After Jesus was crucified, the disciples were devastated.
They discussed this terrible loss saying, “But we had hoped that he was the one
to redeem Israel. Yes, and besides all this, it is now the third day since
these things happened.” (Luke
24:21)
It was not wrong for the disciples to consider Jesus as
the one who would redeem Israel, even though their idea of redemption was largely
political rather than spiritual. And it was the third day since His death, so
it did look like their hopes were in vain. They were dejected because God
didn’t do what they expected Him to do.
What do I expect from God? I’ve had so many prayers
answered in the past few weeks that I should be flying high, but I woke up this
morning feeling dejected. That emotion didn’t’ seem to have a reason.
However, the devotional reading for today gives this reason
for dejection: “Dejection springs from one of two sources — I have either
satisfied a lust or I have not. Lust means — I must have it at once.
Spiritual lust makes me demand an answer from God, instead of seeking God Who
gives the answer.”
The common idea of lust is often associated with sex, but
Chambers says it is “I want what I want when I want it.” It may not be a sinful
thing. I’ve recently become aware of craving for the presence of God. This is a
good thing, so good that when this desire is satisfied, nothing bothers me. For
many days, He has answered this prayer with a deep sense of Him being right
beside me.
However, as with all blessings, it becomes very easy to
relish the blessing more than God who gave it. Chambers also says that spiritual
dejection is always wrong because we tend to blame God for it, but this is not
true. If I am depressed or oppressed visit me, I am to blame; not God or anyone
else.
In the case of the disciples, they trusted God to do
something, but by the third day, He had not done it. They imagined themselves justified
in being dejected and thought this was God’s fault, not realizing that whenever
we insist that God does what we want, we have gone off track. The meaning of our
prayers is to get hold of God, not get hold of the answers.
His presence means His presence. It is not necessarily
about being unbothered by anything. If something is bothering me, I ought to go
to Him in prayer, knowing He is here and listening — whether or not I can sense
that, and whether or not He does what I ask, or makes me wait, or says no.
Faith is about trusting Him, even when life goes sideways. It is not about life
always being straight and predictable, not is it about never being bothered by
its crookedness or unpredictability.
Even as I write this, my foolishness is exposed. Do I want
God? Or do I merely want that wonderful feeling that He gives me when I sense
Him close by? Do I want God who knows what is best? Or do I want a genie in a
bottle that I can order about as if I know what is best?
Yesterday, I admitted the danger of pride, of thinking I
know better than God, and today I realize (again) that pride is a subtle beast
that crouches in unexpected places.
Instead of feeling unconquerable all the time, even
instead of feeling that my Savior is always here, He is telling me to trust Him
regardless of any sensations or feelings, regardless of whether He is answering
prayer or telling me to wait, and regardless of those ridiculous notions that
have me supposing that I know what I need better than God knows.
We were able to go to church today. Bob’s weight loss is
more obvious now than when we were at home. My fatigue is more obvious to me
when others tell me to get some rest. My selfish pride and lack of trust is a
sore thumb when with friends who are deeply in love with Christ. Yet it was
good to be there, to sing His praises with those who also seek His presence.
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