Practical Faith

The A-Fib Adventure continues

2012-01-28T09:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, after posting my devotions on this blog, my heart decided to have hiccups again. At exactly 9:00 a.m., the rhythm faltered and I called for backup. The doctors told me not to let it go a day, but knowing what the ER is like Friday afternoons and evenings, my hubby took me in just before 1:00.

This time was different. I was not anxious, in part due to knowing what they would do, but mainly because of the Lord’s word to me about having a different attitude toward the threat of death. Even though that outcome was doubtful, the risk is always there with anesthesiology. However, my mind was on the people around me. I was able to talk about Jesus to one of the nurses. Then it came time for the cardioversion (electrical jolt to restore proper heartbeat). I closed my eyes, then opened them in what seemed like only a moment later — and it was done.

So again, the pulse is back to normal. Doctors changed my medication dose hoping that will keep me stable longer, and until a heart specialist sees me. I slept well and now look at another verse about Jesus as He faced a much more difficult trial than mine will ever be.

And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39)

Dying on a cross for the sins of the world did not involve any anesthetic. Jesus would not be lying on a bed surrounded by individuals who cared about Him. No one would ask if He was in pain or even care that His anguish would go beyond human imagination. Not one of the people who were there would have any idea what it was like to bear the weight and feel the guilt of all that sin. No one gave a rip that His body would suffer as much as His soul. They just wanted Him dead and gone, out of their faces so they could continue as usual.

For someone who believes in the sovereign power of God, I understand why the crowds said, “You who would destroy the temple and rebuild it in three days, save yourself! If you are the Son of God, come down from the cross.” (Matthew 27:40) Jesus could have stopped all that nonsense.

But He didn’t. For the joy set before Him, He stayed there. For the souls that would believe and be saved, He stayed there. For the glory that would go to God because of His plan of redemption, Jesus said, “Not as I will, but as You will” and remained in that place of pure agony.

Yesterday I wondered if this trip for a “zap” could happen many times. The doctor told me he had one patient that came in every other day for weeks, joking that he “put my son through college.” I joked right back and told him I hoped he hadn’t decided now to buy a boat! Nevertheless, for a person who likes to keep up with her to-do list, the prospects of more days of even just four hours in the ER now and then is not high on my priority list.

Yet God reminds me that His will could be just that. Do I trust Him? Do I care that maybe the nurse who heard about Jesus needs to hear again? Or someone else does? Or that maybe He just wants me to have that attitude that Jesus had of “not my will, but Yours be done”?

I fully understand the “if it be possible” part and would like to bypass all this. Yet I also know that “this cup” is a reference to the wrath of God. I will never have to bear that. Whatever God has in mind for me, it will not include the weight and guilt of sin. Jesus has already done that. My sin was taken to the Cross and covered when He died for sin. He bore all the punishment, all the wrath that I deserve. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1) Because of Jesus, any will of God for me, even that which involves suffering, is not about punishment.

Lord, I have this notion about how I want to spend my time, but You have plans for me. Those plans could involve hours in a waiting room chair, or hours in a cubicle with an IV in my arm and a cardioversion cart beside my bed ready to knock some sense into my pulse. After yesterday, I see that Your plans might also involve opportunities to tell someone else about Your incredible goodness, or say to them what it means to be in Christ and have Your joy. Whatever it is, I cannot predict it or put it on my to-do list. I can only trust You to put me where You want me and give me the attitude and words that are in Your plan. What is really neat is that this a-fib thing is changing from being an annoying nuisance to another adventure with You at the helm.

Some Light Still Shining

2012-01-27T09:32:00.000-07:00

People call and ask about my health. After filling them in, I share how this episode with a-fib made me think about my mortality and also my priorities, topics that do not generally come up in most conversations. I’d thought these were settled topics in my life, but had no idea how lightly I’d considered them prior to the past few weeks. In my mind, I would live to 100 so didn’t need to think about death. And I thought my life was fairly well ordered too. Having a good scare made me realize differently.

Christians are prepared for death. At least, we know where we are going. We also look forward to seeing Jesus and being with Him. However, I had one friend in her eighties that was adamant that she didn’t want to die. She had too much to do here. Death frightened her. I didn’t want to have the same attitude, but now realize that it lurked beneath my confidence.

Yesterday I wrote about Jesus. When He faced death, He “despised the shame.” Since then, I’ve been thinking about why He did that. The answer is, Jesus is life itself, the Author of life, the One who called Himself “I am” referring to self-existence. He has always been. For Him, death is a disgrace, an utterly shameful thing and beyond all that should be. It should not, even could not happen to the Giver of eternal life — yet it did.

The most remarkable thing is that He “despised” this disgrace. In our minds, despise means hatred, but the original Greek word is more like, “consider it a light thing.” For Jesus, and for the joy set before Him, death was so insignificant that it was like nothing.

Think of that! The One who is life itself is going to die, but because He knows what that death will do and what will happen afterwards, He thinks nothing of it. It is a blip on His path, a shrug for His massive shoulders. His attitude toward dying is like my attitude toward brushing my hair. It has to be done, but not a big deal.

This phrase, “despising the shame” is offered as an example for the followers of Jesus. We have a life to live here, one that will end in death. Death is the final enemy, but because Jesus has conquered it, we can despise/dismiss that as an inevitable event and go on with living.

On that vein, today’s verses and devotional reading are about living, even when death is around the corner.

The disciples said to him, “Rabbi, the Jews were just now seeking to stone you, and are you going there again?” Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours in the day? If anyone walks in the day, he does not stumble, because he sees the light of this world. (John 11:8–9)

Jesus had the attitude that when His time came, He was ready for it, but He needed to do what God wanted Him to do in the meantime. That is, while there was still time, He wasn’t about to stew over that cross looming on His path ahead. He concentrated on doing whatever He knew He must do. His focus was on NOW, not the end.

The reading is short and to the point. It says, “The very fact of a Christian being here, and not in Heaven, is a proof that some work awaits him” (William Arnot).

Arnot’s words are for me. God has more to put on my to-do list. If my focus is on anything other than being alert to His commands, I will miss them and miss the priorities He has for my life. For that reason, and because of His attention-getting devices of the past few weeks, I am walking more deliberately and thinking more deeply about the choices of each day. Instead of assuming what is important, I’m checking in with Him more often.

Lord, You know the way that I take. You have plans for me that are good. You also have work for me to do. My life is to glorify You and edify others, and You know how to help me accomplish Your goals. I am still here because You have chosen this to be so. May I more closely pay attention to what You are asking of me.

Look at where I am going

2012-01-26T09:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I heard a radio preacher say that whenever anyone sees the face of God, nothing else can make them afraid. David could face Goliath without fear for he had seen the face of God.

This morning, I read this from John Piper’s book, Future Grace: “When something drops into your life that seems to threaten your future, remember this: the first shockwaves of the bomb are not sin. The real danger is yielding to them. Giving in. Putting up no spiritual fight. And the root of that surrender is unbelief—a failure to fight for faith in future grace. A failure to cherish all that God promises to be for us in Jesus.”

In the past week, I’ve had a threat to my future. Thoughts jump around inside my head, thoughts of heart failure in various forms or becoming weak and too frail to function normally. I’m not ready for this. Even though I’m not filled with panic and feel more thoughtful than anxious, God seems to know that I need to hear from Him.. Today’s reading clearly speaks to me about the attitude He wants me to have.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1–2)

The focus in the reading is on “despising the shame” which is, to me, a peculiar phrase. It means that Jesus gave no thought to, and even looked down on the idea of being put to death in a horrible manner. To Him, the future glory with its eternal joy was such a great reality that whatever happened to Him in this present world meant nothing. He could shrug it off and remain with great perseverance under the trial of dying.

Stories of martyred missionaries come to mind. In the past year, I’ve read at least a dozen of them. Some were tortured, beheaded, burned, yet in each story, these faithful Christians “despised the shame” of what was happening to them. Some died with praise to God on their lips.

I feel ashamed of my little faith. My situation is a mere (and even mild) threat compared to the incredible example of Jesus under a far more severe reality. Growing old and facing death for me is nothing like the way He suffered, nor can it be compared to the way those missionaries suffered, yet His attitude came out in their lives and sustained them in a marvelous way.

No one wants to suffer with prolonged illness or die before a “ripe old age” yet know this is not for me to determine. My “race is set before me” on a course that God decides; my part is to run it with endurance, with the vision of Jesus before me. Because of Him, I have the hope of great joy for all eternity and that hope can allow me to also despise the shame of whatever happens here.

Lord, I thought I had a good attitude before I read this, but You make me realize that I’ve only a small idea of what it means to “despise the shame” of running a race that I cannot control. I’m also not thinking about the joy set before me as much as I should. I know what it lies ahead at the end of my run, but my focus has not been like Your focus. I confess being weighted down with negative attitudes, sinful fears and eyes that are looking at all sorts of things beside You. Forgive me for letting these things rob me of the joy You have set before me and help me keep my eyes on You.

God’s strength in daily life

2012-01-25T10:12:00.000-07:00

It’s been said that Christians should always have something in their lives that cannot be explained in any way other than God is at work. I’m trying to think of examples. Today’s devotional verses offer one:

And now the Lord says, he who formed me from the womb to be his servant, to bring Jacob back to him; and that Israel might be gathered to him— for I am honored in the eyes of the Lord, and my God has become my strength— he says: “It is too light a thing that you should be my servant to raise up the tribes of Jacob and to bring back the preserved of Israel; I will make you as a light for the nations, that my salvation may reach to the end of the earth.” (Isaiah 49:5–6)

God told Isaiah that restoring Israel was too easy for His servants. The bigger challenge was that they would be a light for the rest of the world, bringing salvation to the nations. For that, God must become their strength.

Modern day examples are a bit harder to find, at least in North America. The current mindset seems to be that God should deliver us from all discomfort and threat rather than make us stronger and more able to meet those challenges. We visited a church while on holidays that put their current prayer list in the bulletin. It was nearly one hundred percent requests that God cure health issues.

We know that God cares about wellness; Jesus cured many sick people. However, where is the prayer for increased grace to live with chronic pain or to be a testimony to those around us when we suffer? Perhaps it is “too light a thing” to be made well and God would rather “become our strength” and give us an awesome and Christlike bearing during illness, suffering and struggles?

During the past few weeks of this crazy heart rate and fluttering, I’ve been aware of a spiritual war. It has not concerned whether I am well or not, but whether I respond to all of this the way God wants me to respond. For one thing, He says,

Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life . . . . (Philippians 2:14–16)

No grumbling, not even when my health is threatened? That is beyond me. Without Christ, I cannot behave like that. It is too easy to feel sorry for myself.

The Bible also says,

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:3–4)

This does not eliminate self-care, but when life is tough, God still wants me to consider others, not turn inward and become selfish. Again, this is not possible apart from Jesus. It is far too easy to think of me-only when I am well, never mind during any illness or health struggles.

Just these two examples show that people who have those “God at work” things happening in their life does not need to be moving mountains or performing spectacular miracles. All they need to do is stop grumbling and care about others, no matter what is going on in their own life. For many of us, those two responses alone can be explained only by the presence and power of God.

While my experience is far from his, I am thinking about Job, Lord, and Your dealings with him. The first part of that story reveals that all his trials happened as a spiritual test to prove that the faith You give can withstand anything. Like anyone else, Job wanted his sorrows to go away, but he realized that he was being refined and would eventually “come forth as gold.” I also realize that You have a refining process for me. It can and does include all manner of trials. As I experience them, I want them to go away, but I also want to eventually come forth as a light in the world — living like Jesus — because in these things You have become my strength.

Don't let Jesus walk by

2012-01-24T09:52:00.000-07:00

Human attention-getting devices fascinate me. Little boys walk on handrails hoping little girls (or other boys) will applaud them. A child refuses to wear socks, obviously enjoying all efforts to convince her to do so. A man leaves a short message on an impersonal answering machine, but takes twenty minutes to say the same thing face-to-face, embellishing the story and enjoying the audience. Many entertainers say that they love being up front and the center of attention. This is part of our me-first, fallen nature.

What about Jesus? Many times He commanded attention, but did He do it for Himself? I don’t think so. Many times He drew away from the crowds, avoiding their attempts to enthrone Him. At least two times, He turned away from His own disciples, as if to avoid them.

And he saw that they were making headway painfully, for the wind was against them. And about the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. He meant to pass by them, but when they saw him walking on the sea they thought it was a ghost, and cried out, for they all saw him and were terrified. But immediately he spoke to them and said, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.” And he got into the boat with them, and the wind ceased. And they were utterly astounded. (Mark 6:48–51)

So they drew near to the village to which they were going. He acted as if he were going farther. (Luke 24:28)

In the first instance, the disciples were in a boat in a storm. Jesus came to them walking on water. Picture that. Their mouths must have gaped in astonishment, incredulous at such a sight. Some of them were seasoned fishermen, but they had never seen anything like this. The text says He would have walked right by them. Was He testing them? Playing games? Jesus never did anything without reason. Why would He just keep going when these men needed Him?

The second instance is after the resurrection. Two disciples were walking, unaware that He had risen from the dead. Jesus appeared alongside, but they didn’t recognize Him. He engaged them in conversation and explained the Scriptures and how the Christ should suffer before entering into His glory. Then He acted as if He was going to keep walking away from them, leaving them without telling them who He was. Why would He do that? Again, was He playing games? Did He have a reason for this behavior?

In my experiences with Jesus, He has shown Himself in extreme ways. On one hand, He answers prayer or does something astounding that makes my jaw drop. On the other, He is subtle and I don’t recognize Him right away. In both, He wants me to respond to His presence, either to bid Him come closer or to takes steps toward Him. In other words, He waits to see if I want more of Him — or if I will carry on life as usual.

Today’s devotional reading is much more blunt in expressing what He is doing. It says that Jesus comes to us by His Holy Spirit, speaks to us through the preaching of the Gospel, the Word of God, and various means of grace and the providential circumstances of life. After speaking, He makes as though He would go further and if we are open to what we have heard, we will pray, “Lord, abide with me.” However, if that voice makes no impression, then He passes on, as He has done thousands of times, leaving the heart at each time harder than before, and the ear more closed to the Spirit’s call.

When I read that, I had to ask myself why anyone would not respond to Jesus, why we would simply let Him pass by. Then I realized the biggest reason. To invite Him in means getting out of the spot light, leaving first place and giving Him the place He deserves. I cannot abide in Christ, nor He in me, and still be the center of attention. While He may stand in the shadows and applaud my spiritual successes (see yesterday’s post), He is still Lord of all. If I will not give Him that place, then He will pass by me and move on to those who will.

Oh Jesus, abiding in You is an incredible privilege. That You abide in me is a great wonder. That You stay here, even when I grab attention for myself is a mercy. Yet I am no longer a child who does tricks and balancing acts to turn eyes on me. This is not what life in You is about. Instead of passing by, I deeply desire to see You in all of life’s circumstances, and invite You to stay. May I never be so busy or so self-centered that You feel as if you must keep walking. Abide with me, Lord Jesus, this day and always.

Sitting in the shadows

2012-01-23T09:10:00.000-07:00

Cliché sayings can be true, but at least one of them depends on the attitude of the person involved. I’m thinking of this adage, “Behind every great man stands a great women.” The feminist movement has perhaps made this truism obsolete because most women’s idea of greatness is being out front, not standing in anyone’s shadow. Yet the idea is there; every great person needs the support of someone else.

As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. With great delight I sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. (Song of Solomon 2:3)

The Song of Solomon is a love story. Some wonder why it is in the Bible for there is little reference to the Lord and spirituality. Most say it is a celebration of the sexual relationship in marriage, as God intended. Some insist this is allegory of the love between Christ and His church.

As I read this verse, I think about what it is like to sit under the shadow of someone else, lover or not. First, it requires a great deal of admiration for that person. I have to be impressed with them and feel that they deserve the spotlight.

Second, this requires that I am willing to take a back seat, to let all the attention, praise, recognition, etc. go to the other person. I have to be not only humble, but willing to be humble. The verse uses the term “delighted” that someone else is in the spotlight. For some, this might be easy, but it has not been easy for me.

When I was small, I had a childhood disease that threatened my life. My parents thought I would die, so they pampered and spoiled me. I was always in the spotlight. I did well in school and succeeded in other things, seldom finding myself in someone else’s shadow.

However, when I became a Christian, I began noticing that God filled me with pleasure when other Christians showed God’s grace in their lives. If another believer was growing in Christ, thankful, generous, loving, and fruitful in other ways, my heart rejoiced. It became a delight to be around spiritually successful people, even to sit under their shadow without feeling any desire to say, “Look at me too.”

Max Lucado, in his book The Applause of Heaven, describes the Christian’s entrance to eternity with a crowd greeting that one, applauding that he or she is finally home. The surprise is that at the back of the crowd, Jesus stands applauding also. He is the reason that anyone makes it to heaven. He is the star, the Beloved One who makes it possible, yet Lucado has Him standing in the shadows and allowing His child to be in the spotlight. It is merely a human interpretation, but I believe that Lucado has it right. Jesus is delighted when His children succeed. To those willing to receive it, He gives His delight to us, making us willing to sit in the shadow of others and be delighted at their success.

Lord, I love this picture of You standing in the background and delighting in Your people when we do that which pleases You. Even though You are the reason we can do anything good, and even though we are nothing without You, You still allow us some limelight. I’m overwhelmed by Your humility and grace.

God offers Rest

2012-01-22T10:12:00.000-07:00

Most children have the experience of planting a seed in a flower pot and watching it grow. Many cannot wait to see if the seed has sprouted so dig it up to check its progress. Most of the time, this ruins the seedling and presents a lesson about patience being a virtue.

Patience is also a virtue when it comes to serving God. Many times, God wants us to wait rather than do something. However, the idea of “Letting go and letting God” is often ridiculed as a pat answer to life’s problems, even an excuse to get out of responsibilities and not do anything. Yet I know myself and know the heart of most of us; we want to be involved in making things happen. Instead of waiting on the Lord for instruction or to see what He has planned, we will assume our will is perfect and if God doesn’t answer prayer and make it happen, we will go ahead and try to do something, anything, to make it happen.

Like a child, I’ve had to learn that obedience includes “be still” as well as “move on.” God’s plans are always perfect, but even if I know what they are, His timing is also perfect. If I get impatient and try to make things happen, I will not only ruin that perfection, but be disobedient.

Today’s Scripture reading has all sorts of interpretation. After a description of God working for six days of creation, then entering into rest, it talks about a rest for the people of God. Some think this means the eternal rest of heaven where we never work again. It could mean that, but it could also mean the rest that happens when I quit striving to make things happen and rest in the power of God to do what needs to be done.

For if Joshua had given them rest, God would not have spoken of another day later on. So then, there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God, for whoever has entered God’s rest has also rested from his works as God did from his. Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience. (Hebrews 4:8–11)

This rest also describes the rest of salvation — in that my own works cannot do it. Anyone who wants to know God must stop trying to earn their salvation and rest in the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross. All who believe in Jesus Christ know this is true. We are saved by grace through faith, not by our own efforts.

There is also a rest after salvation. It is choosing to say to my fleshy efforts, “stop fretting, pushing, trying to make things happen” and trust God. He has a plan and I don’t need to “help” Him make it happen. For instance, before my husband became a Christian, I did all sorts of things to convince him that he needed to trust God. It was only after I let go of all my schemes that the Lord worked in his life. The Lord brought him to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ without me. So these verses can refer to that rest from self-effort, a rest in what God can do.

Other examples come to mind. I’ve seen problems in some of the churches we have attended. My prideful heart thought that I could fix them, or that my ideas were the solution. God showed me that He had other plans, not that my ideas were terrible, but His are always better. I needed to rest from my own works (in the sense of those works of the flesh) and let God do what He wanted to do. Otherwise, I was disobeying Him.

For me, the bottom line is that God offers rest. Some think that being a Christian involves lots of hard work and stress. It can, but that isn’t what God has in mind. He offers a sweet trust in Him that ceases striving because I know and trust that He is taking care of everything that concerns me.

Lord, these past few days have involved lots of physical rest. My heart rate is normal, and the fluid on my lungs is less today than yesterday. I am tired, but enjoying this rest and the time to think about Your will. Instead of my usual busyness, I’m rethinking what You want. While doing, doing, doing might seem as if I’m accomplishing more than what happens when I rest, Your ways are always contrary to mine. I’ve learned much in the past few weeks about walking by faith. Now You are teaching me what it means to cease all my labors (literally and fleshy) and find out more about resting in You.

God’s ways are not my ways

2012-01-21T11:09:00.000-07:00

Each day brings new challenges. Last night I could not sleep lying down because I’ve some fluid on my lungs. It made me angry, and frightened. At times I just didn’t want to breathe any longer. I moved from bed to our large recliner and slept that way. This morning, I looked up pulmonary endema and was not at all that excited about the findings. This build-up happened because of the a-fib. Without treatment, it can be deadly.

I don’t know the severity. The doctors at the ER told me about the fluid and expressed some concern, but did not put me on diuretics. From that, I gather panic is not required. This morning, I’m now filled with a sense of determination to do what I have to do, which is a positive switch from wanting to quit breathing.

This morning’s devotional reading is a prayer. It isn’t perfect for my situation, but helpful. First, I must add a confession. I’ve been angry with God and upset that life has been interrupted by something that makes me feel so helpless. I know that helplessness is the best state for getting prayer answered, but do I have to like it?

Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. Remember your mercy, O Lord, and your steadfast love, for they have been from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O Lord! (Psalm 25:4–7)

Waiting on God all day long is not about sitting and idly twiddling my thumbs. It is about prayer, but also doing what I know to do. His ways are never idle. Even if I am to “stand still” my heart is to actively lean toward Him, eager to hear what He has to say and eager to do whatever He asks.

The part of this passage that I’m hearing involves those first words: “Make me to know Your ways.” In English, this sounds like standing someone against the wall and making them do something, but in the original language, “make” is not there. The emphasis is on “know” — as in “be acquainted with, see, observe, recognize, acknowledge.” God wants me to know Him in a deeper way, and to know His ways more intimately.

As much as I know in my head that God is good regardless of life’s situations, this knowing is being tested. Believing in His grace and kindness is easy when all is well and to write like this is a cliché in Christian circles. We know, but until things happen to challenge that knowing, we really don’t know anything.

Lord, You know me inside and out. I’m glad for that. You are not surprised at the mixture of emotions I’ve had in the past twenty-four hours, even though these have surprised me. You are not caught off guard by my anger or by my helplessness. As the psalmist says, teach me Your ways and lead me. You have done so in the past and I’ve no reason to think You will abandon me now.

The Lord is the strength of my heart

2012-01-20T08:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday seemed longer than usual. My doctor called early. She said the lab tests from the day before showed slight concerns, but they were tests that often gave false positives. She wanted me to go to the ER for better tests. Right after she called, an A-fib episode began. This was a blessing in disguise because experts needed to assess this fluttering while it was happening. So my husband came home from work and drove me to the ER around 11:00 a.m.

Heart problems are given priority, so I was not long in getting a bed. They did many tests over several hours. One was a CT scan to make sure there were no clots in my body. During all of the tests, they monitored my vitals and formulated a plan to put a stop to the uneven rhythm. For most of it, I just felt like sleeping.

After several hours and the attention of two dozen caring medical people, they gave me a drug to slow my heart rate, hoping that would stop the fluttering. It didn’t. The next step was electricity, the paddles.

These are not like those seen on television hospital shows, nor administered the same way. Instead, of doing it while I was awake, they put stick-on pads on my chest and back, then put me to sleep. When I woke up, my heart rate was slower, even and regular. Everyone was smiling. After making sure all vitals were stable, they sent me home, about 9:30 p.m. We stopped on the way to fill a prescription for the meds that will keep my heart rate slower (my hubby takes the same thing, even the same dose) and then I slept soundly for eight hours.

This morning, I’m breathing deeply, a big switch from my normal shallow breathing. I feel a bit worn from all the events of yesterday, but am delighted with a normal heart rate, and delighted with today’s devotional verses.

Give ear to my words, O Lord, Consider my meditation. Give heed to the voice of my cry, My King and my God, For to You I will pray. My voice You shall hear in the morning, O Lord; In the morning I will direct it to You, And I will look up. (Psalm 5:1–3, NKJV)

Indeed do I direct my voice to God this morning. I look up in gratitude and praise that His timing brought me to the right place at the right time. I’m certain that the doctors on call were the right doctors. They made good decisions. All two dozen care-givers were a blessing with highly coordinated efforts.

I also look up to God with thoughts of how He wants me to respond after all this. For one thing, my priorities have already changed. Some things are added to that to-do list and a few have come off it. As I speak with the Lord today, I know He will listen to me, yet am more concerned that I listen to Him.

Jesus, Your precious presence keeps me still and focused. Your loving care came through the thoughts and actions of people I’ve never met before (and we joked that we hoped to never meet again). Your timing reassures me of Your attention to detail to the needs in my life and more, that You will take care of the needs in the lives of those on my prayer list with that same attention. As I spend time with You in prayer this morning, I’m already grateful that you give ear to my words and heed the voice of my cries.

What should I wear today?

2012-01-19T09:29:00.000-07:00

How much time do I spend in personal grooming? I’m not sure, but most of us want to look nice and it is easy to waste minutes if not hours looking in the mirror or standing in the closet. How important is this for a Christian?

I know one simple soul who daily asks God what to wear. She puts great emphasis on her outer appearance because she wants to make a good impression as a believer in Jesus Christ. Some sects take the opposite stand and say that plainer is better. Is there a balance? Or does God even care? What does the Bible say?

In the Old Testament, the most emphasis on clothing concerns what the priests should wear. Long descriptions of their ornamentation are summed up in this sentence:

And you shall make holy garments for Aaron your brother, for glory and for beauty. (Exodus 28:2)

The word order is significant. First holy, then glory, then beauty. That is, in the sight of God, being set apart for holiness has greater value than looking glorious or beautiful. He even uses terms about clothing to describe salvation and righteousness.

I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. (Isaiah 61:10)

Here, glory and beauty are not neglected, but the idea of being holy and clothed in holiness is more important. This is also brought out in the New Testament, particularly in verses about the adornment of women.

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. (1 Peter 3:3–4)

God does not say no to beautiful clothes. He is just more concerned with what goes on in the inner person. He talks about garments of praise and that I am clothed with the Lord Jesus. He says my ornaments are a meek and quiet spirit. For me, the bells on the hems of the priests garments translate into holy actions, words and purposes so that whenever I move, it is music to those around me.

In addition, many passages tell me that I am to put on new life as a daily practice, even using terms comparable to donning clothing.

Put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. (Ephesians 4:24)

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. (Colossians 3:12–14)

From this and other verses, I know that when I get dressed each day, the first thoughts should be about my attitude and relationship to God. Am I adorned with the Spirit of Christ, or am I wearing my old clothes of self-centeredness and me-first?

Lord, thanks for this reminder. Getting dressed each morning is more than a routine. It is an opportunity to think about how you want me to be adorned. Each day, I have the choice to put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make Your holiness my garment for the day. I should make reasonable choices about my clothing, but if holiness is the main part of my wardrobe, then glory and beauty will follow, regardless of the externals.

All things >>> like Jesus

2012-01-18T10:19:00.000-07:00

It is -30°C outside, with a wind chill. I woke with a headache, feeling tired, puffy and without ambition. That skipping pulse went back to normal last night, which would be a good thing except my doctor has never put her stethoscope to it so will not be able to make the same judgment as she would if it were doing its skipping thing for my appointment today. I’ve a mountain of laundry and a mountain of other things to do. I feel like going back to bed, or at least throwing a small pity party.

But I know God is trying to teach me something, likely not too profound and more like “quit complaining — Jesus didn’t do it.”

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. (Romans 8:28–29)

So how did Jesus handle trials? Did He have a sweet and positive Pollyanna attitude about everything? I don’t think so. He slept when He was tired and ate when He was hungry. He made light of nothing and understood with compassion all the suffering He saw around Him. At the end of His life in the Garden of Gethsemane, He was so stressed about the trial before Him that He sweat drops of blood. Life was not easy, but He never complained or felt sorry for Himself. God wants me to be like Him.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. (Hebrews 12:1–4)

We smile in Sunday School when someone offers “Jesus” as the answer to either an obvious or difficult question, knowing the story of the little boy who said, “If you don’t know what the teacher is talking about, Jesus is always a safe answer.”

However, no jesting here — Jesus always answers my problems and struggles. As I look at these verses, He encourages me to keep my eyes on Him. He will help me endure the trials (and they are very small compared to His or to many others, for that matter). I’m being tempted to turn and go my own way, but resisting that is not going to kill me. Being like Jesus is always a blessing.

Besides the external action of looking at Jesus, He is also my eternal power in this transformation process. The “all things” of Romans 8:28 are designed to strip away the “me” that gets in the way so that His life can be made evident. As God spoke yesterday about seeing the unseen and letting God show me His resources, He speaks today about choosing the inner presence of Christ. He wants to transform this “poor me” day into a day of victory over self-pity as I go forward with my eyes on my Savior.

Jesus, the life that God wants from me is impossible without You. You are my life and my salvation. Forgive this me-focus and take me through this day with Your thoughts and Your attitudes. Being like You is good. Not only do I feel much better, but You are glorified — and that is why I am here.

Seeing God’s chariots

2012-01-17T11:59:00.000-07:00

Before reading Frank Peretti’s books that vividly described spiritual warfare, I never thought much about activities in the unseen spiritual world. I knew that God cannot be seen, but His presence is real and that was enough. Those books are fiction, but they helped my understanding. So also has stories from missionaries and others who have seen the unseen in experiences similar to the servant of Elisha, an Old Testament prophet.

When the servant of the man of God rose early in the morning and went out, behold, an army with horses and chariots was all around the city. And the servant said, “Alas, my master! What shall we do?” He said, “Do not be afraid, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.”
Then Elisha prayed and said, “O Lord, please open his eyes that he may see.”
So the Lord opened the eyes of the young man, and he saw, and behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha. (2 Kings 6:15–17)

The enemies of God surrounded this prophet and from all appearances, it seemed he would be taken or killed. His servant was in a panic, but Elisha knew that God was with him. He asked the Lord to give this servant a glimpse into the unseen world.

All of God’s people need eyes opened that we may see the unseen. Certainly God has angels at work to protect us, but we may or may not need to see that reality. This depends somewhat on our ability and need to walk by faith and not by sight.

However, there is another reality hinted at in this story. It is the reality of God supplying “horses and chariots” of another kind to empower and carry us through all the events of life. These are His provisions to give us grace as needed so our situations are victories instead of losses and defeats.

John Piper wrote an article called “Don’t Waste Your Cancer” (link is at the right). This article has encouraged my husband to use his CLL (chronic lymphatic leukemia) as a way to glorify God and draw others into conversation about their eternal destiny. Instead of cancer defeating him, God gave him power (horses) and the means (chariots) to carry this burden with grace and purpose.

The author of today’s devotional says that when our eyes are open to the forces of God working on our behalf, then any event of life, great or small, joyful or sad, becomes a chariot the moment we treat it as such. If not, the smallest trial may crush us into misery or despair. The choice is ours.

Right now, my personal trial concerns this a-fib heart condition. Yesterday we travelled from Miami to Edmonton, from 80°F to – 20°F, and through four airports with heavy luggage. My heart had been normal for several days, but started fluttering and missing beats Sunday evening. Devotions back on January 14 urged me to praise God all day, so by grace I remembered that and did it.

God promises to inhabit the praises of His people and the Bible says that in His presence there is fullness of joy. In Psalm 71:23–24, the psalmist verifies this by saying, “My lips will shout for joy, when I sing praises to you; my soul also, which you have redeemed. And my tongue will talk of your righteous help all the day long . . .”

I verify it too. As I praised God, He filled me with joy. His amazing joy overcomes fear and discomfort. It also releases the tongue to talk about God’s goodness to others. This is a lesson in not wasting any infirmities, but letting God use them to make me more like Jesus. Praising the Lord instead of feeling sorry for myself is a big step in that direction. (And I see my doctor tomorrow, which is also an act of obedience.)

Lord, my selfish nature means that some days it would be easier to fold up into a pity-party than make any effort to obey You or praise You. Yet I know that any time that I can obey You is a gift. Thank You also for the gift of praise and the gift of joy that goes with it. Thank You that You give me what I need to do what has to be done, even when it is physically challenging or simply one of those “I don’t feel like it” tasks. I’m glad for Your care and glad that You can use anything for my good and ultimately for Your glory. I entrust You with this trial, knowing that “my heart and my flesh may fail, but You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Psalm 73:26)

Spiritual retreats needed

2012-01-16T07:20:00.000-07:00

Occasionally I’ve had personal retreats. I go away from home to a place with less distractions, sometimes a library. However, even there, the books threaten to draw me away from the Lord. Once I paid $10 for a room at a retreat center. This was ideal, totally silent and peaceful. I’ve not done this for awhile though, and today’s devotional offers a verse and a brief thought that urge me to plan more of these.

Moses entered the cloud and went up on the mountain. And Moses was on the mountain forty days and forty nights. (Exodus 24:18)

The reading points out that a life of fellowship with God cannot be built up in a day. It begins with a habitual time with Him, then even referring to Him hour by hour, as Moses did in Egypt. For me, this began with having personal devotions every day. In the past forty years, I remember missing only one. Daily communion with God in His Word and through prayer is a vital part of being a Christian.

Yet I cannot rest there or be content with just that daily habit. For one thing, it can become rote, a duty, a mere habit and not a vital and meaningful time. For me, diligence is required to make this truly a fellowship with God, not a writing exercise nor an entry in a blog.

As the reading says, this fellowship moves on to more often and longer periods of communion. Although I’ve learned to meditate throughout the day on each morning’s devotional blessings and challenges, there is much room in my life for growth in this. I’d like the idea of “hour by hour” to be more consistent. I’d also like more extended times, like those retreats.

However, the dozen or so retreats that I’ve had are not nearly enough. Not only that, the way I’ve done these retreats is suspect. For most, I’ve made and relied on an agenda. That is, I plan a certain period of time for Bible reading, time for confession, praise etc. While this keeps me on target and out of the book stacks in the library, it seems that these meetings with God should be less by the clock, more spontaneous and totally heartfelt.

Today’s reading adds that this increased time with God “should find its consummation and bliss in days and nights of intercession,” waiting on and having holy interaction with the Lord. I’m not there yet, but in this reading and in these verses, I hear the Holy Spirit saying, “Come, come.”

Lord, even though You ‘never leave or forsake me’ and I am most always aware of Your presence, I need to spend more time exclusively devoted to You. Forgive me for letting this lapse, replacing it with distractions and busyness. Grant me the grace needed to more often draw near in full attention to You.

God’s solutions for fatigue

2012-01-15T08:44:00.000-07:00

Fatigue happens to everyone. It is part of hard work, stress, battles with illness, all sorts of experiences. Everyone gets tired, but when we go without rest, fatigue can affect every part. For instance, I cannot do crossword puzzles when my body is weary; my mind shuts down also. For the most part, only a change of situation or a long rest can fix it. As my father used to say, eight hours sleep solves a host of problems.

However, there is another fix for fatigue. It is supernatural yet very real. This fix is applied to the inner part, the spirit and soul where God’s people connect with Him.

He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:29–31)

Waiting on the Lord gives me a change of focus. Instead of thinking about myself and whatever is going on in my life, I am thinking about Him. And I cannot think about God without worship. All that I know about Him is good. He is powerful, loves me, and ready to give me all that I need for whatever situation I might be in. Those thoughts alone give me a boost in my weariness. Worship is part of waiting on God, and worship is rejuvenating.

Along with worship, when I think about God, I also talk to Him about my problems. In fact, His Word tells me how important this is.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:4–7)

Can a joyful person feel worn out? Maybe, but when joy is present, any fatigue is not the same as being faint or exhausted. Joy comes when I think about the power of God and then offer to Him those things that weigh me down. Knowing He can take care of whatever is happening lifts my spirits. Faith and prayer are rejuvenating.

This passage also says I should pray with thanksgiving. Can a thankful heart be weary and worn out? Even when my body is spent, being thankful does more than guard my heart and mind; it makes me feel as if I can fly again. Gratitude is rejuvenating.

The inner part of me, my spirit, is also where my conscience is active. If I sin, I feel guilty. Guilt can produce fatigue just as much as hard labor. Perhaps this is why Jesus offers this invitation:

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28–30)

Being with Jesus and learning His ways keeps me from over-extending myself, yet weariness that comes from guilt also needs this soul –rest that Jesus talks about. If I am burdened with guilt, confession, repentance and forgiveness are also rejuvenating.

For the past few weeks, walking by faith not sight, and resting and waiting on the Lord have been constant themes. They seem to go together. As I look ahead to the coming year, I already see trials on the horizon and know that I will need to remember these truths for them --- as well as for daily, even ordinary challenges.

Lord, many times I feel totally spent, as if I am too tired to even breathe. Often it seems as if You are absent or out of earshot too, yet that is never true. You promise to never leave or forsake me. You promise to hear and answer my prayers, even give me extraordinary peace when I pray. You also promise to renew my strength as I wait on You, seeking Your will and Your direction. You forgive and remove the burden of sin and guilt. What more can I say? You are amazing and I worship You.