Yesterday and the day before, I had trouble praying. I could not concentrate. Even worse, I didn’t feel like praying. I’ve not been angry or upset with God and have no idea why the desire and even the ability to pray were not there. In the past, when I’ve felt that way, I prayed anyway, but not these past couple of days.
Sometimes I wonder if the Holy Spirit sets me up. It isn’t that He produces this lack, but certainly if He withdraws, then my sinful nature has lost my only resource to do anything that God wants me to do. It feels as if I have been unplugged.
Now, as I sit in an airport and open my Bible, today’s devotional reading offers me this… and this is why I wonder if I’ve been set up.
But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. (Matthew 6:6)
The reading says that my prayer closet is faith’s stronghold. It is here that faith arms itself for daily conflict. If there is silence in that closet of prayer, death speaks throughout the house. When that door is allowed to rust on its hinges and that place of prayer is deserted, then the home of my heart is vulnerable to Satan and sin will come in and move me away from God.
What can I say? I’ve already told God that I agree with Him. Prayerlessness usually means that there is sin in my life, or that I think I can handle life without it (and without God). It seems to me that I am aware of my helplessness, and not aware of any particular sin, except that sin of silence when He bids me come and talk to Him. Is He giving me a taste of being unplugged so that I will not take Him for granted? Or is there something else going on?
God, You know all things. I don’t understand this. I’ve been exhausted, but that is not an excuse. Today, feel like it or not, grant me the grace to pray.