On Christmas day our family chatted about the hassles of renovations after I complained about the week hardwood was installed in our bedroom. They told me about a family whose house was upside-down for weeks due to contractor delays and other problems. This family had to set up home in the basement without normal conveniences, and live that way for a long time.
My family chided me for complaining. While I could have used the “I’m ADD” excuse, I realized I better be quiet. After pondering this, I can see that a scattered mind is not my only reason for the extreme stress I felt for my week of renovations. I have a spiritual problem.
As my family talked, I wondered if those people enjoyed their ‘camping out in the basement’ experience. Some would. Life is simpler when the basics are all that is available and all that is on their to-do list. Life is more fun too when lived much like a pilot who flies ‘by the seat of his pants.’ That is, everything is an adventure and planning rarely happens.
After that conversation, I began to realize that I like order and planning because I want to be in control. I want to know what is happening next and have my check list handy so that I am prepared for it. Surprises are okay, but not too many. Also, if my space has to be messy, I can handle it, as long as I don’t try to carry on as normal with everything else. That is, I don’t take a gourmet recipe book, or my laptop, or my sewing machine on a camping trip.
This might make sense to only a few people, but my habit has been to make notes (using a program called “Life Balance”) that remind me of everything I need to do, or want to do. Lately though, these lists have felt more like pressure than helpful reminders. I started to simplify them, but as I was doing that, I sensed the Lord talking to me about His control, His right to rule my life. When was I going to let Him guide me in all things?
Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”
From this verse and the conversation with my family, I can see that I have been leaning on my own understanding. That is, in many daily activities I decide what needs to be done—as if the God of the universe doesn’t know—and I also decide when it should be done and how to do it. But this verse says to trust Him in “all your ways” not just in the preparation of Bible study material, or when tackling something that is difficult, or when I feel needy—but in everything on my to-do list, and even about those things that should be put on that list.
In a few days we will leave our home in the care of a family member and go on holidays for a couple of weeks. I stewed about having no control over our home and even wanted to leave it empty. God spoke to those emotions with 2 Timothy 1:7, “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
As soon as I confessed my sinful fear, it was gone, totally. Only God can do that, and the freedom of no longer worrying about this issue has amazed and delighted me. It is making me rethink this whole to-do list, planning and control thing.
God is using life’s experiences to show me that I am trying to avoid the fear of having no control over what happens by trying to control what happens. In other words, I am not trusting Him with all my heart. I am leaning on my own understanding. I am not acknowledging Him in all my ways, and I am, at least in some areas of my life, missing the delight of being directed by the great and powerful God who knows everything.
Even Proverbs 16:9 puts my so-called ‘control’ in perspective. It says, “A man’s heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps.”
I might think I am controlling things, but when God has other ideas, He can turn my plans any way He wants them. That being said (and understood, and believed), it seems far more logical to cooperate with Him in the first place. It is also far more humbling. I’ve assumed that I am in charge of my life, but must admit that I really don’t have any control.
Instead, I must honor God and confess my fears, but also confess that I’ve not been totally yielded to Him nor taken His role as Lord of my life as seriously as He does.
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