Swatted and hugged

Lord, You have this way of anticipating what I will read and therefore opening my heart even before I open my book so that the words are most effective. I’m convicted by Matthew 6 and see myself in the person who “prays to be seen by men.” Far too often I’m wanting to be noticed for my spirituality. This made me mutter, “Sometimes I wonder if I am even a Christian.”

Then You take me to Spurgeon’s readings for today. The first one uses this verse concerning the work of Your priests.

It shall be on Aaron’s forehead, and Aaron shall bear any guilt from the holy things that the people of Israel consecrate as their holy gifts. It shall regularly be on his forehead, that they may be accepted before the LORD. (Exodus 28:38)

My first thought is how I am to be a priest and intercede for the sins of others, but that isn’t what this devotional reading is about. Instead, You lined it up to line up with my earlier thoughts. I write Spurgeon’s words in my own words . . . 

The sinfulness of my public worship, its hypocrisy, formality, lukewarmness, irreverence, wandering of heart and forgetfulness of God, what a full measure have I there! My work for the Lord, and efforts I make smack of selfishness, carelessness, slackness, unbelief. I see a mass of defilement in me. My private devotions, their laxity, coldness, neglect, sleepiness, and vanity, what a mountain of dead earth is there too! If I look more carefully though, You will show me that this iniquity is far greater than I first supposed.

Spurgeon then quotes a pastor who says that his parish as well as his heart resembles the garden of a lazy man. I see that in myself too. Then, as he also says, I find that so often my desires for the improvement of my heart and my actions proceed from either pride or vanity or laziness. Now I quote his words and am struck by how true they are for me.

I look at the weeds which overspread my garden, and breathe out an earnest wish that they were eradicated. But why? What prompts the wish? It may be that I may walk out and say to myself, ‘In what fine order is my garden kept!’ This is pride. Or, it may be that my neighbors may look over the wall and say, ‘How finely your garden flourishes!’ This is vanity. Or I may wish for the destruction of the weeds, because I am weary of pulling them up. This is indolence.

Even my desire for holiness can be polluted by prideful motives. Just as worms hide under the greenest grass, I don’t need to look long to discover them sliming about in my thoughts. How difficult to find purity. Sin pollutes so thoroughly.

However, the verse from Exodus points to those priests of old who wore on their brow the words, “Holiness to the Lord” and thus it also points to You. You are the ultimate High Priest who bore my iniquity, all of it, for all time.

So then, as Spurgeon joyfully reminds me, Jesus bears my sin and presents before His Father’s face, Your face, not my foolish pride and selfish motives, but his own holiness. And tonight becomes one more of those occasions where I feel as if you have swatted and hugged me at the same time!