Why do we hate the ‘S’ word?

I’ve been married twice. My first husband had a couple of addictions and I was too selfish to help him, so that marriage did not last. Soon after, Jesus came into my life, but I was still living by my ‘I wants’ without knowing much about obedience. My second husband was not a Christian when I married him and for several years I resisted both him and God, wanting to be the boss in my own life. Eventually, my husband was saved, but I was still trying to run things, and blamed our problems of marriage on everything else but my desire to control everything.

I understand why women, even Christian women, hate the ‘S’ word. The following verse produces frustration, anger, excuses, and other negatives. It did for me too, until someone explained God’s definition that word . . . 

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.” (Ephesians 5:22–23)

Submission to God is being set free from the tyranny of sin, and sin is simply always wanting my own way. Submission to my husband is the same thing. God wants to set me free from the tyranny of always insisting on my own way. For a spoiled brat like me, that was not good news — until I began to realize how having my own way is not only sinful and selfish, but a terrible oppression.

That realization didn’t make it any easier to do what the Bible says. Most people, even Christians, do not realize the power of sin or how deep-seated it is within our hearts and minds. It is like having a cancer that will not go away. Just when it is conquered in one place, it pops up in another. However, knowing I battled sin and not my husband certainly put me onto something. I could taste freedom, just a little.

Then the Lord showed me that marriage is a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church, a far bigger thing than just the relationship between a man and a woman. God created it to be a demonstration, a model. For me, the Christ and church relationship is easier to understand. It makes sense that He is the head of the church. It makes sense that the church organizes its life around Him. Not that it happens perfectly. Church members can slip out of the will of God without realizing they have slipped, yet none of us think that the church should ignore God’s commands.

Yet we resist this one. A neighbor said, “When my husband starts acting like Christ, then I will submit to him.” What she meant is what many women struggle with: marriage where their spouse fails to do their part in this model of Christ and the church:

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” (Ephesians 5:25–28)

As today’s devotional says, it is easy for a woman to reverence a man who loves her and it is easy for a man to love a woman who reverences him. All of us desire to live in a perfect world!

I must be honest. It would be easier to be a submissive wife if hubby did everything God wants, but as I read the Bible and as I better understand myself and my own sin, I realize that perfection in this world is not going to happen; it is reserved for heaven. The best I can do is not insist everyone else or everything in my life is the way I want it. That is childish and selfish. Instead, I’m accountable to do my part.

How many commands in the Bible ask for attitudes and actions that require faith? How much of what God wants is not about circumstances being lined up to suit me, but about trusting Him? Is it 50% or closer to 100%?

A life of faith is 100%. I cannot say I trust God and then add, “except for. . .” Even though I’ve said that, it is ridiculous. If I can trust God to raise me from my coffin and take me to heaven, can’t I trust Him for everything else? My only rationale is that I want my own way, that I trust me more than God. What nonsense!

This is the tyranny of sin. In wanting my own way, I miss out on the incredible wisdom of God. I cannot see His promises fulfilled. Faith means nothing unless I can let go of my reasoning, my selfish desires, my desires to be in control. Faith means nothing if ‘I know better than God’ and make up a million excuses why I don’t need to submit to my husband, or to anyone else, and become blind to the reality that I am not submitting to Almighty God either.

^^^^^^^^

Jesus, of all the truths You have taught me, this is perhaps the most precious and the most practical. When I am in Your will, my home and marriage is likely the closest thing to heaven on earth. Every time I choose otherwise and the tyranny of sin raises its ugly head, that bliss is ruined and I need to run back to You in humility and repentance. Thank God You still welcome me and continue to teach me how Your grace sets me free.