When I was a child, I had an illness that was life-threatening. The doctors told my parents that I would die before my 16th birthday. Because of that, I was sheltered and not given much instruction on how to live.
Years after proving the doctors wrong, I felt like I was missing out. I didn’t know how to deal with many issues of life and was unprepared for things that happened in school and after school. Constantly feeling like I was flying by the seat of my pants was at first ‘normal’ but after a while I realized that for me, this was a deeper issue than it was for my siblings and others. I continually felt as if I had nothing to offer.
During a class at Bible school, when I was already a grandmother, this verse made an impact on my life. I suddenly became aware that the way I felt was not as bad as it seemed. In fact, it was good preparation for a life of following Jesus Christ . . .
Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maidservant to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the Lord our God, till he has mercy upon us. (Psalm 123:2)
As Chambers says, this verse is a description of entire reliance upon God. I’d felt like a servant with an empty platter, but realized all God wanted from me was to wait for Him to fill it, then deliver what He put on it to others. What a relief!
Of course that emptiness was partly due to being a spoiled child. My parents thought I would die young and over-compensated by indulgence. After I became a Christian at age 29, I thought God would do the same. Feeling empty was not a good motivation for telling God what to give me. I also needed to realize that God was always the One to decide what I should do. He knew what I needed to fill my sense of uselessness. I only thought I knew what I needed.
I learned the hard way that the human spirit has this “I will do it myself” attitude that God calls sin. Feeling empty didn’t fix that; it only made me try harder, at least for awhile. At the same time, God gave me a desire to serve Him and do it according to His way, not my way. These also have been difficult lessons.
In the final analysis, God says I must keep my eyes on Him — like the servant looks to his Master — and when He fills my empty platter, that is a mercy; I do not deserve nor can I earn even the least of His blessings.