Actions speak louder than words

Titus 1:16: “They profess that they know God, but in works they deny him.”
I spent nearly an hour wading through the outline of Charnock's discourse on Practical Atheism (The Existence and Attributes of God). It is complex, repetitious, and extremely convicting. How often am I guilty of living as if God does not exist? I see it in just the outline — and am fearful to read and study beyond that.
I know that all is not lost. God has been gracious to me. I do know forgiveness and possess the life of Christ. But so often I live as if none of that happened. I decide my day. I reach out only if pressed to do so. I'm often busy doing my own thing and resent the phone ringing, or someone asking a favor. I can say I love God all I want, but what is really going on in my heart?
And I sit here wondering what to put in my blog today since I said something like this yesterday. That is not God-honoring either. I’m thinking of publication instead of thinking how He is speaking to me. This is a form of faking it, of putting on an “I’m okay” front to the public when under conviction. Even without reading it all, Charnock’s chapter about practical atheism cuts at me. How many hours in the day do I think about God? The answer to that shows me how much I need grace, and how much less I am devoted to God than I thought.