More than one way to show love

Spiritual gifts have a great deal to do with how a Christian will show love. From the list of seven such gifts in Romans 12, I see seven ways that I could be motivated to let people know that God cares about them and that I care also.

The gifts in this passage are prophecy, serving, teaching, exhorting, giving, administration, and showing mercy. After years of studying them, my conclusion is that all Christians have all seven, but each believer is motivated by the same one or two gifts most of the time. These are our dominant spiritual gifts.

I’ve also noticed that the people with a dominant prophetic gift (sometimes called perceivers) are mostly concerned with another person’s spiritual health. The servers want to meet practical needs. The teachers want people to think right, and so on. That means, when a server wants to show love, they will bring a need person a meal, fix their lawn mower, drive them to an appointment, etc. A giver will want to pay their bills and an administrator will offer to help with time management or organizational issues. A teacher is most apt to bring them a book.

Sometimes this is a struggle for me. By taking gift tests and watching how God uses me, my top gifts are tied between teacher and perceiver. I’m the person who wants spiritual wholeness and right thinking, and tend to do a lot of research to find out both. If someone is sick, or suffering a loss, I’m awkward and struggle with showing compassion. I can more easily wash their dishes or plant their garden, but when it comes to emotional encouragement, I tend to assume that if they are right with God and are thinking biblically, they will feel better. This isn’t necessarily the best way to show love to someone with a broken leg.

I usually don’t try to guess the motivating gifts of others, but I do encourage other Christians to take the tests for themselves. However, knowing about gifts and how they work tends to give me a better understanding of how other people think. It also validates my own thinking, especially when I feel like a fish out of water. These gifts make me aware that all Christians are needed, and in life’s situations, some are more equipped than others, depending on the nature of those situations. None of us can do it all.

Paul’s letter to the Romans begins with a statement about his desire to visit them. He says, “For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift, so that you may be established — that is, that I may be encouraged together with you by the mutual faith both of you and me” (Romans 1:11-12).

In this passage, “impart” is better translated “share” because it is the Holy Spirit who gives the gifts, not Paul. He simply wanted to share with them from his giftedness so that they might benefit, and out of that, they would share with him. In that mutual sharing, he would also be blessed.

I understand this longing. When God uses my gifts, people are built up in their faith. When people are built up, I am too. It like watching someone unwrap a gift; the delight is a blessing to both the recipient and the giver.

Not only that, using my spiritual gifts is an act of love. It is the love of God and from Him, and it always costs me something (agape love is like that). The key is that no gift can be imitated or faked. I cannot serve on the outside and grumble on the inside. I cannot show compassion when I really want to rebuke someone for whining. Showing the love of God means relying on the Holy Spirit for it.

While I struggle in situations where I feel helpless (I need to know that I cannot do everything), I’m also learning that if a book isn’t the right way to show love, just being there or giving a hug often conveys the right message.