Yesterday I took an online test from a medical source and discovered what I and others have suspected — I have a combination of attention deficit disorder and a mild form of autism. It is called AuDHD. This is not a diagnosis but a term to describe that these two conditions can exist simultaneously. The confusion comes because the traits of each can interact and influence each other. When I described this to my hubby, he vigorously nodded his head.
I’ve often wondered how he manages to put up with me. One source says individuals with AuDHD may experience difficulties with focus, impulsivity, and social interaction, while also exhibiting sensory sensitivities, repetitive behaviors, or intense interests. One difficulty I’ve struggled with is a desire to fit in when I know that I am not like most other people. When meeting one person, she said she had heard of me and expected me to be different. I replied, “Well, I am different.” Everyone laughed but me.
Skipping the complex descriptions, I felt a bit relieved to understand that God created me “different” and had a reason for doing so. This came today as I read in Charnock’s superior book about God’s goodness. This popped out (and the editor in me modified it a tad):
He is good to all, though not in the same degree: “The whole earth is full of his mercy” (Psalm 119:64). A good man is good to his cattle and his employees. He makes provision for all, but not the same as he bestows upon his children.I’d just randomly selected a wallpaper for my screen. It is shown above and says, “Why do you work so hard to fit in when you are called to be set apart?” (2 Corinthians 6:17) This desire to fit in and the stress it can cause was suddenly a joy and a delight. Being different is the same as the Lord’s description of His people in His Word…
The NT speaks of various gifts, and yet one Spirit (1 Corinthians 12:4) gives a variety to each from His goodness. In other words, the drops of water as well as the fuller streams are from the same fountain. Although He does not make all His children partake of the full riches of his grace after they are reborn, this does not disgrace His goodness. This does not mean He is cruel.
For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. (1 Corinthians 12:14–25)Yet with all this, I’ve learned something vital: if I am walking in the flesh, the confusing mixture of AuDHD reigns, but when God fills me with His Spirit, none of it shows up. The key is awareness of when I slip into fleshy thinking and actions and must keep short accounts with God by confessing it and receiving forgiveness and cleansing. Then I need to rely on Him for total obedience. He is always ready to grant His goodness!
PRAY: At this point in life, You are giving me great freedom in knowing You and knowing myself. This helps me better understand the needs of people. I can discern what to say and do to care for them far better than ever before. I don’t need to fit in — at least not in with most of the world. I just need to become more like You and am so glad for Your goodness that enables even what seems impossible. Thank You so much!
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