, I need to pay attention. Jesus talks of His death and the results from dying that the disciples could not yet see. They had no idea that unless Jesus died, there would be no everlasting fruit. He needed to yield up His life.

In that context, Jesus points to my death, not a physical death but an abandonment of all things pertaining to this life. If I want eternal results, then I need to yield up the temporary goodies that this life promises. This is about sin, but also about all the good things that life offers. I know that whatever I gain in a material sense will be lost anyway. The only things that last are those eternal gains, but Jesus reminds me that this fruit will not be produced unless I give up and die toward the temporary stuff.

Do I list it? Some things are obvious, like possessions. None of them last. Some are gone in weeks or months. All things material deteriorate and wind up in the junk pile.

It’s the same with intangibles including fame and success. I watched part of a hockey game last night and remembered our city’s hero, Wayne Gretsky. His trophies are memories. The glory fades. So it is with my glory. It does not last, is soon replaced. Even memories become fuzzy and are lost.

The list of the temporary is longer than this, but His point is made. Serving Jesus means following Him and turning my back on those things that do not last. While I cannot abandon responsibilities like washing sinks and sweeping floors, nothing can be considered precious and none of my selfish “I wants” will last. Even in doing what I need to do each day, Jesus must be the center. He directs, empowers, is glorified and is the focus of it all.

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Lord, I still don’t know exactly what yesterday’s war was about. It might have been related to my prayers for others (and the devil wanted me to stop). It might have been about those confusing and shifting temptations to my own spiritual welfare. Either way, I do know that You win. You conquered death, but You also rule over life. All that happens is under Your watchful eye. All that comes at me is by Your permission so that You can use it for my good. I do not understand everything or even much of anything, yet I do know that seeing You and being with You dissolves my pressing need to know. You will direct me through to my destination. Because You are in the driver’s seat, I don’t need to touch the wheel.