No anger

Oh my Lord, You have often heard me tell the story of the little girl in junior church who, when I said all were sinners, said in wide-eyed assertiveness, “But I’ve never murdered anyone.”

Tonight You rebuke me with that memory and with these words.

You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. (Matthew 5:21–24)

Instantly I think of so many times I became annoyed or irritated at someone, even today, only today. I am that little girl who did not think that murder begins with a seed. You are clear on this. That seed has no place in the garden of my heart.

You have the privilege of righteous indignation. Rarely is this true in humans and even then, it is never pure. “Poor me” or “outraged me” always enters human anger, my anger. Only You can be angry and totally without sin. I can scarcely imagine such purity.

I am ashamed. I get angry when misunderstood, or ignored, when strangers cut in front of me, when someone is thoughtless, countless reasons, all of them small. Do You do that? Never! You are unmoved by my foolishness because Your great heart is not thinking of Yourself. You are only concerned that I am pure of heart, like You are pure.

I read the above verses from Matthew as part of daily reading through the New Testament. Then my devotional reading said this:

Now the hand of the LORD was upon me in the evening . . . (Ezekiel 33:22)

Who has not experienced the unexpected weight of an unapproving hand? Your hand on me is like a vice this hour. I cannot move, can barely squirm. Rebuke is not a pleasant part of being Your child. Yet I know You are not like me in Your anger. It is all for my sake, not because You are offended but because You want me totally free of all selfishness, utterly free of the bondage of sin.

I read Spurgeon’s thoughts and again know the logic of faith. The Holy Spirit speaks with level and balanced tone, reminding me that You love me. This weighty hand is for my good. I paraphrase a section of the reading and also sense a joy, even as I confess my selfishness.

In me, virtue so often languishes, but my selfishness rages. My faith becomes rattled when I become vexed. I realize how instantly cold my heart can become. And these are good reasons why Your healing hand should be heavy upon me. Your hand has often cooled the heat of my painful sorrows, even steadied the tumult in my frightened heart. Your creative right hand shaped the world and also recreates my mind and priorities. Your hand is never tired; You sustain me when I falter. Your hand encircles all Your people; and You love me along with them. Your hand subdues kings and evil spirits, even Satan. It also can tame my sinful heart and overflow it with mercy, mercy enough to change my irritations to grace. I need it and say with Spurgeon, why should I not feel that hand touching me this evening? 

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