That first love

A new Christian said she was having a bad time because she felt as if God had “spit her out” and was gone. She was reading her Bible and praying, yet this feeling of being abandoned would not leave her.

I thought of that old illustration of a train with three cars: facts, faith and feelings. If the facts or truth of the Bible is the engine, faith must follow and feelings will fall into line. However, if feelings are allowed to pull the train, they will lead it all over the place and often off the track.

I told my friend to focus on the truth. As she reads Scripture, she will come across verses that tell her God loves her, that He will never leave or forsake her. She needs to say these facts out loud and think about them. Her feelings are lying to her and she must keep the truth of God’s promises in focus. Her emotions will settle down if she puts them at the back of the train.

That same day, I was in discussion with another person about the rebuke of Jesus to the church at Ephesus. They were doing a lot of good things, but He told them, “Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love.” (Revelation 2:4)

Our discussion was about the meaning of leaving that first love. The other person compared it to the emotional high in the beginning of marriage where two people are so “in love” that they never think of much else. Later, that emotional fervor begins to wane, and she thought that is what it means to leave our first love. She thought that this church had done that with Jesus and were just serving Him in a mindless, habitual way rather than with the fervor they had when they began their relationship with Him.

I didn’t say it, but in the back of my mind I am thinking that if getting back to our first love means having our emotions at that romantic pitch, none of us will ever stay in a place where that kind of “first love” is pulling the train. For one thing, we don’t have the energy. For another, the emotional high of a “new love” is not necessarily based on anything solid. Even in marriage, this adoration and physical attraction settles down into a more stable, deeper love that depends on commitment and character, etc., rather than feelings.

I did say that Jesus Himself interpreted our love for Him by our obedience. He said, “He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him.” (John 14:21)

I agreed with her that it is possible to go through the motions of living the Christian life without being motivated by a love for Christ. That is, we can go to church to keep on the good side of the pastor, or teach Sunday school because no one else wants the job, or visit the sick neighbor because we want to get out of the house. None of these reasons are prompted by our relationship with Jesus. Even though no one would necessarily know why we did them, He would know, and if I were doing any of these things for any of these reasons, He could say of me that I’d left my first love.

Jesus told the church at Ephesus to remember from where they had fallen and repent and do the first works. That is, remember what it was like to listen to His voice and do what He asked of them. Then turn from their routine (the kindest word I can think of) and go back to that close walk with Him. While emotions will be involved, this really hasn’t much to do with feelings; it is about obeying Him because we love Him.

Even if going back to that first love was about getting all excited all over again, can anyone really make that happen? The only way I know how to be restored to my love relationship with Jesus is by getting on my knees and confessing that I’ve been doing my own thing (even doing my own thing in serving Him). I must ask Him to forgive me, fill me with His Spirit, and help me start listening again.

By listening for His voice and by acting only as He directs, my heart will be tuned to His heart. As that happens, I’m very likely to experience joy, even excitement — because living that way is an adventure. I might even feel like a newlywed all over again like I did as a new Christian, but the only way to get there is by putting the truth in the front of the train. The thrill of being in love might be exciting and wonderful, but those emotions can be empty and not produce that steady obedience that Jesus says is the way to express our love for Him.

The bottom line is the love of Christ for me. His ultimate expression of it was a trip to Calvary in obedience to His Father. The evening before the crucifixion, He was in the Garden of Olives sweating blood and saying, “Not my will, but Thine be done.” Had Jesus used His emotions to measure His love for God, that great act of love would never have happened.