Learn rather than assume

Now Samuel died. And all Israel assembled and mourned for him, and they buried him in his house at Ramah. Then David rose and went down to the wilderness of Paran. And there was a man in Maon whose business was in Carmel. The man was very rich; he had three thousand sheep and a thousand goats. He was shearing his sheep in Carmel. Now the name of the man was Nabal, and the name of his wife Abigail. The woman was discerning and beautiful, but the man was harsh and badly behaved; he was a Calebite. David heard in the wilderness that Nabal was shearing his sheep. So David sent ten young men. And David said to the young men, “Go up to Carmel, and go to Nabal and greet him in my name. And thus you shall greet him: ‘Peace be to you, and peace be to your house, and peace be to all that you have. I hear that you have shearers. Now your shepherds have been with us, and we did them no harm, and they missed nothing all the time they were in Carmel. Ask your young men, and they will tell you. Therefore let my young men find favor in your eyes, for we come on a feast day. Please give whatever you have at hand to your servants and to your son David.’ ” (1 Samuel 25:1–8)

In this culture, it was common to be extra hospitable during sheep shearing time. (See 2 Samuel 13:23). This explains why David expected this wealthy man to feed him and his supporters. While less honorable men could simply help themselves to as much mutton as they wanted, he expected Nabal to follow the custom.

Last week we followed another custom. It felt awkward and unlike the way we would normally celebrate a birthday. Our host was also the ‘birthday boy’ who invited us, reserved an eating place, and paid for the food. All we had to do was show up and pay for our own drinks. No gifts expected but some were brought. In our culture no one would think of hosting their own birthday party, never mind paying for it.

David sent a large number of men to Nabal revealing that he expected a liberal gift of food as most large sheep owners were glad to supply the needs of anyone who guarded their flocks and defended them from the invasions of desert tribes or predators.

Over the years God has put missionaries and Bible translators into my life and shown me the challenges of taking the gospel to other cultures. Language is not the only barrier. Some cultures have no words for grace or mercy as these are unknown concepts, vital to spiritual truth yet difficult to convey or compare to people without any words or examples to give them definition. 

Not only that, individuals may know about things like hospitality, but their temperament can stand in the way of them following what their people usually believe. It happens here where we want truth and justice but people still lie and treat others badly. 

Nabal never softened his heart to David’s request, but his wife did, apologized to him and fed him and his men. When this hard-hearted man died, she became David’s wife. 

Aside from the result and the broad lesson of learning where others are coming from, this encourages me to ask questions and stop making assumptions about how others think and live. 

Jesus, these experiences and these Bible incidents are motivating me and showing me that loving others includes being curious about them and asking questions, not thinking I know all I need to know.