Desiring Jesus

Perhaps everyone has this experience. I’ve not heard it said or talked about, but it is something that happens to me. As long as I can remember, I’ve wanted a bonding relationship, one that is deep and face-to-face. I didn’t always call it that, but recognize it now.

I looked for it in family, with friends, with the men in my life. This is not a physical bonding, nor the “one flesh” bonding of marriage, but a soul to soul “I know you and accept you completely” relationship. Some friendships have come close, but they were always flawed in some way, or came to an end because of relocations or other factors.

After I became a Christian, it took me a few years to recognize that this longing is a deep desire for God Himself. It cannot be satisfied by people, partly because people are flawed and do not love and accept one another like He does. Besides that, God is zealous for us and wants our undivided devotion. We cannot get that bonding relationship from others; He reserves this place for Himself alone. Jesus said,

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. (John 15:4–5)

There is more to this than just the closeness of abiding in Christ. As wonderful as it is to know He loves me unconditionally and cares for me like no other, abiding in Him is also about being alive and productive.

When I am aware of Jesus, walking close to Him, thinking continually of Him, His presence and His life have a deep effect on me. However, instead of continually wanting that satisfaction for myself, I have it! I am wrapped up in it. Jesus gives it to me — and sets me free to want it for others. I want all of His people to know intimacy with Him. As for those who do not know Him, my heart hurts as I pray that He would reveal Himself to them.

Not only that, as the vine and branches illustrate, the life of Jesus Christ is freely flowing from Him to those who abide. He wants me to cling to Him just as much as I want that closeness. When I do, He can pour Himself into my life, then through me into the life of others. This is amazing. His life is seen in the fruit of the Spirit. 

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. (Galatians 5:22–23)

These things cannot be forced. Unless I am abiding in Jesus, they are not present. When I am, I cannot turn them off (unless I sin). 

*****

Oh Lord, lately I’ve felt increasing desire to be close to You. It is almost like hunger, but has that aching heart feeling that is more difficult to describe. This is not about wanting to bear fruit, even though that is also pleasant and worthy of desire. It is like I want to crawl into Your skin, to be so “in Christ” that I disappear and when people look at me, all they see is You.