It’s a Control Thing

Last night a family member and I talked about grief. What bothered her is the fact that grief cannot be controlled. That is, a person cannot invite it in at a convenient time. Instead, grief comes to visit whenever it wishes. Any attempt to control it by not opening the door simply results in it coming the next time with greater force. To beat grief, one has to let it in and experience it. As that happens, it loses its power each time it returns.

A big part of this is the control thing. It is human nature to want to be in charge, to protect ourselves from harm and choose only those things that we think will make us safe and keep us happy. For some, this works fairly well. They go through life seemingly without needing any outside help other than their chosen network of resources.

This perplexes me only a little. As a Christian who often hears people say, “That’s fine for you but lots of people are quite happy without faith,” I know that this life is not all there is. A person might be happy and do well, but the day will come when they will leave this ‘happy’ place and stand before God. The question then will be, “What did you do with my Son?” Christianity is about eternity too, maybe even eternity first of all.

It is with eternity in mind that I’m trying to live my life. I also try to keep in mind that I can be derailed by my propensity to want to be in control of everything, to choose my own way, to select those things that I think will make me happy. This is where God says to me that I must trust Him with those choices, and let Him determine what is best for me. He clearly tells me, “Do not quench the Spirit” (1 Thessalonians 5:19). If I throw cold water on His instructions and guidance, I will regret it.

Today’s reading in God is Enough is about those choices I’ve been making regarding my possessions—which to toss and which to keep. It suggests that having stuff is not the issue, but who controls the stuff? Then it says, “The most unsafe person in the universe to have charge of my things is myself; and never do I possess them so firmly as when I have transferred them into the hands of God. Never am I so sure of my money as when I have transferred it out of my unsafe pockets into the safe custody of a trustworthy bank; and the same thing is true as regards the abandonment of all I possess into the custody of God.”

I agree that having things is not a sin, but letting them dictate my life is. While I am cleaning house, I need to pay attention to the still small voice of the Lord. I have some things that haven’t been used in years still sitting on a shelf. I feel no freedom to toss then or give them away. Is this the Holy Spirit telling me to wait? It seems so, and I’ve no idea why. Perhaps down the road He will ask me to do something with it?

I can see that having stuff and cleaning house can also be a control thing. Who is in charge of what goes and what stays? Will I let the Holy Spirit tell me what to do with it? Or will I determine what is best? Will I trust that He knows more about me and the future than I do? Or will I decide that my reasoning is as reliable as His omniscience? Out of habit, I’ve chosen my own way, but the reliability of that way is starting to be revealed; I’ve far too much stuff.

In every area of life, the Holy Spirit is a bit like grief—I cannot predict His visits. I never know when He will drop-in and tell me to change direction or do this or stop doing that. This week He has been after me about cluttered spaces. Who knows what He will point out next? All I know is that I must pay attention, not try to quench Him or silence Him.

The big difference between His visits and grief, is that part about yielding. If I yield to the Lord, His little knock at my door does not weaken with the next visit. Instead, as I open the door and do what He says, the next time He becomes stronger and easier to hear.