Playing for Keeps

In Elizabeth George’s Playing For The Ashes, Olivia has ALS. She keeps going out of sheer will and her natural stubborn determination. The disease is relentless. Throughout the story, she resolves many issues in her life, yet keeps moving closer to death. No amount of human effort can keep her from that last appointment with the inevitable.

As my husband says, we are all terminal. His diagnosis of CLL affects me in several ways. One is that I must also face my own mortality. I am a few years older, and have my own set of medical probabilities. I read about Olivia’s struggle with impending and certain death and could not help thinking about my own. It could be twenty years away, but few people know where that date is marked on their calendar.

Why do we keep going? What motivates people to not simply give up? I’ve not a lot of sheer will, but I do have something that works. Some of it is outlined in 2 Timothy. Paul writes to this young pastor who is obviously a timid man. He doesn’t want him to quit because of his fears.

“I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also. For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you . . . For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus . . . who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel. And of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day.”

I have faith in Christ. He is not the author of any fear; He gives power, love, and sound thinking. While serving Him might mean suffering, I know that He has given me eternal life, and a task of sharing that life with others. In all of it, He takes care of me and is my refuge and my strength. It doesn’t matter if He calls me this week or thirty years from now; either way, my destiny is certain.

With that settled, death is not my biggest fear; being useless in this life is, and the worst thing I could do is waste what God has given me. Paul told Timothy, “What you heard from me, keep as the pattern of sound teaching, with faith and love in Christ Jesus. Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you—guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us.”

Don’t waste what God gives. Keep going. I’m motivated by His life; it is mine beyond death. I’m motivated by the Holy Spirit; He lives in me. I’m motivated by the important job He gives me to do in this life; I’m here for a reason.

This is true for my husband also, and for us is a great comfort and a way to face each day. We both have no idea when our task here will be over, but Jesus does. When He says “Enough” then stepping into eternity will not be so bad because we will have no reason to stay here.