To Live is Christ — sometimes hiding

There are days, even weeks, when I feel helpless, put down, and abandoned. Like my sister used to say, I want to go out in the garden and eat worms.

Most of the past week has been like that. I wanted a place to hide or someone to rescue me. A few said, “What has gone wrong?” as if I’d experienced some great disaster, but that was not so. I could say fatigue or too much bad news (there was much of it).  However, those things have happened before and not made me feel so desolate.

My interpretation of this spiritual slump is that I’m being tested. This is a God-allowed thing, perhaps to see what I will do with it. Today’s verses tell me what I already know. This can be my only response to those times when it seems as if the whole world has stopped praying.

My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory; the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. (Psalm 62:5–7)

Early this morning I was outside walking and praying. I found myself saying something like David did in these verses. I do not understand what is going on in the spiritual realm or in the physical world that is at the root of this dark place. However, I know that I am unable to fight this or make it go away. It is God who saves me, even from mysterious soul depression.

So, my soul submits to God. If this is from Him and it is His will for me, then I accept it. He is the only solid resource that I have. He is the One who saves. He is the One who defends and protects me. While the way I feel can send me reeling, I will not be moved from believing what I just wrote. God is my Savior and any glory that I have comes from Him.

He also gives strength when I need it. Last week, without that strength I could never have written the material for my Bible study lesson, nor could I have taught it. He stepped in and pulled me up so I could do what needed to be done. Yet when that need was taken care of, the sense of darkness and helplessness came back. No matter. I am still determined that He is my refuge. I will hide in Him until He sees fit to bring me out to a better place.

I’ve read of those who experience such a trial as this. For some, it goes on for days, months, even years. Is this what God wants? I don’t know, but I do know that I can wait (hopefully silently and without complaint) looking to Him. He will accomplish His purposes for me. He is my rock and my strong tower, my hiding place.